Not long ago in this fair, noble land
stood Airy of Bean with a saw in his hand.
Trying quite vainly to cut yonder steel
that for e'en a child t'would've been no big deal.
"Fie and a pox, why this job is a chore"
cried Airy of Bean, his arms greatly sore,
"I've nay half the strength of a big hairy nutter,
I'm off aye to buy me a magical cutter".

Henceforth to Donnington Airy did roam
o'er hill, dale and tussock - past Hobbit and Gnome,
to find the much fabled Black Man of Gates
with wholesomely goods at much cheaply rates.
"Good trader pray help" quoth Airy of Bean
"my needs are much grave for a certain machine".
"I have one just here sir, a stout little hacksaw,
for groats I'll deliver it right to your front door".

He reached in his tunic, all dark damp and sweaty
"This'll cost me a lot, and I'm no John Paul Getty".
Groat after groat did he count out with pain
watching his finances shrivel and wane.
At last he had paid, save one groat from the lot,
and Black Man of Gates said  "One more, for the pot?"
But Airy of Bean had turned tail back to Chippenham,
"They can get stuffed if they think that I'm tipping 'em".

Airy of Bean, his knees all a quiver
did unpack his goods, with nay further dither.
And then didst he shriek a fair terrible cry,
through layers of sacking the beast did he spy.
"What low deed is this, this base hunk of metal -
what ignorant knave has buggered my fettle?
I'll rant and I'll rave, I'll turn the air blue,
that Black Man of Gates - why I might even sue!"

But then did a shiver strike Airy of Bean,
"That Black Man of Gates is quite hefty and mean.
I'll trouble him not, t'would send him in rages,
I'll log on the nette and pester the Sages".
So scribble he did, to groups engineering
"Lis't to me now of my tales not endearing".
And so they did listen, and gave this reply
"Send the thing back, he`ll replace by and by".

"He won't" wailed the Bean, his ague much indignant.
"He will" cried the Sages "tis written in pigment".
"Weighs nigh on eight pounds" exclaimed Bean "that's quite scary!".
The Sages replied "Thou art just a big fairy".
So Airy of Bean, his comments rebuffed,
considered his plight, feeling nay not that chuffed.
"I know what I'll do, I'll show them who'll win -
I'll toss the whole lot in my wastepaper bin!"

Here endeth the tale of Airy of Bean
but something's not right, or so it would seem.
Why shell out good groats for an item that's faulty
then chuck it away, in a mood foul and haughty?
Can it be true, was it really that bad,
is Airy of Bean aye really that sad?
No-one will know, for it lies in a bucket....
was it just broken...or did he just fuck it. 


-- 

from
Aero Spike