I got caught short tonight (I almost wet my pants!) whilst drunk and
stumbled into a field to relieve myself against a farmer's fence.

Unfortunately, I was so inebriated that I fell forward onto a
barbed-wire fence and somehow, managed to snare my foreskin, the head
of my penis AND my scrotum on the barbs :-(

I'm now at home and hemorrhaging quite badly from these wounds,
especially from the large rip in my helmet.

Does anyone know how to stem the flow of blood, it's been 2 hours now
and it doesn't seem to be stopping! 

I don't really want to go to hospital as it's too embarrassing.

Will ice help?

Brian Barlow  wrote:

>I got caught short tonight (I almost wet my pants!) whilst drunk and
>stumbled into a field to relieve myself against a farmer's fence.

>Unfortunately, I was so inebriated that I fell forward onto a
>barbed-wire fence and somehow, managed to snare my foreskin, the head
>of my penis AND my scrotum on the barbs :-(

Unlikely story, I bet you didn't pay heed to the sign that said to
cross this field you must run faster than the bull.


--
whitney music box
http://www.coverpop.com/whitney/index.php?var=v11

On Fri, 04 May 2007 17:56:01 -0700, Pennywise@DerryMaine.Gov wrote:

> Brian Barlow  wrote:
>
>>I got caught short tonight (I almost wet my pants!) whilst drunk and
>>stumbled into a field to relieve myself against a farmer's fence.
>
>>Unfortunately, I was so inebriated that I fell forward onto a
>>barbed-wire fence and somehow, managed to snare my foreskin, the head
>>of my penis AND my scrotum on the barbs :-(
>
>Unlikely story, I bet you didn't pay heed to the sign that said to
>cross this field you must run faster than the bull.

Can someone help please or not!!??

Naw, he tried to get into the hipocrite  Preacher man,  Ron
Schomperts,  rec.ponds.moderated group and Galen Hekhuis one of Rons
super mods grabbed ahold of Brians one eyed snake and tried to bite
its head off to prove he is a worthy dicksucker like Ron and Derek is!
Hey hold it out and ask Gill   of the aquaria groups  to kiss it, she
is a RN suppsedly, so she may be able to stem the bleeding! LOL! I
doubt you would get Jan or Kathy30 to help as they are carpet
munchers.......

On Sat, 05 May 2007 01:46:31 +0100, Brian Barlow 
wrote:
 
<<>>I got caught short tonight (I almost wet my pants!) whilst drunk and
<<>>stumbled into a field to relieve myself against a farmer's fence.
<<>>
<<>>Unfortunately, I was so inebriated that I fell forward onto a
<<>>barbed-wire fence and somehow, managed to snare my foreskin, the head
<<>>of my penis AND my scrotum on the barbs :-(
<<>>
<<>>I'm now at home and hemorrhaging quite badly from these wounds,
<<>>especially from the large rip in my helmet.
<<>>
<<>>Does anyone know how to stem the flow of blood, it's been 2 hours now
<<>>and it doesn't seem to be stopping! 
<<>>
<<>>I don't really want to go to hospital as it's too embarrassing.
<<>>
<<>>Will ice help?



-------
I forgot more about ponds and koi than I'll ever know!

apply pressure and call for an ambulance right away. make sure they don't 
see your computer on ash...
"Brian Barlow"  wrote in message 
news:73kn33tvtjo5eape2rbn93i1vd1k02bqnk@4ax.com...
>I got caught short tonight (I almost wet my pants!) whilst drunk and
> stumbled into a field to relieve myself against a farmer's fence.
>
> Unfortunately, I was so inebriated that I fell forward onto a
> barbed-wire fence and somehow, managed to snare my foreskin, the head
> of my penis AND my scrotum on the barbs :-(
>
> I'm now at home and hemorrhaging quite badly from these wounds,
> especially from the large rip in my helmet.
>
> Does anyone know how to stem the flow of blood, it's been 2 hours now
> and it doesn't seem to be stopping!
>
> I don't really want to go to hospital as it's too embarrassing.
>
> Will ice help?

On Fri, 4 May 2007 20:05:37 -0500, "J. T. Laurie"
 wrote:

>apply pressure and call for an ambulance right away. 

I DON'T want to go to hospital. I've had a big wad of kitchen towel
pressed on it for ages but every time I move it, it starts
hemorrhaging again!

>make sure they don't see your computer on ash...

????

On Sat, 05 May 2007 01:46:31 +0100, Brian Barlow wrote:

> I got caught short tonight (I almost wet my pants!) whilst drunk and
> stumbled into a field to relieve myself against a farmer's fence.
> 
> Unfortunately, I was so inebriated that I fell forward onto a
> barbed-wire fence and somehow, managed to snare my foreskin, the head
> of my penis AND my scrotum on the barbs :-(
> 
> I'm now at home and hemorrhaging quite badly from these wounds,
> especially from the large rip in my helmet.
> 
> Does anyone know how to stem the flow of blood, it's been 2 hours now
> and it doesn't seem to be stopping! 
> 
> I don't really want to go to hospital as it's too embarrassing.
> 
> Will ice help?

Super Glue.
-- 
#1 Offishul Ruiner of Usenet, March 2007
#1 Usenet Asshole, March 2007
#1 Bartlo Pset, March 13-24 2007
#10 Most hated Usenetizen of all time
Pierre Salinger Memorial Hook, Line & Sinker, June 2004
COOSN-266-06-25794

Brian Barlow  wrote in
news:7cmn33l5lr3q6mg2bcemn55meuq83cr4l0@4ax.com: 

> On Fri, 4 May 2007 20:05:37 -0500, "J. T. Laurie"
>  wrote:
> 
>>apply pressure and call for an ambulance right away. 
> 
> I DON'T want to go to hospital. I've had a big wad of
> kitchen towel pressed on it for ages but every time I move
> it, it starts hemorrhaging again!
> 
>>make sure they don't see your computer on ash...
> 
> ????

ash is alt.suicide.holiday, a group for people who want to die.

Assuming your story is even partially true, it is quite possible 
you may die. The penis has an extreme concentration of blood 
vessels (that's how you get erections) and you COULD bleed to 
death. Nothing you can do yourself will stop the bleeding.

Again, IF any of your story is even partially true, don't be a 
moron and call an ambulance immediately - unless you DO want to 
die.

Would you rather tell the doctors YOUR story or try to explain 
to them how a large lightbulb got stuck in your arsehole?


-- 
Disagreements and the usual insults expected and welcomed.

I'm sorry. I had to smile. but "carpet munchers" is a very irreverant term. 
kind don't...
"~Mr. McDonald~"  wrote in message 
news:4gln331dkn3a21g4baloj6ak472dead27g@4ax.com...
>
>
> Naw, he tried to get into the hipocrite  Preacher man,  Ron
> Schomperts,  rec.ponds.moderated group and Galen Hekhuis one of Rons
> super mods grabbed ahold of Brians one eyed snake and tried to bite
> its head off to prove he is a worthy dicksucker like Ron and Derek is!
> Hey hold it out and ask Gill   of the aquaria groups  to kiss it, she
> is a RN suppsedly, so she may be able to stem the bleeding! LOL! I
> doubt you would get Jan or Kathy30 to help as they are carpet
> munchers.......
>
> On Sat, 05 May 2007 01:46:31 +0100, Brian Barlow 
> wrote:
>
> <<>>I got caught short tonight (I almost wet my pants!) whilst drunk and
> <<>>stumbled into a field to relieve myself against a farmer's fence.
> <<>>
> <<>>Unfortunately, I was so inebriated that I fell forward onto a
> <<>>barbed-wire fence and somehow, managed to snare my foreskin, the head
> <<>>of my penis AND my scrotum on the barbs :-(
> <<>>
> <<>>I'm now at home and hemorrhaging quite badly from these wounds,
> <<>>especially from the large rip in my helmet.
> <<>>
> <<>>Does anyone know how to stem the flow of blood, it's been 2 hours now
> <<>>and it doesn't seem to be stopping!
> <<>>
> <<>>I don't really want to go to hospital as it's too embarrassing.
> <<>>
> <<>>Will ice help?
>
>
>
> -------
> I forgot more about ponds and koi than I'll ever know!

you need to go to hospital. I'm serious, man.
"Brian Barlow"  wrote in message 
news:7cmn33l5lr3q6mg2bcemn55meuq83cr4l0@4ax.com...
> On Fri, 4 May 2007 20:05:37 -0500, "J. T. Laurie"
>  wrote:
>
>>apply pressure and call for an ambulance right away.
>
> I DON'T want to go to hospital. I've had a big wad of kitchen towel
> pressed on it for ages but every time I move it, it starts
> hemorrhaging again!
>
>>make sure they don't see your computer on ash...
>
> ????

I had to smile. thanks.
"thanatoid" <waiting@the.exit.invalid> wrote in message 
news:Xns9926F3F06F786thanexit@66.250.146.158...
> Brian Barlow  wrote in
> news:7cmn33l5lr3q6mg2bcemn55meuq83cr4l0@4ax.com:
>
>> On Fri, 4 May 2007 20:05:37 -0500, "J. T. Laurie"
>>  wrote:
>>
>>>apply pressure and call for an ambulance right away.
>>
>> I DON'T want to go to hospital. I've had a big wad of
>> kitchen towel pressed on it for ages but every time I move
>> it, it starts hemorrhaging again!
>>
>>>make sure they don't see your computer on ash...
>>
>> ????
>
> ash is alt.suicide.holiday, a group for people who want to die.
>
> Assuming your story is even partially true, it is quite possible
> you may die. The penis has an extreme concentration of blood
> vessels (that's how you get erections) and you COULD bleed to
> death. Nothing you can do yourself will stop the bleeding.
>
> Again, IF any of your story is even partially true, don't be a
> moron and call an ambulance immediately - unless you DO want to
> die.
>
> Would you rather tell the doctors YOUR story or try to explain
> to them how a large lightbulb got stuck in your arsehole?
>
>
> -- 
> Disagreements and the usual insults expected and welcomed.

"Meat Plow" <meat@meatplow.local> wrote in message 
news:tdl2l.e8i.19.1@news.alt.net...
> On Sat, 05 May 2007 01:46:31 +0100, Brian Barlow wrote:
>
>> I got caught short tonight (I almost wet my pants!) whilst drunk and
>> stumbled into a field to relieve myself against a farmer's fence.
>>
>> Unfortunately, I was so inebriated that I fell forward onto a
>> barbed-wire fence and somehow, managed to snare my foreskin, the head
>> of my penis AND my scrotum on the barbs :-(
>>
>> I'm now at home and hemorrhaging quite badly from these wounds,
>> especially from the large rip in my helmet.
>>
>> Does anyone know how to stem the flow of blood, it's been 2 hours now
>> and it doesn't seem to be stopping!
>>
>> I don't really want to go to hospital as it's too embarrassing.
>>
>> Will ice help?
>
> Super Glue.
> -- 
> #1 Offishul Ruiner of Usenet, March 2007
> #1 Usenet Asshole, March 2007
> #1 Bartlo Pset, March 13-24 2007
> #10 Most hated Usenetizen of all time
> Pierre Salinger Memorial Hook, Line & Sinker, June 2004
> COOSN-266-06-25794
>
> huh? your sig is weird...

Brian Barlow  said in 
news:73kn33tvtjo5eape2rbn93i1vd1k02bqnk@4ax.com:

> I got caught short tonight (I almost wet my pants!) whilst drunk and
> stumbled into a field to relieve myself against a farmer's fence.
> 
> Unfortunately, I was so inebriated that I fell forward onto a
> barbed-wire fence and somehow, managed to snare my foreskin, the head
> of my penis AND my scrotum on the barbs :-(
> 
> I'm now at home and hemorrhaging quite badly from these wounds,
> especially from the large rip in my helmet.
> 
> Does anyone know how to stem the flow of blood, it's been 2 hours now
> and it doesn't seem to be stopping! 
> 
> I don't really want to go to hospital as it's too embarrassing.
> 
> Will ice help?
> 

Stupid bugger.....

On Sat, 05 May 2007 01:46:31 +0100, Brian Barlow 
wrote:

>I got caught short tonight (I almost wet my pants!) whilst drunk and
>stumbled into a field to relieve myself against a farmer's fence.
>
>Unfortunately, I was so inebriated that I fell forward onto a
>barbed-wire fence and somehow, managed to snare my foreskin, the head
>of my penis AND my scrotum on the barbs :-(
>
>I'm now at home and hemorrhaging quite badly from these wounds,
>especially from the large rip in my helmet.
>
>Does anyone know how to stem the flow of blood, it's been 2 hours now
>and it doesn't seem to be stopping! 
>
>I don't really want to go to hospital as it's too embarrassing.
>
>Will ice help?

Possibly, but applying a tourniquet and elevating the injury so that
it's above your heart will probably be more effective.


-- 
JF

"Brian Barlow"  wrote in message 
news:73kn33tvtjo5eape2rbn93i1vd1k02bqnk@4ax.com...
>I got caught short tonight (I almost wet my pants!) whilst drunk and
> stumbled into a field to relieve myself against a farmer's fence.
>
> Unfortunately, I was so inebriated that I fell forward onto a
> barbed-wire fence and somehow, managed to snare my foreskin, the head
> of my penis AND my scrotum on the barbs :-(
>
> I'm now at home and hemorrhaging quite badly from these wounds,
> especially from the large rip in my helmet.
>
> Does anyone know how to stem the flow of blood, it's been 2 hours now
> and it doesn't seem to be stopping!
>
> I don't really want to go to hospital as it's too embarrassing.
>
> Will ice help?

Ouch.... i once tore my ripcord so sympathise with your dilemma.  Just wrap 
a dirty rag around it until it goes to a nice shade of grey/green - after 
that it'll be fine.

"J. T. Laurie"  wrote in
news:463c12c4$0$8988$4c368faf@roadrunner.com: 

> I had to smile. thanks.

My pleasure.

> "thanatoid" <waiting@the.exit.invalid> wrote in message 
> news:Xns9926F3F06F786thanexit@66.250.146.158...
>> Would you rather tell the doctors YOUR story or try to
>> explain to them how a large lightbulb got stuck in your
>> arsehole? 

Hey, it happens! Guys with an interest in the arsehole as a 
means of achieving sexual satisfaction do some pretty weird 
things. Although I understand the "gerbiling" myth IS a myth.



-- 
Disagreements and the usual insults expected and welcomed.

thanatoid wrote:

> 
> Hey, it happens! Guys with an interest in the arsehole as a 
> means of achieving sexual satisfaction do some pretty weird 
> things. Although I understand the "gerbiling" myth IS a myth.

Armageddon!!!



-- 
Am I a fool for hanging on?
Would I be a fool to be long gone?
When is daylight going to dawn
On my crazy faith?

thanatoid <waiting@the.exit.invalid> wrote:

>"J. T. Laurie"  wrote in
>news:463c12c4$0$8988$4c368faf@roadrunner.com: 
>
>> I had to smile. thanks.
>
>My pleasure.
>
>> "thanatoid" <waiting@the.exit.invalid> wrote in message 
>> news:Xns9926F3F06F786thanexit@66.250.146.158...
>>> Would you rather tell the doctors YOUR story or try to
>>> explain to them how a large lightbulb got stuck in your
>>> arsehole? 

>Hey, it happens! Guys with an interest in the arsehole as a 
>means of achieving sexual satisfaction do some pretty weird 
>things. Although I understand the "gerbiling" myth IS a myth.

Rectum - hell damn near killed em.
http://www.visualsunlimited.com/images/watermarked/313/3139.jpg

Head x-ray of above http://www.ourfunlife.com/health/xray.jpg

--
Get The Whole Thing
http://www.transbuddha.com/mediaHolder.php?id=1142

Pennywise@DerryMaine.Gov wrote:
>  Brian Barlow  wrote:
> 
>> I got caught short tonight (I almost wet my pants!) whilst drunk and
>> stumbled into a field to relieve myself against a farmer's fence.
> 
>> Unfortunately, I was so inebriated that I fell forward onto a
>> barbed-wire fence and somehow, managed to snare my foreskin, the head
>> of my penis AND my scrotum on the barbs :-(
> 
> Unlikely story, I bet you didn't pay heed to the sign that said to
> cross this field you must run faster than the bull.

The post was bull.

how do you know?
"Horse With No Name"  wrote in message 
news:463d9bfe@usenet.zapto.org...
> Pennywise@DerryMaine.Gov wrote:
>>  Brian Barlow  wrote:
>>
>>> I got caught short tonight (I almost wet my pants!) whilst drunk and
>>> stumbled into a field to relieve myself against a farmer's fence.
>>
>>> Unfortunately, I was so inebriated that I fell forward onto a
>>> barbed-wire fence and somehow, managed to snare my foreskin, the head
>>> of my penis AND my scrotum on the barbs :-(
>>
>> Unlikely story, I bet you didn't pay heed to the sign that said to
>> cross this field you must run faster than the bull.
>
> The post was bull.

J. T. Laurie wrote:
> how do you know?

If you'd ripped open your todger, would you sit in front of your screen 
typing about it? Or go get it stitched up?

Twat





> "Horse With No Name"  wrote in message 
> news:463d9bfe@usenet.zapto.org...
>> Pennywise@DerryMaine.Gov wrote:
>>>  Brian Barlow  wrote:
>>>
>>>> I got caught short tonight (I almost wet my pants!) whilst drunk and
>>>> stumbled into a field to relieve myself against a farmer's fence.
>>>> Unfortunately, I was so inebriated that I fell forward onto a
>>>> barbed-wire fence and somehow, managed to snare my foreskin, the head
>>>> of my penis AND my scrotum on the barbs :-(
>>> Unlikely story, I bet you didn't pay heed to the sign that said to
>>> cross this field you must run faster than the bull.
>> The post was bull. 
> 
>