Found this an thought a few would find it funny.


IF RELIGIONS MADE BRAS

Official Iranian Government “Presidential Pleasure” Bra: Unlike your
country, there are no bosoms in Iran; we don’t have any.

Zoroastrian ”Dynamic Dual” The white side is designed for maximum
uplift and the black side is not.

Hare Krishna  “Midnight Mantra” In beautiful saffron coloured
material, our masterpiece channels a special “airport uplift” energy
for true bosom consciousness.

Zen Buddhist “Enigma” If a bosom should fall in our bra, is there any
refund?

Roman Catholic “Holy Mother Imaculate Contraption” Stain resistant,
for nursing women, our new high tech miracle will hold ‘em till you
need ‘em.

Christian Literalist “Intelligently Designed Divine Image Science
Bra”.  Our most high-tech line reconciles pure science, human biology,
and true faith. It takes the bra to a new level of complete
practicality, comfort and ergonomic efficiency and is based on
BIBLICAL principles! With three cups, our bra is unashamedly
trinitarian in a world that has sold its soul to “if it feels good,
wear it” godlessness!  

Orthodox Jewish “Red Sea Bra” Excellent lift and separation for 6
days, but of course, no lifting or separating on the Sabbath.

Reform Jewish “Red Sea Freedom Bra”. Excellent lift and separation all
week long.

Conservative Jewish “Red Sea Consensus Bra” Excellent lift and
separation for 6 days, but only if there is a general agreement that
it is necessary.

Orthodox Jewish “Talmud Teaser” Rabbi Joshua said, “It is written, ‘Do
two walk together without them having met?’ so bras should hold the
bosom together.” Rabbi Judah said, “The Holy One-blessed by
He-separated the waters to reveal the dry land when He created the
universe.” Rabbi Hannaniah said in the name of Rabbi Nehemiah, “He
separated the waters of the Sea and then divided the River Jordan,
piling the waters up on the right and the left to let the Sons of
Israel make their way to the promised land, a land ‘flowing with milk
and honey’, and so bras should lift and separate and give room for the
discovery of honey.” The sages said, “It is written, ‘My tongue
cleaves to the roof of my mouth’ and therefore cleavage is a good
thing,” but Rabbi Baruchiah said, “Is the cleaving of the tongue to
the roof of the mouth the same as a bosom’s cleaving? One is from a
dry mouth and the other makes the mouth water.” Hillel said, “Women
are free from the commandment of binding on Teffilin, so should they
not be required to bind their bosoms”. Shammai said, “I’m more of a
leg-man myself” but Rabbi Herschel said… (goes on for 5 more pages
with a long digression into the question of how big a “cup” can be
before it is a “basin”).

Fundamentalist Christian “Original Sin Bra” “The Fall” came when Eve
ate the apple and so there isn’t anything to be done about it since
bosoms are evil, evil, wicked, satanic, vile, and against biblical
family values, but our bra is richly padded and embroidered with
biblical passages to make you look more upright and smug and yet
pleasing to the eyes of the men God has sent to bless your life.

Pentecostal Televangelist “Miracle Lift Faith Bra” Don’t let the Devil
drag you down! Sew a Seed of Faith of only $1000 by ordering our
Miracle Lift Faith Bra, and you will reap a harvest! Don’t forget the
parable of the Faithful Wife in the Book of Egomaniciah who sewed only
ONE seed and reaped a great harvest of produce and brought great joy
to her poor husband! Yes, your own $1000 Faith Seed will grow as you
wear our Miracle Lift Faith Bra–sent to you free of charge out of
Christian Love– and you too will be lifted up in the Spirit, and your
husband will enjoy a harvest of melons!

Mormon “Nights on Zion” An exact copy of the bra Joseph Smith used to
wear on Saturday nights.

Mennonite Bra. Designed to keep the world from knowing a woman has any
need for a bra under the plain dress designed, as much as possible, to
look as though a woman doesn’t have breasts.

Fundamentalist Mormon “Easy-Sorting Polyg-rasier” One size fits every
woman in the house, so there’s no point to wondering which is whose!

Fundamentalist Islamic “Discrete Desires Bra” Full support head to
toe, to give you that appealing lack of feminine shape.

Hindu “Devi Deluxe” Realize your personal goddess; with as many
complementary shoulder straps as you think you have arms.

Buddhist “Not Quite Nirvana” Accentuates natural sag, deflation and
impermanence.

Hutterite “Bra” Only in black, and handmade of the finest
economy-grade canvas. Available at Canadian Tire stores from coast to
coast.

Scientology “Spiritual Technology Bra” Available only to the initiated
for the low price of $50,000. Athletic-level of support and comfort
even when jumping up and down on couches like an idiot. It comes with
various books, pamphlets, built in flashing lights, a whistle, and a
small propeller on each cup. Great support for the AUTHORIZED wearer
from our legal team.

Confucian “Mandate of Heaven Bra” The Master said, “Heaven smiles upon
the emperor who justly governs and supports the people so that they
are not even aware that they are being ruled. So too, do men smile
when they see the bosom that is naturally governed by our invisible
underwire and seamless technology.”

Taoist “Wooo-weeee!” The bosom that can be tamed is not a real bosom.

-- 
Bob.