I'll do the ITSOL first then you wont have to read the rest of the gunk 
if you don't want to

<ITSOL>
Who was your maddest teacher?
</ITSOL

We used to have an utter loony called Mr O'Keefe. He was our Latin and 
English teacher for a couple of years. Odd methods, in the ten sentences 
we had for English homework each type of word had to be in a different 
and regular colour, blue for verbs, red for nouns etc. In Latin it was 
easier, there it just required each line to be in a different colour.
He was somewhat irascible and would storm up and down the alleys between 
desks and woe betide you if you coùùitted a heinous offence such as 
slipping something into your satchel before closing time, he would pick 
it up and empty the contents on the floor. One day he ripped his gown as 
he stormed past a desk. A few of the teachers wore them, gowns that is, 
no doubt because they had degrees which was a big deal back in the days 
of steam. He tore it off his back, rolled it into a ball and threw it 
out the window where to the great glee of the class it floated down two 
flights and fell in the fishpond.

"John of Aix"  wrote

> Who was your maddest teacher?

Mr. Ravenheart: Art, Woodwork and Chemistry.

Access to tools, cleaning materials, chemicals, small boys.

He had brilliant bonfires on a Sunday morning about 3.00, when he thought we 
were all asleep.

His wife owned a lovely little pie shop in the village.

On Tue, 29 Jul 2008 23:14:53 +0200, John of Aix wrote:

<snip>

> <ITSOL>
> Who was your maddest teacher?
> </ITSOL

The maddest teacher that I had was also one of the best. He taught me
O-Level biology. He'd spend half the lesson regaling us with stories from
his past. We liked him so much that we worked really hard. I got a B.

The worst was A-level chemistry. His method of teaching was pre-written
notes on an overhead projector. He'd just wind through them. I got a B at
O-level (different school), then, because of him, an F at A-level. Cunt.


-- 
The shortest route from one point to another is the straight line, 
but they really must face each other.

On Tue, 29 Jul 2008 22:35:05 +0100, Nine Cuts wrote:

<snip>

> His wife owned a lovely little pie shop in the village.

For some reason that sounds really creepy.


-- 
The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks 
behind.

John of Aix  wrote:

> Who was your maddest teacher?

The headmaster, I think on balance. But considering they were all
absolutely hatstand it's difficul to pick just one.

The Head somehow got away with marrying a schoolgirl and hung onto his
job. It was his habit to work himself up at ever assembly into
apoplectic spitting rages over complete and utter trivia. He would get
so angry that no one could understand him and the entire front row would
get covered in spit.

It was one reason that all kids were glad to get into the second year,
because we were seated in order from first form to sixth.

Hot Badger Deluxe  wrote:

> On Tue, 29 Jul 2008 22:35:05 +0100, Nine Cuts wrote:
> 
> <snip>
> 
> > His wife owned a lovely little pie shop in the village.
> 
> For some reason that sounds really creepy.

"We didn't burn him!"

Errm actually mine and Sam's school (same thing) wasn't that far from
Royston Vasey.

Hot Badger Deluxe  wrote:

> I got a B.

Slacker.

In article <488f8d89$0$2517$da0feed9@news.zen.co.uk>, 
qrnq_znatyrq_cvtrba@zfa.pbz says...
> 
> "John of Aix"  wrote
> 
> > Who was your maddest teacher?
> 
> Mr. Ravenheart: Art, Woodwork and Chemistry.
> 
> Access to tools, cleaning materials, chemicals, small boys.
> 
> He had brilliant bonfires on a Sunday morning about 3.00, when he thought we 
> were all asleep.
> 
> His wife owned a lovely little pie shop in the village.

Sounds marvellous.  On what day, and under exactly what conditions, did 
you move your coat to the lower peg?
-- 
SAm.

On Tue, 29 Jul 2008 22:53:47 +0100, Steve Firth wrote:

> Hot Badger Deluxe  wrote:
> 
>> I got a B.
> 
> Slacker.

It was a comprehensive school in Essex.


-- 
Remember, objects in the mirror are actually behind you.

In article <1ikv3dz.mhko101bcz9k6N%%steve%@malloc.co.uk>, %steve%
@malloc.co.uk says...
> John of Aix  wrote:
> 
> > Who was your maddest teacher?
> 
> The headmaster, I think on balance. But considering they were all
> absolutely hatstand it's difficul to pick just one.

The previously-mentioned games teacher there was a bit of a mad bastard.  
There were two music teachers that were more plain sadistic than 
actually mad.  Does that count?

> The Head somehow got away with marrying a schoolgirl and hung onto his
> job. It was his habit to work himself up at ever assembly into
> apoplectic spitting rages over complete and utter trivia. He would get
> so angry that no one could understand him and the entire front row would
> get covered in spit.
> 
> It was one reason that all kids were glad to get into the second year,
> because we were seated in order from first form to sixth.

When we weren't in a completely different building, across the other 
side of the valley.
-- 
SAm.

In article <1ikv3jf.1abo52m1utc7dcN%%steve%@malloc.co.uk>, %steve%
@malloc.co.uk says...
> Hot Badger Deluxe  wrote:
> 
> > On Tue, 29 Jul 2008 22:35:05 +0100, Nine Cuts wrote:
> > 
> > <snip>
> > 
> > > His wife owned a lovely little pie shop in the village.
> > 
> > For some reason that sounds really creepy.
> 
> "We didn't burn him!"
> 
> Errm actually mine and Sam's school (same thing) wasn't that far from
> Royston Vasey.

It was only `my school' until the end of first year.  After that, my 
folks upped sticks and hauled us off somewhere far more obviously 
godforsaken.  In hindsight, I guess that was pretty much the whole 
point.
-- 
SAm.

On Tue, 29 Jul 2008 23:14:53 +0200, John of Aix 
wrote the following to uk.misc:

> I'll do the ITSOL first then you wont have to read the rest of the gunk 
> if you don't want to
>
><ITSOL>
> Who was your maddest teacher?
></ITSOL

2 of my German teachers had nervous breakdowns (nothing to do with me), but
that might be taking things a bit literally. Another teacher got done for
attempted murder when he turned up at his parents' house and threatened to
kill them.

We had a rather odd science department. Mrs Bennett was by her own
description "vindictive", but she also had a very wicked sense of humour.
One time she told us she was going to go to the cupboard and get something
to prod people with who fidgeted. She produced probably one of the biggest
pairs of tweezers I've seen and started wandering round the classroom with
them. Mr Collinge had a taste for suits that would shame Rupert Bear but was
otherwise very boring and was mercilessly ridiculed by almost everyone
including other teachers.

The other standout teacher was Mr Sills. A former priest who lost his faith
and had a nervous breakdown while driving his family somewhere, he was the
ideal candidate to teach RS. Didn't seem too pleased when someone said she
thought a video of people talking about ghosts was a load of rubbish, or
when I argued with him about something in the playground and made him look
very silly.

mh.
-- 
http://www.nukesoft.co.uk
http://personal.nukesoft.co.uk

From address is a blackhole. Reply-to address is valid.

On Tue, 29 Jul 2008 22:59:43 +0100, Hot Badger Deluxe 
wrote the following to uk.misc:

> On Tue, 29 Jul 2008 22:53:47 +0100, Steve Firth wrote:
>
>> Hot Badger Deluxe  wrote:
>> 
>>> I got a B.
>> 
>> Slacker.
>
> It was a comprehensive school in Essex.

Swot.

mh.
-- 
http://www.nukesoft.co.uk
http://personal.nukesoft.co.uk

From address is a blackhole. Reply-to address is valid.

Sam Nelson  wrote:

> > It was one reason that all kids were glad to get into the second year,
> > because we were seated in order from first form to sixth.
> 
> When we weren't in a completely different building, across the other 
> side of the valley.

Ah yes, but that was many years later, when I was in the VIth. The
assembly used to take place under the Dome in my day. the headmaster in
question was PHV. I saw someone on Fiends Untied said he was "nice" and
I made a note that they must also have been mad.

That reminds me, you must have been (approximately) a contemporary of my
little brother and also Lloyd Cole. Is that right?

Sam Nelson  wrote:

> It was only `my school' until the end of first year.  After that, my 
> folks upped sticks and hauled us off somewhere far more obviously 
> godforsaken.  In hindsight, I guess that was pretty much the whole 
> point.

Gosh time off for good behaviour. You lucky, lucky...

I could have done with the place being godforsaken. Being a 12 year old
atheist with a mad Quaker headmaster really doesn't work.

Marcus Houlden  wrote:

> 2 of my German teachers had nervous breakdowns 

One of ours tried to kill a boy in my class.

I don't know how I managed it, but despite having one criminally insane
German teacher and the other from Birmingham I still ended up able to
speak decent Hochdeutsch - good enough to fool most Germans.

In article <1ikv4mo.1kh6ul0dh63fvN%%steve%@malloc.co.uk>, %steve%
@malloc.co.uk says...
> That reminds me, you must have been (approximately) a contemporary of my
> little brother and also Lloyd Cole. Is that right?

I think I was two years behind the former and one behind the latter.  I 
_might_ have met the latter, but I'd've been unlikely to have met the 
former.
-- 
SAm.

In article <1ikv4rz.eg7y401q8o2x6N%%steve%@malloc.co.uk>, %steve%
@malloc.co.uk says...
> Sam Nelson  wrote:
> > It was only `my school' until the end of first year.  After that, my 
> > folks upped sticks and hauled us off somewhere far more obviously 
> > godforsaken.  In hindsight, I guess that was pretty much the whole 
> > point.
> 
> Gosh time off for good behaviour. You lucky, lucky...

You've never been to Widnes, then.
-- 
SAm.

In uk.misc,  (Hot Badger Deluxe) wrote in
<fmhfisxrczmn$.bv4ebjeszzmi.dlg@40tude.net>::

>On Tue, 29 Jul 2008 23:14:53 +0200, John of Aix wrote:
>
><snip>
>
>> <ITSOL>
>> Who was your maddest teacher?
>> </ITSOL
>
>The maddest teacher that I had was also one of the best. He taught me
>O-Level biology. He'd spend half the lesson regaling us with stories from
>his past. We liked him so much that we worked really hard. I got a B.

It may be a case of rose-tinted specs, but I suspect all my teachers
were mad.  Some in good ways, some not so much.

The one that really stands out is Pete Ireland- history and Latin.  

- He used to give ad-hoc tests, and if you got a question wrong you had
to spend the remainder of the lesson standing on your desk.

- He was a rower, and phenomenally strong.  His party trick was riding
his pushbike up two flights of stairs and into the classroom.  Not a
mountain bike, of course, in those days, but a great big heavy iron
thing.

- One of his punishments was holding boys out of a second-storey window,
by the ankles.
-- 
Marc

senior nos adepto , melior nos erant

Sam Nelson  wrote:

> In article <1ikv4rz.eg7y401q8o2x6N%%steve%@malloc.co.uk>, %steve%
> @malloc.co.uk says...
> > Sam Nelson  wrote:
> > > It was only `my school' until the end of first year.  After that, my
> > > folks upped sticks and hauled us off somewhere far more obviously
> > > godforsaken.  In hindsight, I guess that was pretty much the whole
> > > point.
> > 
> > Gosh time off for good behaviour. You lucky, lucky...
> 
> You've never been to Widnes, then.

I have it's a toss up if that's an improvement or not.

Sam Nelson  wrote:

> I think I was two years behind the former and one behind the latter.  I
> _might_ have met the latter,

If you had you'd probably have featired in his "I hate my old school"
rant on Fiends R.

>  but I'd've been unlikely to have met the former.

Just as well, he was a right little thug.

*predicts Zola Budd posting "I'm never going back to my old school."*




-- 
Grk!

On Tue, 29 Jul 2008 22:53:47 +0100, %steve%@malloc.co.uk (Steve Firth)
wrote:

>
>Errm actually mine and Sam's school (same thing) wasn't that far from
>Royston Vasey.

Which one, Hadfield or Chubby Brown?
-- 
JAF anarchatntlworldfullstopcom
     Sapere Aude

In article , 
grk@ku.gro.assednacni says...
> *predicts Zola Budd posting "I'm never going back to my old school."*
> 
Well, I might've, but you've spoilt it now.
Offhand I can't think of any teachers at my school that were 
certifiable. The maths teacher was a deadly shot with the chalk but 
otherwise very good. The rest were just average, nowt special. It was 
possible to get the Geog/Latin teacher to go off on one about his war 
experiences, but that's about it. The English master was vaguely feared, 
but that was more to do with the eyebrows than anythign he actually did.
We had a games master who played rugger for Somerset and ran off with 
the History mistress, but we'd all have liked to run off with her.

I remember the thirty-five sweet goodbyes
When you put me on the Wolverine up to Annandale
It was still September when your daddy was quite surprised
To find you with the working girls in the county jail
I was smoking with the boys upstairs
When I heard about the whole affair
I said oh no William and Mary won't do

Well I did not think the girl could be so cruel
And I'm never going back to my old school

Oleanders growing outside her door
Soon they're gonna be in bloom up in Annandale
I can't stand her doing what she did before
Living like a gypsy queen in a fairy tale
Well I hear the whistle but I can't go
I'm gonna take her down to Mexico
She said oh no Guadalajara won't do

Well I did not think the girl
Could be so cruel
And I'm never going back
To my old school

California tumbles into the sea
That'll be the day I go back to Annandale
Tried to warn you about Chino and Daddy Gee
But I can't seem to get to you through the U.S. Mail
Well I hear the whistle but I can't go
I'm gonna take her down to Mexico
She said oh no Guadalajara won't do

Well I did not think the girl
Could be so cruel
And I'm never going back
To my old school

-- 
People all over the world
Join hands
Start a love train
Love train

JAF  wrote:

> Which one, Hadfield or Chubby Brown?

The former. I've eaten in the latter's favourite restaurant.

In article <488f8844$0$891$ba4acef3@news.orange.fr>, 
j.murphy@libertysurf.fr says...
> I'll do the ITSOL first then you wont have to read the rest of the gunk 
> if you don't want to
> 
> <ITSOL>
> Who was your maddest teacher?
> </ITSOL

Gavin Selerie, my second year English teacher. He dressed like Rupert 
Bear was his fashion icon, and had no idea of how to maintain discipline 
or order in a class held just before lunchtime with girls who were on 
first sitting that day.

Blow me, I've just Googled his name. If it's the same chap, he's now a 
published poet. And apparently still hatstand.

Then there was Miss Ledacre, who taught me maths that same year. She was 
more interested in telling us about how she was so Krazee she'd eat dog 
biscuits than in teaching us maths. Perhaps that's why my maths skills 
are so crap.

In article ,
 Amethyst Deceiver  writes:
> Then there was Miss Ledacre, who taught me maths that same year. She was 
> more interested in telling us about how she was so Krazee she'd eat dog 
> biscuits than in teaching us maths. Perhaps that's why my maths skills 
> are so crap.

There was a maths teacher at my school that didn't understand vectors.  His
approach to teaching this topic was, um, interesting.  Unfortunately for him,
a classmate's mother was a) the principal of the local FE college, and b) the
author of two maths textbooks.  When she saw the homework that had been set,
words were had with the head of my school, and said maths teacher disappeared
smartly.  Dunno where he went.
-- 
SAm.

In uk.misc,  (Sam Nelson) wrote in
::

>In article <1ikv3dz.mhko101bcz9k6N%%steve%@malloc.co.uk>, %steve%
>@malloc.co.uk says...
>> John of Aix  wrote:
>> 
>> > Who was your maddest teacher?
>> 
>> The headmaster, I think on balance. But considering they were all
>> absolutely hatstand it's difficul to pick just one.
>
>The previously-mentioned games teacher there was a bit of a mad bastard.  

Games teachers are all mad- it may even be a clause in their contracts.
One of ours was particularly sadistic, and even the beak struggled to
suppress a smile when the "sad" news that he'd dropped dead of a heart
attack on his own doorstep was met with a muted cheer.

Another of ours had a nasty tendency to hit people with his whistle-
Mike Slemmen, a former England player.  He still had an astonishing turn
of speed.

>There were two music teachers that were more plain sadistic than 
>actually mad.  Does that count?

My music teacher was sadly misplaced in his role- he had a genuine love
of music, which he was totally unsuited to passing on.  He was ex-RN,
and often wore naval battledress.  Combined with his scowl and
impressive beard, this made him appear to be Captain Birdseye's evil
twin.

He made boys sit in alphabetical order in the classroom.  He must be
responsible for many losing any interest in music they might have had.
-- 
Marc

The other day, upon the stair,
I saw a man who wasn't there.
He wasn't there again today -
I think he's from the CIA.  -  anon.

On Wed, 30 Jul 2008 17:19:03 +0100, Marc Wilson wrote:

> Games teachers are all mad- it may even be a clause in their contracts.
> One of ours was particularly sadistic, and even the beak struggled to
> suppress a smile when the "sad" news that he'd dropped dead of a heart
> attack on his own doorstep was met with a muted cheer.

My games teachers were Mr Price, Mr Jones, and Mr Evans. Note a theme to
the surnames. Ivor Evans was a nasty piece of work - five foot five
redhead. However, I do remember with pleasure one rugby lesson. One of the
supposed hard-bastard bullies tackled someone very nastily. Evans told him
to stand still. He then tackled him... Properly. The guy was in tears. How
we laughed.


-- 
"I like it when we're dreaming," she said. "It makes more sense."

Marc Wilson  wrote:

> He made boys sit in alphabetical order in the classroom.  He must be
> responsible for many losing any interest in music they might have had.

The music teacher at my OS managed that as well. I went from primary
school to grammar able to play the piano reasonably well and the double
bass like someone strangling a cat with a set of bagpipes. But at least
I was interested in it. Within two years I gave up music because the
bastard had poisoned the entire subject.

I don't think the point of music should be to feed the ego of the music
teacher and to give them a constant source of children to scream at and
belittle. But I think he saw it as his duty to sneer at others musical
tastes and to heap scorn on what little talent they had.

In article <1qverqq2jwwiv$.gz3gsajf814g.dlg@40tude.net>, 
watercress@spamcop.org says...
> On Wed, 30 Jul 2008 17:19:03 +0100, Marc Wilson wrote:
> 
> > Games teachers are all mad- it may even be a clause in their contracts.
> > One of ours was particularly sadistic, and even the beak struggled to
> > suppress a smile when the "sad" news that he'd dropped dead of a heart
> > attack on his own doorstep was met with a muted cheer.
> 
> My games teachers were Mr Price, Mr Jones, and Mr Evans. Note a theme to
> the surnames. Ivor Evans was a nasty piece of work - five foot five
> redhead. However, I do remember with pleasure one rugby lesson. One of the
> supposed hard-bastard bullies tackled someone very nastily. Evans told him
> to stand still. He then tackled him... Properly. The guy was in tears. How
> we laughed.

One of YT's games teachers had to demonstrate to the class how to use 
some piece of gymnastic equipment.  At one point, he said something like 
`when you jump down _here_, you must be careful to avoid landing like 
_this_...' and promptly did land exactly like _that_, and promptly gell 
and broke her leg.
-- 
SAm.

In article <1ikwkoe.19si5g3tqlzmpN%%steve%@malloc.co.uk>, %steve%
@malloc.co.uk says...
> Marc Wilson  wrote:
> 
> > He made boys sit in alphabetical order in the classroom.  He must be
> > responsible for many losing any interest in music they might have had.
> 
> The music teacher at my OS managed that as well.

Horsley, was hie name?  Something like that.  He used to have me hauled 
out of a science lesson every Friday afternoon to give me a row for 
failing to turn up at his orchestra practice on the previous Wednesday 
evening.  His sidekick, a woman named something like Dhamani, once 
waited for me, a few yards up the road, to leave home for school one 
morning and drove me to school so that she could tear a strip off me 
during the trip.  Would get her into a deal of trouble now, that.

> But I think he saw it as his duty to sneer at others musical
> tastes and to heap scorn on what little talent they had.

I got him back in a small way, if we're talking about the same person, 
by turning up for an orchestra performance in a grey school shirt when I 
was supposed to turn up in white.  He was fuming, when he saw me, but 
there was bugger-all he could do about it with my parents in the front 
room.
-- 
SAm.

In article , 
sam@ssrl.org.uk says...
> In article <1qverqq2jwwiv$.gz3gsajf814g.dlg@40tude.net>, 
> watercress@spamcop.org says...
> > On Wed, 30 Jul 2008 17:19:03 +0100, Marc Wilson wrote:
> > 
> > > Games teachers are all mad- it may even be a clause in their contracts.
> > > One of ours was particularly sadistic, and even the beak struggled to
> > > suppress a smile when the "sad" news that he'd dropped dead of a heart
> > > attack on his own doorstep was met with a muted cheer.
> > 
> > My games teachers were Mr Price, Mr Jones, and Mr Evans. Note a theme to
> > the surnames. Ivor Evans was a nasty piece of work - five foot five
> > redhead. However, I do remember with pleasure one rugby lesson. One of the
> > supposed hard-bastard bullies tackled someone very nastily. Evans told him
> > to stand still. He then tackled him... Properly. The guy was in tears. How
> > we laughed.
> 
> One of YT's games teachers had to demonstrate to the class how to use 
> some piece of gymnastic equipment.  At one point, he said something like
                                                    ^
                                                    |
Sigh.  That should have been `she'------------------+
-- 
SAm.

On Wed, 30 Jul 2008 18:54:13 +0100, Sam Nelson 
wrote the following to uk.misc:

> In article , 
> sam@ssrl.org.uk says...
>> In article <1qverqq2jwwiv$.gz3gsajf814g.dlg@40tude.net>, 
>> watercress@spamcop.org says...
>> > On Wed, 30 Jul 2008 17:19:03 +0100, Marc Wilson wrote:
>> > 
>> > > Games teachers are all mad- it may even be a clause in their contracts.
>> > > One of ours was particularly sadistic, and even the beak struggled to
>> > > suppress a smile when the "sad" news that he'd dropped dead of a heart
>> > > attack on his own doorstep was met with a muted cheer.
>> > 
>> > My games teachers were Mr Price, Mr Jones, and Mr Evans. Note a theme to
>> > the surnames. Ivor Evans was a nasty piece of work - five foot five
>> > redhead. However, I do remember with pleasure one rugby lesson. One of the
>> > supposed hard-bastard bullies tackled someone very nastily. Evans told him
>> > to stand still. He then tackled him... Properly. The guy was in tears. How
>> > we laughed.
>> 
>> One of YT's games teachers had to demonstrate to the class how to use 
>> some piece of gymnastic equipment.  At one point, he said something like
>                                                     ^
>                                                     |
> Sigh.  That should have been `she'------------------+

An easy mistake to make with some PE teachers.

mh.
-- 
http://www.nukesoft.co.uk
http://personal.nukesoft.co.uk

From address is a blackhole. Reply-to address is valid.

"John of Aix"  wrote in message 
news:488f8844$0$891$ba4acef3@news.orange.fr...
> I'll do the ITSOL first then you wont have to read the rest of the gunk if 
> you don't want to
>
> <ITSOL>
> Who was your maddest teacher?
> </ITSOL
>
> We used to have an utter loony called Mr O'Keefe. He was our Latin and 
> English teacher for a couple of years. Odd methods, in the ten sentences 
> we had for English homework each type of word had to be in a different and 
> regular colour, blue for verbs, red for nouns etc. In Latin it was easier, 
> there it just required each line to be in a different colour.
> He was somewhat irascible and would storm up and down the alleys between 
> desks and woe betide you if you coùùitted a heinous offence such as 
> slipping something into your satchel before closing time, he would pick it 
> up and empty the contents on the floor. One day he ripped his gown as he 
> stormed past a desk. A few of the teachers wore them, gowns that is, no 
> doubt because they had degrees which was a big deal back in the days of 
> steam. He tore it off his back, rolled it into a ball and threw it out the 
> window where to the great glee of the class it floated down two flights 
> and fell in the fishpond.
>

What years were you at St Ignatius College then? There can't be two Latin & 
English teachers called Mr O'Keefe who marked you on colouring an essay 
rather than it's content.

Nello

Nello Ostacchini wrote:
> "John of Aix"  wrote in message
> news:488f8844$0$891$ba4acef3@news.orange.fr...

> What years were you at St Ignatius College then? There can't be two
> Latin & English teachers called Mr O'Keefe who marked you on
> colouring an essay rather than it's content.

Bravo

59 to 64

Sam Nelson  wrote:

> Horsley, was hie name?  Something like that. 

No the one before him. There was Miss or rather Ms Chabert who taught
biology and music. She was a pretty good cellist but couldn't teach for
toffee and she gave up before the students did.

I can't remember the music teacher's name. Balding with a tweed jacket
with leather patches. But that's all of them, isn't it?

In article <1ikwrvd.1j1vhvs1cw1c6cN%%steve%@malloc.co.uk>, %steve%
@malloc.co.uk says...
> Sam Nelson  wrote:
> 
> > Horsley, was hie name?  Something like that. 
> 
> No the one before him. There was Miss or rather Ms Chabert who taught
> biology and music. She was a pretty good cellist but couldn't teach for
> toffee and she gave up before the students did.

I keep thinking `shit, you could've dated my sister...'.

> I can't remember the music teacher's name. Balding with a tweed jacket
> with leather patches. But that's all of them, isn't it?

It isn't far off.
-- 
SAm.

Sam Nelson  wrote:

> I keep thinking `shit, you could've dated my sister...'.

I was the maths, physics, chemistry and biology nerd. I couldn't have
dated anyone. Not even with a months supply of Rohypnol. I had to wait
until I got to Uni where everyone was like that. Then the only problem
was getting over the fact I didn't find nerdy girls attractive.

On Wed, 30 Jul 2008 22:38:43 +0100, Steve Firth wrote:

> Sam Nelson  wrote:
> 
>> I keep thinking `shit, you could've dated my sister...'.
> 
> I was the maths, physics, chemistry and biology nerd. I couldn't have
> dated anyone. Not even with a months supply of Rohypnol. 

AOL

Apart from Pat. But I was too shy to respond. Damn.


> I had to wait
> until I got to Uni where everyone was like that. Then the only problem
> was getting over the fact I didn't find nerdy girls attractive.

Oh, I did. Sadly they didn't find me attractive.


-- 
Remember, objects in the mirror are actually behind you.

In article <1ikwrvd.1j1vhvs1cw1c6cN%%steve%@malloc.co.uk>, 
%steve%@malloc.co.uk says...
> 
> I can't remember the music teacher's name. Balding with a tweed jacket
> with leather patches. But that's all of them, isn't it?
> 

Yep. Though ours was a pretty good music teacher. Mrs Windley. Balding, 
with a tweed jacket with leather patches, and long dark skirts.

-- 
eric
In the beginning was the word, and the word was
"what happens if I press this button?"

On Wed, 30 Jul 2008 22:43:46 +0100, Bing Trotsky wrote:

> In article <1ikwrvd.1j1vhvs1cw1c6cN%%steve%@malloc.co.uk>, 
> %steve%@malloc.co.uk says...
>> 
>> I can't remember the music teacher's name. Balding with a tweed jacket
>> with leather patches. But that's all of them, isn't it?
>> 
> 
> Yep. Though ours was a pretty good music teacher. Mrs Windley. Balding, 
> with a tweed jacket with leather patches, and long dark skirts.

Miss Harvey. The teenagers dream. Petite, long brown hair, hips. Also, it
was a school music lesson that introduced me to Stockhausen.


-- 
It is not doubt, it is certainty that drives you mad.

Hot Badger Deluxe  wrote:

>  it was a school music lesson that introduced me to Stockhausen.

Bad luck. Did you recover from the trauma?

On Thu, 31 Jul 2008 00:02:14 +0100, Steve Firth wrote:

> Hot Badger Deluxe  wrote:
> 
>>  it was a school music lesson that introduced me to Stockhausen.
> 
> Bad luck. Did you recover from the trauma?

"It opened a doorway" he says pretentiously. Up there with seeing my first
Rothko.


-- 
To the flying machine...

On 2008-07-30, Marc Wilson  wrote:
> In uk.misc,  (Sam Nelson) wrote in
>::
>
>>In article <1ikv3dz.mhko101bcz9k6N%%steve%@malloc.co.uk>, %steve%
>>@malloc.co.uk says...
>>> John of Aix  wrote:
>>> 
>>> > Who was your maddest teacher?
>>> 
>>> The headmaster, I think on balance. But considering they were all
>>> absolutely hatstand it's difficul to pick just one.
>>
>>The previously-mentioned games teacher there was a bit of a mad bastard.  
>
> Games teachers are all mad- it may even be a clause in their contracts.
> One of ours was particularly sadistic, and even the beak struggled to
> suppress a smile when the "sad" news that he'd dropped dead of a heart
> attack on his own doorstep was met with a muted cheer.
>
> Another of ours had a nasty tendency to hit people with his whistle-
> Mike Slemmen, a former England player.  He still had an astonishing turn
> of speed.
>
>>There were two music teachers that were more plain sadistic than 
>>actually mad.  Does that count?
>
> My music teacher was sadly misplaced in his role- he had a genuine love
> of music, which he was totally unsuited to passing on.  He was ex-RN,
> and often wore naval battledress.  Combined with his scowl and
> impressive beard, this made him appear to be Captain Birdseye's evil
> twin.
>
> He made boys sit in alphabetical order in the classroom.  He must be
> responsible for many losing any interest in music they might have had.

You didn't go to Bedminster Down Comprehensive School, did you?

-- 
          "Be thankful that you have a life, and forsake your vain
                 and presumptuous desire for a second one."
               [email me at huge {at} huge (dot) org <dot> uk]

In article <1ikwrvd.1j1vhvs1cw1c6cN%%steve%@malloc.co.uk>, %steve%
@malloc.co.uk says...
> Sam Nelson  wrote:
> 
> > Horsley, was hie name?  Something like that. 
> 
> No the one before him. There was Miss or rather Ms Chabert who taught
> biology and music. She was a pretty good cellist but couldn't teach for
> toffee and she gave up before the students did.
> 
> I can't remember the music teacher's name. Balding with a tweed jacket
> with leather patches. But that's all of them, isn't it?

My music teacher wore a dress. You're describing my geography teacher 
and my chemistry teacher.

In article <buj9kudllvpx.13katex024cly$.dlg@40tude.net>, 
watercress@spamcop.org says...
> On Wed, 30 Jul 2008 22:43:46 +0100, Bing Trotsky wrote:
> 
> > In article <1ikwrvd.1j1vhvs1cw1c6cN%%steve%@malloc.co.uk>, 
> > %steve%@malloc.co.uk says...
> >> 
> >> I can't remember the music teacher's name. Balding with a tweed jacket
> >> with leather patches. But that's all of them, isn't it?
> >> 
> > 
> > Yep. Though ours was a pretty good music teacher. Mrs Windley. Balding, 
> > with a tweed jacket with leather patches, and long dark skirts.
> 
> Miss Harvey. The teenagers dream. Petite, long brown hair, hips. Also, it
> was a school music lesson that introduced me to Stockhausen.

Same here. We all looked sideways at the record-player and moved on.

On Thu, 31 Jul 2008 12:31:09 +0100, Amethyst Deceiver wrote:

> In article <buj9kudllvpx.13katex024cly$.dlg@40tude.net>, 
> watercress@spamcop.org says...
>> On Wed, 30 Jul 2008 22:43:46 +0100, Bing Trotsky wrote:
>> 
>>> In article <1ikwrvd.1j1vhvs1cw1c6cN%%steve%@malloc.co.uk>, 
>>> %steve%@malloc.co.uk says...
>>>> 
>>>> I can't remember the music teacher's name. Balding with a tweed jacket
>>>> with leather patches. But that's all of them, isn't it?
>>>> 
>>> 
>>> Yep. Though ours was a pretty good music teacher. Mrs Windley. Balding, 
>>> with a tweed jacket with leather patches, and long dark skirts.
>> 
>> Miss Harvey. The teenagers dream. Petite, long brown hair, hips. Also, it
>> was a school music lesson that introduced me to Stockhausen.
> 
> Same here. We all looked sideways at the record-player and moved on.

I moved forwards. Sorry, that sounds insulting, and it wasn't meant to. I'd
already been doing a lot of experimenting with sound on an old reel-to-reel
tape deck. Splicing things together, speeding them up, slowing them down. I
liked it, but hadn't had the validation that it could be called music.
Stockhausen provided this. Changed my life.


-- 
Few people even scratch the surface, much less exhaust
the contemplation of their own experience.

In uk.misc,  (Huge) wrote in <g6s0ev$1b6$3@anubis.demon.co.uk>::

>On 2008-07-30, Marc Wilson  wrote:
>> In uk.misc,  (Sam Nelson) wrote in
>>::
>>
>>>In article <1ikv3dz.mhko101bcz9k6N%%steve%@malloc.co.uk>, %steve%
>>>@malloc.co.uk says...
>>>> John of Aix  wrote:
>>>> 
>>>> > Who was your maddest teacher?
>>>> 
>>>> The headmaster, I think on balance. But considering they were all
>>>> absolutely hatstand it's difficul to pick just one.
>>>
>>>The previously-mentioned games teacher there was a bit of a mad bastard.  
>>
>> Games teachers are all mad- it may even be a clause in their contracts.
>> One of ours was particularly sadistic, and even the beak struggled to
>> suppress a smile when the "sad" news that he'd dropped dead of a heart
>> attack on his own doorstep was met with a muted cheer.
>>
>> Another of ours had a nasty tendency to hit people with his whistle-
>> Mike Slemmen, a former England player.  He still had an astonishing turn
>> of speed.
>>
>>>There were two music teachers that were more plain sadistic than 
>>>actually mad.  Does that count?
>>
>> My music teacher was sadly misplaced in his role- he had a genuine love
>> of music, which he was totally unsuited to passing on.  He was ex-RN,
>> and often wore naval battledress.  Combined with his scowl and
>> impressive beard, this made him appear to be Captain Birdseye's evil
>> twin.
>>
>> He made boys sit in alphabetical order in the classroom.  He must be
>> responsible for many losing any interest in music they might have had.
>
>You didn't go to Bedminster Down Comprehensive School, did you?

Not even close.  Merchant Taylors' School (Crosby).
-- 
Marc

Not only does the English Language borrow words from other languages,
it sometimes chases them down dark alleys, hits them over the head, and
goes through their pockets. -- James Nicoll
Not only that, instead of the money, it escapes with the pocket lint.  -- Don Roberts

"Amethyst Deceiver"  wrote in message

> My music teacher wore a dress.

When you get one of those tuits without a corner and write the autobiography 
then that *has* to be in the top three for a title.

On 2008-07-31, Marc Wilson  wrote:
> In uk.misc,  (Huge) wrote in <g6s0ev$1b6$3@anubis.demon.co.uk>::
>
>>On 2008-07-30, Marc Wilson  wrote:
>>> In uk.misc,  (Sam Nelson) wrote in
>>>::


>>>
>>> He made boys sit in alphabetical order in the classroom.  He must be
>>> responsible for many losing any interest in music they might have had.
>>
>>You didn't go to Bedminster Down Comprehensive School, did you?
>
> Not even close.  Merchant Taylors' School (Crosby).

I suspect, therefore, from reading this thread that teachers are (or at least,
were) All The Same.

-- 
          "Be thankful that you have a life, and forsake your vain
                 and presumptuous desire for a second one."
               [email me at huge {at} huge (dot) org <dot> uk]

Huge <Huge@nowhere.much.invalid> wrote:

> I suspect, therefore, from reading this thread that teachers are (or at least,
> were) All The Same.

"This book is dedicated to all teachers, both half-alive and dead."

In uk.misc,  (Huge) wrote in <g6se4c$52h$5@anubis.demon.co.uk>::

>On 2008-07-31, Marc Wilson  wrote:
>> In uk.misc,  (Huge) wrote in <g6s0ev$1b6$3@anubis.demon.co.uk>::
>>
>>>On 2008-07-30, Marc Wilson  wrote:
>>>> In uk.misc,  (Sam Nelson) wrote in
>>>>::
>
>
>>>>
>>>> He made boys sit in alphabetical order in the classroom.  He must be
>>>> responsible for many losing any interest in music they might have had.
>>>
>>>You didn't go to Bedminster Down Comprehensive School, did you?
>>
>> Not even close.  Merchant Taylors' School (Crosby).
>
>I suspect, therefore, from reading this thread that teachers are (or at least,
>were) All The Same.

Certainly those of that era were more, erm, eccentric than the present
lot.  If my teachers were still around, behaving as they did, quite a
few of them would be in custody (apart from the one who was, and is now
dead and much unmissed.  I must find his grave, so I can go and piss on
it).
-- 
Marc

There are two rules for business success
1. Never tell everything you know.

In article , 
watercress@spamcop.org says...
> On Wed, 30 Jul 2008 22:38:43 +0100, Steve Firth wrote:
> 
> > Sam Nelson  wrote:
> > 
> >> I keep thinking `shit, you could've dated my sister...'.
> > 
> > I was the maths, physics, chemistry and biology nerd. I couldn't have
> > dated anyone. Not even with a months supply of Rohypnol. 
> 
> AOL
> 
> Apart from Pat. But I was too shy to respond. Damn.

AOL^2.  There are, I've subsequently discovered, at least three women in 
the world that definitely didn't expect to be going home that night.  On 
each occasion I didn't so much as notice the possibility.

> > I had to wait
> > until I got to Uni where everyone was like that. Then the only problem
> > was getting over the fact I didn't find nerdy girls attractive.
> 
> Oh, I did. Sadly they didn't find me attractive.

As I believe I've said hereabouts before, I spent almost exactly five-
eighths of my degree course chasing completely the wrong woman.  She's a 
head teacher now---which is a good way to feel old.  Another woman on 
whom I had designs was Lady Mayoress of London recently.  Not that she 
ever noticed; she was always going to need a Terribly Rich Bloke---and 
she duly got one.
-- 
SAm.

John of Aix explained on 29/07/2008 :
> I'll do the ITSOL first then you wont have to read the rest of the gunk if 
> you don't want to
>
> <ITSOL>
> Who was your maddest teacher?
> </ITSOL
>
> We used to have an utter loony called Mr O'Keefe. He was our Latin and 
> English teacher for a couple of years. Odd methods, in the ten sentences we 
> had for English homework each type of word had to be in a different and 
> regular colour, blue for verbs, red for nouns etc. In Latin it was easier, 
> there it just required each line to be in a different colour.
> He was somewhat irascible and would storm up and down the alleys between 
> desks and woe betide you if you coùùitted a heinous offence such as slipping 
> something into your satchel before closing time, he would pick it up and 
> empty the contents on the floor. One day he ripped his gown as he stormed 
> past a desk. A few of the teachers wore them, gowns that is, no doubt because 
> they had degrees which was a big deal back in the days of steam. He tore it 
> off his back, rolled it into a ball and threw it out the window where to the 
> great glee of the class it floated down two flights and fell in the fishpond.

We had a maths teacher called "old peppermint" because he sucked them 
all day long when he gave up the fags.  He would very often stop what 
he was doing and change the subject and start talking about how to sort 
"bad un's" out.  He would revel in tales of how a mugger had his arms 
broken when they were laid on the curb and jumped on by a potential 
victim in NYC.  He would have been far happier talking about acts of 
violence for the whole lesson.  As regards maths we never learned a 
hell of a lot off him but he taught us how to jab and move and throw a 
right cross.

-- 
Count Baldoni

Steve Firth pretended :
> John of Aix  wrote:
>
>> Who was your maddest teacher?
>
> The headmaster, I think on balance. But considering they were all
> absolutely hatstand it's difficul to pick just one.
>
> The Head somehow got away with marrying a schoolgirl and hung onto his
> job. It was his habit to work himself up at ever assembly into
> apoplectic spitting rages over complete and utter trivia. He would get
> so angry that no one could understand him and the entire front row would
> get covered in spit.
>
> It was one reason that all kids were glad to get into the second year,
> because we were seated in order from first form to sixth.

Our head read the same passage from the Bible nearly every week the 
senile old bugger.

"Or how canst thou say to thy brother, Brother, let me cast out the 
mote that is in thine eye, when thou thyself beholdest not the beam 
that is in thine own eye? Thou hypocrite, cast out first the beam out 
of thine own eye, and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote 
that is in thy brother's eye."

Luke 6:42

-- 
Count Baldoni

Steve Firth used his keyboard to write :
> Sam Nelson  wrote:
>
>> Horsley, was hie name?  Something like that. 
>
> No the one before him. There was Miss or rather Ms Chabert who taught
> biology and music. She was a pretty good cellist but couldn't teach for
> toffee and she gave up before the students did.
>
> I can't remember the music teacher's name. Balding with a tweed jacket
> with leather patches. But that's all of them, isn't it?

Tweed jackets with leather patches.  They must have been de rigueur 
throughout the land.

-- 
Count Baldoni

Marc Wilson pretended :
> In uk.misc,  (Huge) wrote in <g6se4c$52h$5@anubis.demon.co.uk>::
>
>> On 2008-07-31, Marc Wilson  wrote:
>>> In uk.misc,  (Huge) wrote in <g6s0ev$1b6$3@anubis.demon.co.uk>::
>>> 
>>>> On 2008-07-30, Marc Wilson  wrote:
>>>>> In uk.misc,  (Sam Nelson) wrote in
>>>>> ::
>> 
>> 
>>>>> 
>>>>> He made boys sit in alphabetical order in the classroom.  He must be
>>>>> responsible for many losing any interest in music they might have had.
>>>> 
>>>> You didn't go to Bedminster Down Comprehensive School, did you?
>>> 
>>> Not even close.  Merchant Taylors' School (Crosby).
>> 
>> I suspect, therefore, from reading this thread that teachers are (or at 
>> least, were) All The Same.
>
> Certainly those of that era were more, erm, eccentric than the present
> lot.  If my teachers were still around, behaving as they did, quite a
> few of them would be in custody (apart from the one who was, and is now
> dead and much unmissed.  I must find his grave, so I can go and piss on
> it).

A metalwork teacher called Cross hit me across the back of the legs 
with a file as a few of us were making fun of his Bahá’í Faith.  He 
chose to tell us all one day for some reason that a friend of his had 
been shot in Iran and thrown on a rubbish tip.  Why everyone found this 
so funny I will never know.

Also as luck would have it my uncle sold one of the other metalwork 
teachers a Morris Minor which turned out to have many things wrong with 
it and the bastard kept badgering me about it all the time.

-- 
Count Baldoni

On Thu, 31 Jul 2008 20:44:02 +0100, Baldoni wrote:

<snip>

> Tweed jackets with leather patches.  They must have been de rigueur 
> throughout the land.

I wear a pseudo-tweed jacket. It looks like tweed, but doesn't smell of
piss when it rains. Then again I wear it with combat trousers and a T-shirt
(Kyuss today(1)).

(1) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T2IZ2qI3ahg


-- 
There is a vegitarian option - you can fuck off.

On Thu, 31 Jul 2008 20:44:02 +0100, Baldoni 
wrote the following to uk.misc:

> Steve Firth used his keyboard to write :
>> Sam Nelson  wrote:
>>
>>> Horsley, was hie name?  Something like that. 
>>
>> No the one before him. There was Miss or rather Ms Chabert who taught
>> biology and music. She was a pretty good cellist but couldn't teach for
>> toffee and she gave up before the students did.
>>
>> I can't remember the music teacher's name. Balding with a tweed jacket
>> with leather patches. But that's all of them, isn't it?
>
> Tweed jackets with leather patches.  They must have been de rigueur 
> throughout the land.

The tweed jacket wearer at my school was the interestingly named Mr
Cockings. Apart from his sartorial taste he was actually a pretty good
teacher. We had a French teacher who sometimes wore a flat cap, but that was
because his kids bought it as a joke and he wore it when he went out with
them just to wind them up.

mh.
-- 
http://www.nukesoft.co.uk
http://personal.nukesoft.co.uk

From address is a blackhole. Reply-to address is valid.

On 2008-07-31, Marc Wilson  wrote:
> In uk.misc,  (Huge) wrote in <g6se4c$52h$5@anubis.demon.co.uk>::
>
>>On 2008-07-31, Marc Wilson  wrote:
>>> In uk.misc,  (Huge) wrote in <g6s0ev$1b6$3@anubis.demon.co.uk>::
>>>
>>>>On 2008-07-30, Marc Wilson  wrote:
>>>>> In uk.misc,  (Sam Nelson) wrote in
>>>>>::
>>
>>
>>>>>
>>>>> He made boys sit in alphabetical order in the classroom.  He must be
>>>>> responsible for many losing any interest in music they might have had.
>>>>
>>>>You didn't go to Bedminster Down Comprehensive School, did you?
>>>
>>> Not even close.  Merchant Taylors' School (Crosby).
>>
>>I suspect, therefore, from reading this thread that teachers are (or at least,
>>were) All The Same.
>
> Certainly those of that era were more, erm, eccentric than the present
> lot.  If my teachers were still around, behaving as they did, quite a
> few of them would be in custody (apart from the one who was, and is now
> dead and much unmissed.  I must find his grave, so I can go and piss on
> it).

There are no teachers upon whose graves I wish to piss. There are, however, a
considerable number of my "fellow" pupils I would cheerfully urinate upon, no
matter if they're dead or not.


-- 
          "Be thankful that you have a life, and forsake your vain
                 and presumptuous desire for a second one."
               [email me at huge {at} huge (dot) org <dot> uk]

On 2008-07-31, Sam Nelson  wrote:
> In article , 
> watercress@spamcop.org says...
>> On Wed, 30 Jul 2008 22:38:43 +0100, Steve Firth wrote:
>> 
>> > Sam Nelson  wrote:
>> > 
>> >> I keep thinking `shit, you could've dated my sister...'.
>> > 
>> > I was the maths, physics, chemistry and biology nerd. I couldn't have
>> > dated anyone. Not even with a months supply of Rohypnol. 
>> 
>> AOL
>> 
>> Apart from Pat. But I was too shy to respond. Damn.
>
> AOL^2.  There are, I've subsequently discovered, at least three women in 
> the world that definitely didn't expect to be going home that night.  On 
> each occasion I didn't so much as notice the possibility.

AOL^3

:o(


-- 
          "Be thankful that you have a life, and forsake your vain
                 and presumptuous desire for a second one."
               [email me at huge {at} huge (dot) org <dot> uk]

On 1 Aug 2008 11:52:31 GMT, Huge wrote:

<snip>

> There are no teachers upon whose graves I wish to piss. There are, however, a
> considerable number of my "fellow" pupils I would cheerfully urinate upon, no
> matter if they're dead or not.

Ian Brockbank. I'm not a believer in violence, except in self-defence, but
he comes close to being seriously twatted if I ever meet him again. Were I
to find out that he was dying slowly and painfully from a very embarrassing
disease, I would smile.


-- 
Confusion will be my epitaph.

On Fri, 1 Aug 2008 13:12:05 +0100, Hot Badger Deluxe
 wrote:

>On 1 Aug 2008 11:52:31 GMT, Huge wrote:
>
><snip>
>
>> There are no teachers upon whose graves I wish to piss. There are, however, a
>> considerable number of my "fellow" pupils I would cheerfully urinate upon, no
>> matter if they're dead or not.
>
>Ian Brockbank. I'm not a believer in violence, except in self-defence, but
>he comes close to being seriously twatted if I ever meet him again. Were I
>to find out that he was dying slowly and painfully from a very embarrassing
>disease, I would smile.

Mr. Grocock, chemistry teacher.  If I ever meet him, I'll call him something
vulgar, and walk away.  After all, with a name like Grocock, violence would
just be adding injury to insult.
Ian Bates, fellow pupil from age 5 to 7, then bane of my life for the next
eight or nine years at various youth clubs, discos and parties.  If I ever
meet him, I'll twat him, wrestle him to the ground, call him a twat, and
walk away smiling.
-- 
JAF anarchatntlworldfullstopcom
     Sapere Aude

In article <g6utdv$49k$11@anubis.demon.co.uk>, Huge@nowhere.much.invalid 
says...
> On 2008-07-31, Marc Wilson  wrote:
> > In uk.misc,  (Huge) wrote in <g6se4c$52h$5@anubis.demon.co.uk>::
> >
> >>On 2008-07-31, Marc Wilson  wrote:
> >>> In uk.misc,  (Huge) wrote in <g6s0ev$1b6$3@anubis.demon.co.uk>::
> >>>
> >>>>On 2008-07-30, Marc Wilson  wrote:
> >>>>> In uk.misc,  (Sam Nelson) wrote in
> >>>>>::
> >>
> >>
> >>>>>
> >>>>> He made boys sit in alphabetical order in the classroom.  He must be
> >>>>> responsible for many losing any interest in music they might have had.
> >>>>
> >>>>You didn't go to Bedminster Down Comprehensive School, did you?
> >>>
> >>> Not even close.  Merchant Taylors' School (Crosby).
> >>
> >>I suspect, therefore, from reading this thread that teachers are (or at least,
> >>were) All The Same.
> >
> > Certainly those of that era were more, erm, eccentric than the present
> > lot.  If my teachers were still around, behaving as they did, quite a
> > few of them would be in custody (apart from the one who was, and is now
> > dead and much unmissed.  I must find his grave, so I can go and piss on
> > it).
> 
> There are no teachers upon whose graves I wish to piss. There are, however, a
> considerable number of my "fellow" pupils I would cheerfully urinate upon, no
> matter if they're dead or not.

I found one of my favourite teachers on Facebook this year. I was over 
the moon, and so was he. He was a fab teacher, even if he never actually 
taught me - we did stage crew/lighting together instead. I think I owe 
him email, actually.

Most of my teachers were good, many had, erm, idiosyncracies. The 
geography teacher whose false teeth didn't quite fit, who whistled when 
she said an "s". The chemistry teacher who could spend 5 mins trying to 
show that a test-tube contained O2 by putting a glowing spill in it, but 
failing because his depth perception was bad - and by the time he'd got 
the spill in, the O2 had gone.

On 2008-08-01, Hot Badger Deluxe  wrote:
> On 1 Aug 2008 11:52:31 GMT, Huge wrote:
>
><snip>
>
>> There are no teachers upon whose graves I wish to piss. There are, however, a
>> considerable number of my "fellow" pupils I would cheerfully urinate upon, no
>> matter if they're dead or not.
>
> Ian Brockbank. I'm not a believer in violence, except in self-defence, but
> he comes close to being seriously twatted if I ever meet him again. Were I
> to find out that he was dying slowly and painfully from a very embarrassing
> disease, I would smile.

One of my tormentors died in a motorcycle accident a few years ago. I was jolly
pleased.


-- 
          "Be thankful that you have a life, and forsake your vain
                 and presumptuous desire for a second one."
               [email me at huge {at} huge (dot) org <dot> uk]

on 01/08/2008, Huge supposed :
> On 2008-08-01, Hot Badger Deluxe  wrote:
>> On 1 Aug 2008 11:52:31 GMT, Huge wrote:
>> 
>> <snip>
>> 
>>> There are no teachers upon whose graves I wish to piss. There are, however, 
>>> a considerable number of my "fellow" pupils I would cheerfully urinate 
>>> upon, no matter if they're dead or not.
>> 
>> Ian Brockbank. I'm not a believer in violence, except in self-defence, but
>> he comes close to being seriously twatted if I ever meet him again. Were I
>> to find out that he was dying slowly and painfully from a very embarrassing
>> disease, I would smile.
>
> One of my tormentors died in a motorcycle accident a few years ago. I was 
> jolly pleased.

There was a bully who died in a house fire a few years back.  The 
neighbours held a party to celebrate his death and it is said the Fire 
Brigade drove around the block 4 times when they found out who's house 
it was.

-- 
Count Baldoni

Amethyst Deceiver brought next idea :
> In article <g6utdv$49k$11@anubis.demon.co.uk>, Huge@nowhere.much.invalid 
> says...
>> On 2008-07-31, Marc Wilson  wrote:
>>> In uk.misc,  (Huge) wrote in <g6se4c$52h$5@anubis.demon.co.uk>::
>>> 
>>>> On 2008-07-31, Marc Wilson  wrote:
>>>>> In uk.misc,  (Huge) wrote in <g6s0ev$1b6$3@anubis.demon.co.uk>::
>>>>> 
>>>>>> On 2008-07-30, Marc Wilson  wrote:
>>>>>>> In uk.misc,  (Sam Nelson) wrote in
>>>>>>> ::
>>>> 
>>>> 
>>>>>>> 
>>>>>>> He made boys sit in alphabetical order in the classroom.  He must be
>>>>>>> responsible for many losing any interest in music they might have had.
>>>>>> 
>>>>>> You didn't go to Bedminster Down Comprehensive School, did you?
>>>>> 
>>>>> Not even close.  Merchant Taylors' School (Crosby).
>>>> 
>>>> I suspect, therefore, from reading this thread that teachers are (or at 
>>>> least, were) All The Same.
>>> 
>>> Certainly those of that era were more, erm, eccentric than the present
>>> lot.  If my teachers were still around, behaving as they did, quite a
>>> few of them would be in custody (apart from the one who was, and is now
>>> dead and much unmissed.  I must find his grave, so I can go and piss on
>>> it).
>> 
>> There are no teachers upon whose graves I wish to piss. There are, however, 
>> a considerable number of my "fellow" pupils I would cheerfully urinate upon, 
>> no matter if they're dead or not.
>
> I found one of my favourite teachers on Facebook this year. I was over 
> the moon, and so was he. He was a fab teacher, even if he never actually 
> taught me - we did stage crew/lighting together instead. I think I owe 
> him email, actually.
>
> Most of my teachers were good, many had, erm, idiosyncracies. The 
> geography teacher whose false teeth didn't quite fit, who whistled when 
> she said an "s". The chemistry teacher who could spend 5 mins trying to 
> show that a test-tube contained O2 by putting a glowing spill in it, but 
> failing because his depth perception was bad - and by the time he'd got 
> the spill in, the O2 had gone.

We had a biology teacher who was a complete mad bastard and looked like 
Roy Wood.  He kept chickens and ducks at the school and sometimes the 
ducks would go walk-about inside, he got in the shit when to cockrals 
were in one hell of a fight.

He used to dictate to the class while walking around on top of the 
tables and work benches in the lab and he made sure he walked in the 
same spots all the times.  He was a bastard for throwing the board 
rubber and would lecture pupils for being untidy when in fact he was 
the most scruffy specimen in school.  He ended up taking a job with the 
forestry commission.

-- 
Count Baldoni

In article ,
 JAF  writes:
> On Fri, 1 Aug 2008 13:12:05 +0100, Hot Badger Deluxe
>  wrote:
> >Ian Brockbank. I'm not a believer in violence, except in self-defence, but
> >he comes close to being seriously twatted if I ever meet him again. Were I
> >to find out that he was dying slowly and painfully from a very embarrassing
> >disease, I would smile.
> 
> Mr. Grocock, chemistry teacher.  If I ever meet him, I'll call him something
> vulgar, and walk away.  After all, with a name like Grocock, violence would
> just be adding injury to insult.

Actually did meet teacher-bastard at reunion in 2003.  He was the one that
used to turn games lessons (bad enough) into dance lessons (much worse)
around Christmas.  At the reunion, he tried to persuade everyone to join in
one of the dances he used to try to teach.  I stayed in my seat, grinning.
-- 
SAm.

Huge <Huge@nowhere.much.invalid> wrote:

> One of my tormentors died in a motorcycle accident a few years ago. I was
> jolly pleased.

While I was doing my MSc, a PhD student in the lab above was about the
smarmiest, most condescending earhole I've ever known. Also pretty
careless he used to "borrow" my labspace and would leave it filthy,
including on one occasion littered with cubes of radioactive cartilage.
The fact that he had a rich daddy really didn't help either as he
swanned around in various posh cars, had a RIB on lake Windermere etc.

To add injury to insult he poached my GF at the time, although in
retrospect it was probably for the best. After graduation he and she
went to the Antipodes together. You can imagine how distraught I was to
hear that she got roaring drunk one night and drove them both back home
crashing the car on the way and leaving him brain damaged and unable to
count to five.

"Marc Wilson"  wrote in message 
news:um41945u2mm4jolavipj4t8gtit76lvbfv@4ax.com...
> In uk.misc,  (Sam Nelson) wrote in
> ::
>
>>In article <1ikv3dz.mhko101bcz9k6N%%steve%@malloc.co.uk>, %steve%
>>@malloc.co.uk says...
>>> John of Aix  wrote:
>>>
>>> > Who was your maddest teacher?
>>>
>>> The headmaster, I think on balance. But considering they were all
>>> absolutely hatstand it's difficul to pick just one.
>>
>>The previously-mentioned games teacher there was a bit of a mad bastard.
>
> Games teachers are all mad- it may even be a clause in their contracts.
> One of ours was particularly sadistic, and even the beak struggled to
> suppress a smile when the "sad" news that he'd dropped dead of a heart
> attack on his own doorstep was met with a muted cheer.
>
> Another of ours had a nasty tendency to hit people with his whistle-
> Mike Slemmen, a former England player.  He still had an astonishing turn
> of speed.
>
>>There were two music teachers that were more plain sadistic than
>>actually mad.  Does that count?
>
> My music teacher was sadly misplaced in his role- he had a genuine love
> of music, which he was totally unsuited to passing on.  He was ex-RN,
> and often wore naval battledress.  Combined with his scowl and
> impressive beard, this made him appear to be Captain Birdseye's evil
> twin.
>
> He made boys sit in alphabetical order in the classroom.  He must be
> responsible for many losing any interest in music they might have had.
> -- 

A true music teacher would have started at C.

Then C sharp.
D
E flat

etc... you get the drift.

In uk.misc,  (Huge) wrote in <g6utdv$49k$11@anubis.demon.co.uk>::

>On 2008-07-31, Marc Wilson  wrote:
>> In uk.misc,  (Huge) wrote in <g6se4c$52h$5@anubis.demon.co.uk>::
>>
>>>On 2008-07-31, Marc Wilson  wrote:
>>>> In uk.misc,  (Huge) wrote in <g6s0ev$1b6$3@anubis.demon.co.uk>::
>>>>
>>>>>On 2008-07-30, Marc Wilson  wrote:
>>>>>> In uk.misc,  (Sam Nelson) wrote in
>>>>>>::
>>>
>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>> He made boys sit in alphabetical order in the classroom.  He must be
>>>>>> responsible for many losing any interest in music they might have had.
>>>>>
>>>>>You didn't go to Bedminster Down Comprehensive School, did you?
>>>>
>>>> Not even close.  Merchant Taylors' School (Crosby).
>>>
>>>I suspect, therefore, from reading this thread that teachers are (or at least,
>>>were) All The Same.
>>
>> Certainly those of that era were more, erm, eccentric than the present
>> lot.  If my teachers were still around, behaving as they did, quite a
>> few of them would be in custody (apart from the one who was, and is now
>> dead and much unmissed.  I must find his grave, so I can go and piss on
>> it).
>
>There are no teachers upon whose graves I wish to piss. There are, however, a
>considerable number of my "fellow" pupils I would cheerfully urinate upon, no
>matter if they're dead or not.

There's only the one teacher- he was nasty, sarcastic, spiteful and (as
later discovered) altogether too fond of small boys.  In retrospect,
putting him in charge of the boarders was not the best idea.
-- 
Marc

Good literature is about Love and War. Junk fiction is about Sex and Violence. (Ofer Inbar)

In article , E-0C001302-
3141-E@cleopatra.co.uk says...
> There's only the one teacher- he was nasty, sarcastic, spiteful and (as
> later discovered) altogether too fond of small boys.  In retrospect,
> putting him in charge of the boarders was not the best idea.

He probably volunteered for it.  They're clever, these pediofiles.
-- 
SAm.

In uk.misc,  (Ian D Henden) wrote in
<tiKkk.9096$hR4.7374@newsfe24.ams2>::

>
>"Marc Wilson"  wrote in message 
>news:um41945u2mm4jolavipj4t8gtit76lvbfv@4ax.com...
>> In uk.misc,  (Sam Nelson) wrote in
>> ::
>>
>>>In article <1ikv3dz.mhko101bcz9k6N%%steve%@malloc.co.uk>, %steve%
>>>@malloc.co.uk says...
>>>> John of Aix  wrote:
>>>>
>>>> > Who was your maddest teacher?
>>>>
>>>> The headmaster, I think on balance. But considering they were all
>>>> absolutely hatstand it's difficul to pick just one.
>>>
>>>The previously-mentioned games teacher there was a bit of a mad bastard.
>>
>> Games teachers are all mad- it may even be a clause in their contracts.
>> One of ours was particularly sadistic, and even the beak struggled to
>> suppress a smile when the "sad" news that he'd dropped dead of a heart
>> attack on his own doorstep was met with a muted cheer.
>>
>> Another of ours had a nasty tendency to hit people with his whistle-
>> Mike Slemmen, a former England player.  He still had an astonishing turn
>> of speed.
>>
>>>There were two music teachers that were more plain sadistic than
>>>actually mad.  Does that count?
>>
>> My music teacher was sadly misplaced in his role- he had a genuine love
>> of music, which he was totally unsuited to passing on.  He was ex-RN,
>> and often wore naval battledress.  Combined with his scowl and
>> impressive beard, this made him appear to be Captain Birdseye's evil
>> twin.
>>
>> He made boys sit in alphabetical order in the classroom.  He must be
>> responsible for many losing any interest in music they might have had.
>> -- 
>
>A true music teacher would have started at C.
>
>Then C sharp.
>D
>E flat

There was a D Sharp in my class.
-- 
Marc

"There is only one boss, the customer. And he can fire everybody in
the company from the chairman on down, simply by spending his money
somewhere else." -- Sam Walton

In uk.misc,  (Sam Nelson) wrote in
::

>In article , E-0C001302-
>3141-E@cleopatra.co.uk says...
>> There's only the one teacher- he was nasty, sarcastic, spiteful and (as
>> later discovered) altogether too fond of small boys.  In retrospect,
>> putting him in charge of the boarders was not the best idea.
>
>He probably volunteered for it.  

Doubtless.

>They're clever, these pediofiles.

There *were* those who knew/guessed.

In the school house, his pride and joy was his garden, especially his
lawn.  One morning, he threw open his curtains to be met with the words:
"Fuck off, Crowther" in 6' letters across the lawn, presumably in
weedkiller.
-- 
Marc

"There is only one boss, the customer. And he can fire everybody in
the company from the chairman on down, simply by spending his money
somewhere else." -- Sam Walton

In article , E-0C001302-
3141-E@cleopatra.co.uk says...
> In the school house, his pride and joy was his garden, especially his
> lawn.  One morning, he threw open his curtains to be met with the words:
> "Fuck off, Crowther" in 6' letters across the lawn, presumably in
> weedkiller.

What was his name?
-- 
SAm.

"Marc Wilson"  wrote

> In the school house, his pride and joy was his garden, especially his
> lawn.  One morning, he threw open his curtains to be met with the words:
> "Fuck off, Crowther" in 6' letters across the lawn, presumably in
> weedkiller.

Rob Shepherd painted "BAZ[1] BUMS BOYS" accross the outside of the swimming 
pool in foot high letters.

Took ages to wash off.

[1] Head: 'Baz' Cooper.

Nine Cuts  wrote:

> "Marc Wilson"  wrote
> 
> > In the school house, his pride and joy was his garden, especially his
> > lawn.  One morning, he threw open his curtains to be met with the words:
> > "Fuck off, Crowther" in 6' letters across the lawn, presumably in
> > weedkiller.
> 
> Rob Shepherd painted "BAZ[1] BUMS BOYS" accross the outside of the swimming
> pool in foot high letters.

I'm not sure if Sam would have been there at the time, but one of my
friends gave the sincerest form of criticism of the mad sports teacher
by burning down the Gym.