When Wogan read out the bit about the donkey I was sure they were lining 
up a brown nose/ass joke, but it never came. Subtly getting it in 
without saying it out loud, maybe?
-- 
Snob? Were I a snob, I wouldn't be talking to you.

On Tue, 24 Jun 2008 16:31:25 +0100, Dave Budd
 wrote:

>When Wogan read out the bit about the donkey I was sure they were lining 
>up a brown nose/ass joke, but it never came. Subtly getting it in 
>without saying it out loud, maybe?

J&J are the names of new moston's pcsos.
-- 
http://www.freedeliveryuk.co.uk
http://www.holidayunder100.co.uk

In message , Dave Budd 
 writes
>When Wogan read out the bit about the donkey I was sure they were lining
>up a brown nose/ass joke

<Woosh>

-- 
bof at bof dot me dot uk

Dave Budd  wrote:

> When Wogan read out the bit about the donkey I was sure they were lining
> up a brown nose/ass joke, but it never came. Subtly getting it in 
> without saying it out loud, maybe?

Would understanding any of the above depend upon listening to Radio
OldFarts? My radio only has two buttons, [3] and [4]. That's all any of
them need.

On Wed, 25 Jun 2008 12:11:33 +0100, Steve Firth wrote:

> Dave Budd  wrote:
> 
>> When Wogan read out the bit about the donkey I was sure they were lining
>> up a brown nose/ass joke, but it never came. Subtly getting it in 
>> without saying it out loud, maybe?
> 
> Would understanding any of the above depend upon listening to Radio
> OldFarts? My radio only has two buttons, [3] and [4]. That's all any of
> them need.

[7] is also required, although <state the bleedin' obvious here>.


-- 
Reality is a narrow little house which becomes a
prison to those who can't get out of it.

Hot Badger Deluxe  wrote:

> On Wed, 25 Jun 2008 12:11:33 +0100, Steve Firth wrote:
> 
> > Dave Budd  wrote:
> > 
> >> When Wogan read out the bit about the donkey I was sure they were lining
> >> up a brown nose/ass joke, but it never came. Subtly getting it in 
> >> without saying it out loud, maybe?
> > 
> > Would understanding any of the above depend upon listening to Radio
> > OldFarts? My radio only has two buttons, [3] and [4]. That's all any of
> > them need.
> 
> [7] is also required, although <state the bleedin' obvious here>.

If the bleedin' obvious is that [7] is just [4] with a long delay line,
then consider it inserted.

On Wed, 25 Jun 2008 12:38:50 +0100, Steve Firth wrote:

> Hot Badger Deluxe  wrote:
> 
>> On Wed, 25 Jun 2008 12:11:33 +0100, Steve Firth wrote:
>> 
>>> Dave Budd  wrote:
>>> 
>>>> When Wogan read out the bit about the donkey I was sure they were lining
>>>> up a brown nose/ass joke, but it never came. Subtly getting it in 
>>>> without saying it out loud, maybe?
>>> 
>>> Would understanding any of the above depend upon listening to Radio
>>> OldFarts? My radio only has two buttons, [3] and [4]. That's all any of
>>> them need.
>> 
>> [7] is also required, although <state the bleedin' obvious here>.
> 
> If the bleedin' obvious is that [7] is just [4] with a long delay line,
> then consider it inserted.

[7] = [4] + [3]

Core Coren's on today - huzzah!


-- 
You don't make the cow fatter by weighing it more often.

Steve Firth wrote:
> Hot Badger Deluxe  wrote:

>>> Would understanding any of the above depend upon listening to Radio
>>> OldFarts? My radio only has two buttons, [3] and [4]. That's all any of
>>> them need.
>> [7] is also required, although <state the bleedin' obvious here>.
> 
> If the bleedin' obvious is that [7] is just [4] with a long delay line,
> then consider it inserted.

IAWTP, except that [7] isn't radio, it's telly without pictures.

On Wed, 25 Jun 2008 12:20:07 +0100, Hot Badger Deluxe wrote:

> On Wed, 25 Jun 2008 12:11:33 +0100, Steve Firth wrote:
> 
>> Would understanding any of the above depend upon listening to Radio
>> OldFarts? My radio only has two buttons, [3] and [4]. That's all any of
>> them need.
> 
> [7] is also required, although <state the bleedin' obvious here>.

And [WS] so's you can listen to Charlie Gillett's show.

-- 
One way ticket from Mornington Crescent to Tannhauser Gate please.

%steve%@malloc.co.uk (Steve Firth) writes:

> Dave Budd  wrote:
>
>> When Wogan read out the bit about the donkey I was sure they were
>> lining up a brown nose/ass joke, but it never came. Subtly getting
>> it in without saying it out loud, maybe?
>
> Would understanding any of the above depend upon listening to Radio
> OldFarts? My radio only has two buttons, [3] and [4]. That's all any
> of them need.

No, man!  Planet Rock on DAB is ace.

Chris
-- 
Chris Eilbeck

In message <dIu8k.15642$E41.3202@text.news.virginmedia.com>, Fevric J 
Glandules <fevric@invalid.invalid> writes
>On Wed, 25 Jun 2008 12:20:07 +0100, Hot Badger Deluxe wrote:
>
>> On Wed, 25 Jun 2008 12:11:33 +0100, Steve Firth wrote:
>>
>>> Would understanding any of the above depend upon listening to Radio
>>> OldFarts? My radio only has two buttons, [3] and [4]. That's all any of
>>> them need.
>>
>> [7] is also required, although <state the bleedin' obvious here>.
>
>And [WS] so's you can listen to Charlie Gillett's show.

WS?? Wossaten? I used to listen to CG years back, on Crapitall Radio and 
there was always a stack of good stuff. Will start again if he's 
nationally available.

-- 
bof at bof dot me dot uk

And bof  was like:

> In message <dIu8k.15642$E41.3202@text.news.virginmedia.com>, Fevric J
> Glandules <fevric@invalid.invalid> writes
>>On Wed, 25 Jun 2008 12:20:07 +0100, Hot Badger Deluxe wrote:
>>
>>> On Wed, 25 Jun 2008 12:11:33 +0100, Steve Firth wrote:
>>>
>>>> Would understanding any of the above depend upon listening to Radio
>>>> OldFarts? My radio only has two buttons, [3] and [4]. That's all any of
>>>> them need.
>>>
>>> [7] is also required, although <state the bleedin' obvious here>.
>>
>>And [WS] so's you can listen to Charlie Gillett's show.
>
> WS?? Wossaten? I used to listen to CG years back, on Crapitall Radio
> and there was always a stack of good stuff. Will start again if he's
> nationally available.

World Service. I haven't listened to Gillett for ages owing to a
change of routine, but used to hear his World Service programme a lot,
and remember him as excellent, full of people whose names, never mind
music, you wouldn't hear anywhere else.

-- 
| Patrick Hardlentil -  patrick@dogslobber.demon.co.uk
| Vam s pikonchikom?

On Wed, 25 Jun 2008 19:38:17 +0100, Patrick Hardlentil wrote:

> World Service. I haven't listened to Gillett for ages owing to a
> change of routine, but used to hear his World Service programme a lot,
> and remember him as excellent, full of people whose names, never mind
> music, you wouldn't hear anywhere else.

AOL.  And always first-rate performances.

-- 
One way ticket from Mornington Crescent to Tannhauser Gate please.

Patrick Hardlentil 
wrote:

> World Service.

Oh you mean late night [4].

Chris Eilbeck  wrote:

> %steve%@malloc.co.uk (Steve Firth) writes:
> 
> > Dave Budd  wrote:
> >
> >> When Wogan read out the bit about the donkey I was sure they were
> >> lining up a brown nose/ass joke, but it never came. Subtly getting
> >> it in without saying it out loud, maybe?
> >
> > Would understanding any of the above depend upon listening to Radio
> > OldFarts? My radio only has two buttons, [3] and [4]. That's all any
> > of them need.
> 
> No, man!  Planet Rock on DAB is ace.

Dab? Can I get better quality with a larger flatfish?

In message <1ij40sr.yycyck1oz1kaoN%%steve%@malloc.co.uk>, Steve Firth 
<%steve%@malloc.co.uk> writes
>Chris Eilbeck  wrote:

>> No, man!  Planet Rock on DAB is ace.
>
>Dab? Can I get better quality with a larger flatfish?

Ideal for sole.                       Jim Follett

JF  wrote:

> >> No, man!  Planet Rock on DAB is ace.
> >
> >Dab? Can I get better quality with a larger flatfish?
> 
> Ideal for sole.  

We'll skate over that.

-- 
^Ï^                            Sn!pe  

   <:>----------[  I'll wash it as fast as I want  ]----------<:>

On 2008-06-25, Steve Firth <%steve%@malloc.co.uk> wrote:
> Dave Budd  wrote:
>
>> When Wogan read out the bit about the donkey I was sure they were lining
>> up a brown nose/ass joke, but it never came. Subtly getting it in 
>> without saying it out loud, maybe?
>
> Would understanding any of the above depend upon listening to Radio
> OldFarts? My radio only has two buttons, [3] 

If you mean BBC Radio 3, why would anyone want to listen to someone kicking a
string quartet down a flight of stairs?

I suppose you could always listen to the same 5% of a work being played over and
over again on Classic FM.

-- 
          "Be thankful that you have a life, and forsake your vain
                 and presumptuous desire for a second one."
               [email me at huge {at} huge (dot) org <dot> uk]

On Thu, 26 Jun 2008 08:17:08 +0100, Sn!pe wrote:

> JF  wrote:
> 
>>>> No, man!  Planet Rock on DAB is ace.
>>>
>>>Dab? Can I get better quality with a larger flatfish?
>> 
>> Ideal for sole.  
> 
> We'll skate over that.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flatfish


-- 
Entomology is our friend

In message <g3uatr$81m$1@anubis.demon.co.uk>, Huge 
<Huge@nowhere.much.invalid> writes

>If you mean BBC Radio 3, why would anyone want to listen to someone kicking a
>string quartet down a flight of stairs?

On a theme cruise I saw a mini-skirted all girl string quartet who were 
sensational. I'd never paid much attention to string quartets until I 
saw them. I listened bug-eared. I think the girls called themselves La 
Scala. Amazing.

-- 
James Follett

"JF"  wrote

> On a theme cruise I saw a mini-skirted all girl string quartet who were 
> sensational. I'd never paid much attention to string quartets until I saw 
> them. I listened bug-eared. I think the girls called themselves La Scala. 
> Amazing.

Now then, Jim Lad, I think you just made that up.

The string quartet La Scala is comprised of two women and two men, none of 
whom I can imagine would wear a mini skirt.

I think that you are getting confused with the group Scala, which you may 
have seen recently in your Daly Male comic or on the television.

Don't be embarrassed. This kind of confusion is quite common for somebody of 
your age and is often a side effect of the medication. Just try and make 
sure that you are wearing your own trousers when people come to visit. The 
nurses will be very happy to help you with this.

Huge <Huge@nowhere.much.invalid> wrote:

> If you mean BBC Radio 3, why would anyone want to listen to someone
> kicking a string quartet down a flight of stairs?

Sometimes they push entire orchestras downstairs and strangle sopranos
with their own corsets.

> I suppose you could always listen to the same 5% of a work being played
> over and over again on Classic FM.

No thanks, for some reason replays of over-compressed cheap recordings
on budget labels don't appeal to me.

On Thu, 26 Jun 2008 11:11:36 +0100, Number Two wrote:

> "JF"  wrote
> 
>> On a theme cruise I saw a mini-skirted all girl string quartet who were 
>> sensational. I'd never paid much attention to string quartets until I saw 
>> them. I listened bug-eared. I think the girls called themselves La Scala. 
>> Amazing.
> 
> Now then, Jim Lad, I think you just made that up.

No, he really did think that they called themselves La Scala.

It's this lot, I believe:
http://www.escalamusic.com/


-- 
One way ticket from Mornington Crescent to Tannhauser Gate please.

"Fevric J Glandules" <fevric@invalid.invalid> wrote in message

>> "JF"  wrote
>>
>>> On a theme cruise I saw a mini-skirted all girl string quartet who were
>>> sensational. I'd never paid much attention to string quartets until I 
>>> saw
>>> them. I listened bug-eared. I think the girls called themselves La 
>>> Scala.
>>> Amazing.
>>
>> Now then, Jim Lad, I think you just made that up.
>
> No, he really did think that they called themselves La Scala.
>
> It's this lot, I believe:
> http://www.escalamusic.com/

I don't doubt it. I merely question the elaborate 'Theme Cruise' story.

On Thu, 26 Jun 2008 11:41:54 +0100, Number Two wrote:

> I don't doubt it. I merely question the elaborate 'Theme Cruise' story.

Why?  I know a lot of what he posts is only on vague nodding terms
with reality, but in this case it seems quite plausible.

-- 
One way ticket from Mornington Crescent to Tannhauser Gate please.

On Thu, 26 Jun 2008 11:41:54 +0100, Number Two wrote:

<snip>

> I don't doubt it. I merely question the elaborate 'Theme Cruise' story.

There was a pub in the shopping centre in Lewisham (Pause here for the
sheer horror of that thought). It was called (IIRC) Spotlights, and the bar
staff had T-shirts with the name of the pub, and the slogan "the theme pub"
on them. I eventually had to ask them what the theme was, and they said
that the idea had been dropped by management, but by that time the T-shirts
had already been printed. I suppose that the theme of "shite pub in
Lewisham shopping centre, largely filled with old ladies supping Mackeson,
and the clinically unemployed" hadn't occurred to them.

PS: Is there another drink that one can sup, outside of a stout of some
kind?


-- 
There's no such thing as a free willy.

Fevric J Glandules wrote:
> On Thu, 26 Jun 2008 11:11:36 +0100, Number Two wrote:
> 
>> "JF"  wrote
>>
>>> On a theme cruise I saw a mini-skirted all girl string quartet who were 
>>> sensational. I'd never paid much attention to string quartets until I saw 
>>> them. I listened bug-eared. I think the girls called themselves La Scala. 
>>> Amazing.
>> Now then, Jim Lad, I think you just made that up.
> 
> No, he really did think that they called themselves La Scala.
> 
> It's this lot, I believe:
> http://www.escalamusic.com/

"Victoria, Izzy, Chantal and Tasya" on a "theme cruise". By god, but 
he's a dirty old man.

On Thu, 26 Jun 2008 11:54:32 +0100, Willy Eckerslyke wrote:

<snip>

> By god, but he's a dirty old man.

You say that like it's a bad thing.


-- 
It is a curious thing that every creed promises a paradise which
will be absolutely uninhabitable for anyone of civilised taste.

"Fevric J Glandules" <fevric@invalid.invalid> wrote

>> I don't doubt it. I merely question the elaborate 'Theme Cruise' story.
>
> Why?  I know a lot of what he posts is only on vague nodding terms
> with reality, but in this case it seems quite plausible.

Fine.

JF? Are you telling fibs again?

And "Number Two"  was like:

> "Fevric J Glandules" <fevric@invalid.invalid> wrote
>
>>> I don't doubt it. I merely question the elaborate 'Theme Cruise' story.
>>
>> Why?  I know a lot of what he posts is only on vague nodding terms
>> with reality, but in this case it seems quite plausible.
>
> Fine.
>
> JF? Are you telling fibs again? 
                      ^^^^

YSTHM "Tavvie Taps".

-- 
| Patrick Hardlentil -  patrick@dogslobber.demon.co.uk
| Like death in a top hat

And Hot Badger Deluxe  was like:

> PS: Is there another drink that one can sup, outside of a stout of
> some kind?

The only one I can think of that *can't* be supped is Horlicks and
Dubonnet.

-- 
| Patrick Hardlentil -  patrick@dogslobber.demon.co.uk
| Vam s pikonchikom?

On Thu, 26 Jun 2008 12:15:31 +0100, Patrick Hardlentil wrote:

> Dubonnet

I have absolutely no idea how to reply to that... so many old memories...
the cupboard in the sideboard in which the booze was stored always smelled
slightly of Dubonnet... Gin and Dubonnet... that was an early tipple...
Have you any idea of the cavalcade of memories that you have unleashed? I
need a drink...


-- 
Shouldn't you be cataloguing gypsy flesh?

Hot Badger Deluxe  wrote:

> Entomology is our friend

Bug off.

-- 
^Ï^                            Sn!pe  

   <:>----------[  I'll wash it as fast as I want  ]----------<:>

In message <48636b59$0$2484$da0feed9@news.zen.co.uk>, Number Two 
 writes
>
>"JF"  wrote
>
>> On a theme cruise I saw a mini-skirted all girl string quartet who were
>> sensational.

>Don't be embarrassed. This kind of confusion is quite common for somebody of
>your age and is often a side effect of the medication. Just try and make
>sure that you are wearing your own trousers when people come to visit. The
>nurses will be very happy to help you with this.

Thanks for the chuckle. But not as common as presumptive invalidation. 
Over 2000 years since Socrates dismissed it as a weak tool and yet it's 
still incredibly popular.

-- 
James Follett

Number Two  wrote:

> 
> JF? Are you telling fibs again? 

Thre's some compelte arse in uk.transprot claiming to be JF posting
under an alias. If I were JF I'd sue the fucker since he's making JF
look like a genius. Mind you, he's making Duhg look like one of Olaf
Stapledon's second men, and the average poster look like one of
Stapledon's Big Giant Heads. So JF shouldn't preen himeself on looking
cleverer than someone with the IQ of a slug.

"JF"  wrote

> Thanks for the chuckle. But not as common as presumptive invalidation. 
> Over 2000 years since Socrates dismissed it as a weak tool and yet it's 
> still incredibly popular.

Bugger Socrates, it works for me.

On Thu, 26 Jun 2008 13:19:35 +0100, Steve Firth wrote:

> Olaf Stapledon

I just couldn't get into those books.  I never officially stopped
reading first and last (?) but it's a long time since I turned 
a page.

-- 
One way ticket from Mornington Crescent to Tannhauser Gate please.

JF  writes:

> In message <48636b59$0$2484$da0feed9@news.zen.co.uk>, Number Two
>  writes
>>
>>"JF"  wrote
>>
>>> On a theme cruise I saw a mini-skirted all girl string quartet who were
>>> sensational.
>
>>Don't be embarrassed. This kind of confusion is quite common for somebody of
>>your age and is often a side effect of the medication. Just try and make
>>sure that you are wearing your own trousers when people come to visit. The
>>nurses will be very happy to help you with this.
>
> Thanks for the chuckle. But not as common as presumptive
> invalidation. Over 2000 years since Socrates dismissed it as a weak
> tool and yet it's still incredibly popular.

Goodness, Number Two; I do believe you've deployed what Follett likes to
call a "Tavvie Tap" - on him. Carry on, that man!

-- 
wicked, naughty, bad, bad, bad!

In message <7kK8k.16099$E41.1239@text.news.virginmedia.com>, Fevric J 
Glandules <fevric@invalid.invalid> writes
>On Thu, 26 Jun 2008 11:11:36 +0100, Number Two wrote:
>
>> "JF"  wrote
>>
>>> On a theme cruise I saw a mini-skirted all girl string quartet who were
>>> sensational. I'd never paid much attention to string quartets until I saw
>>> them. I listened bug-eared. I think the girls called themselves La Scala.
>>> Amazing.
>>
>> Now then, Jim Lad, I think you just made that up.
>
>No, he really did think that they called themselves La Scala.
>
>It's this lot, I believe:
>http://www.escalamusic.com/

That must be them! Many thanks. In those days they were brunettes and 
were giving away a mini CD or DVD (74mm ?) that featured them playing 
under the cliff at Dover or Peacehaven or somewhere similar.

-- 
James Follett

And Hot Badger Deluxe  was like:

> On Thu, 26 Jun 2008 12:15:31 +0100, Patrick Hardlentil wrote:
>
>> Dubonnet
>
> I have absolutely no idea how to reply to that... so many old
> memories...  the cupboard in the sideboard in which the booze was
> stored always smelled slightly of Dubonnet... Gin and
> Dubonnet... that was an early tipple...  Have you any idea of the
> cavalcade of memories that you have unleashed? I need a drink...

[ ] Sorry
[ ] You're welcome

Please tick one.

You've got me going now, mind. Wood polish. Socks. Cricket pads. Wasps.
Madeleine cake. Stilton. Haylofts. Bees. When will it end?

-- 
| Patrick Hardlentil -  patrick@dogslobber.demon.co.uk
| Our brother Tom has just got the piles

On Thu, 26 Jun 2008 15:58:12 +0100, Patrick Hardlentil wrote:

>> I have absolutely no idea how to reply to that... so many old
>> memories...  the cupboard in the sideboard in which the booze was
>> stored always smelled slightly of Dubonnet... Gin and
>> Dubonnet... that was an early tipple...  Have you any idea of the
>> cavalcade of memories that you have unleashed? I need a drink...
> 
> [ ] Sorry
> [tick] You're welcome
> 
> Please tick one.
> 
> You've got me going now, mind. Wood polish. Socks. Cricket pads. Wasps.
> Madeleine cake. Stilton. Haylofts. Bees. When will it end?

Watching the Moon landing on a neighbour's black and white TV. Banana
Custard. Home made bakewell tart. Proper fried chips. Ah, the halcyon days
of yore.

Must read "À la recherche du temps perdu" some time.


-- 
Do the bathysphere

And Hot Badger Deluxe  was like:

> On Thu, 26 Jun 2008 15:58:12 +0100, Patrick Hardlentil wrote:
>> 
>> [ ] Sorry
>> [tick] You're welcome

That's a relief.

>> You've got me going now, mind. Wood polish. Socks. Cricket pads. Wasps.
>> Madeleine cake. Stilton. Haylofts. Bees. When will it end?
>
> Watching the Moon landing on a neighbour's black and white
> TV. Banana Custard. Home made bakewell tart. Proper fried chips. Ah,
> the halcyon days of yore.
>
> Must read "À la recherche du temps perdu" some time.

Yes, M3_2. But just dropping madeleine cake into the conversation now
and then takes so much less effort.

-- 
| Patrick Hardlentil -  patrick@dogslobber.demon.co.uk
| Do not touch happy fun gnooby

On Thu, 26 Jun 2008 16:42:35 +0100, Patrick Hardlentil wrote:

<snip>

> But just dropping madeleine cake into the conversation now
> and then takes so much less effort.

Is there an actress called Madeleine Cake - and if not, why not?

... remembers ludicrous conversation on a bus with a friend - someone got
on the bus with an object that we decided was a Leatherette baguette case
(with matching butter pouch). Probably purchased from Reader's Digest. The
German guy accompanying us looked very confused.


-- 
Do not seek to follow in the footsteps of the men of old;
seek what they sought.

"JF"  wrote

>>http://www.escalamusic.com/
>
> That must be them! Many thanks. In those days they were brunettes and were 
> giving away a mini CD or DVD (74mm ?) that featured them playing under the 
> cliff at Dover or Peacehaven or somewhere similar.

<'Kin Roared!>

Google Images are *so* useful.

You're still a lying bastard!

%steve%@malloc.co.uk (Steve Firth) writes:

> Chris Eilbeck  wrote:
>
>> %steve%@malloc.co.uk (Steve Firth) writes:
>> 
>> > Dave Budd  wrote:
>> >
>> >> When Wogan read out the bit about the donkey I was sure they were
>> >> lining up a brown nose/ass joke, but it never came. Subtly getting
>> >> it in without saying it out loud, maybe?
>> >
>> > Would understanding any of the above depend upon listening to Radio
>> > OldFarts? My radio only has two buttons, [3] and [4]. That's all any
>> > of them need.
>> 
>> No, man!  Planet Rock on DAB is ace.
>
> Dab? Can I get better quality with a larger flatfish?

Stop it!  You're making me roach.

Chris
-- 
Chris Eilbeck

"JF"  wrote

>>> On a theme cruise I saw a mini-skirted all girl string quartet who were
>>> sensational.
>
>>Don't be embarrassed. This kind of confusion is quite common for somebody 
>>of
>>your age and is often a side effect of the medication. Just try and make
>>sure that you are wearing your own trousers when people come to visit. The
>>nurses will be very happy to help you with this.
>
> Thanks for the chuckle. But not as common as presumptive invalidation. 
> Over 2000 years since Socrates dismissed it as a weak tool and yet it's 
> still incredibly popular.

OK, JF!

I've just emailed their manager to find out if they have any experience with 
cruise liners (do they have family committments, etc.) so you have until the 
reply to put your hand up and admit that you live in a fantasy land, worthy 
of a top class fictional author.

Ooooh! Pressure!

On Thu, 26 Jun 2008 17:57:57 +0100, Chris Eilbeck wrote:

> %steve%@malloc.co.uk (Steve Firth) writes:
> 
>> Chris Eilbeck  wrote:
>>
>>> %steve%@malloc.co.uk (Steve Firth) writes:
>>> 
>>> > Dave Budd  wrote:
>>> >
>>> >> When Wogan read out the bit about the donkey I was sure they were
>>> >> lining up a brown nose/ass joke, but it never came. Subtly getting
>>> >> it in without saying it out loud, maybe?
>>> >
>>> > Would understanding any of the above depend upon listening to Radio
>>> > OldFarts? My radio only has two buttons, [3] and [4]. That's all any
>>> > of them need.
>>> 
>>> No, man!  Planet Rock on DAB is ace.
>>
>> Dab? Can I get better quality with a larger flatfish?
> 
> Stop it!  You're making me roach.

I think that I'm about to be eel...


-- 
Most of the trouble in this world has been caused
by folks who can't mind their own business.

In message <4863cb08$0$26086$db0fefd9@news.zen.co.uk>, Number Two 
 writes
>
>"JF"  wrote
>
>>>> On a theme cruise I saw a mini-skirted all girl string quartet who were
>>>> sensational.
>>
>>>Don't be embarrassed. This kind of confusion is quite common for somebody
>>>of
>>>your age and is often a side effect of the medication. Just try and make
>>>sure that you are wearing your own trousers when people come to visit. The
>>>nurses will be very happy to help you with this.
>>
>> Thanks for the chuckle. But not as common as presumptive invalidation.
>> Over 2000 years since Socrates dismissed it as a weak tool and yet it's
>> still incredibly popular.
>
>OK, JF!
>
>I've just emailed their manager to find out if they have any experience with
>cruise liners (do they have family committments, etc.) so you have until the
>reply to put your hand up and admit that you live in a fantasy land, worthy
>of a top class fictional author.

Oh dear. The flaktoids are coming thick and fast. I've already said that 
I'm not one hundred per cent certain of their name.

-- 
James Follett (novelist, playwright and broadcaster)
I can't be bothered to look up Usenet factoids to appease those dull elves
tormented by the hobgoblins of hairs in the brushstrokes of my glorious
canvases. If I err, very well -- I err.

In message <4863c3e6$0$26082$db0fefd9@news.zen.co.uk>, Number Two 
 writes
>
>"JF"  wrote
>
>>>http://www.escalamusic.com/
>>
>> That must be them! Many thanks. In those days they were brunettes and were
>> giving away a mini CD or DVD (74mm ?) that featured them playing under the
>> cliff at Dover or Peacehaven or somewhere similar.
>
><'Kin Roared!>
>
>Google Images are *so* useful.
>
>You're still a lying bastard!

If you say so, Mr Dead Mangled Pigeon.

By the way, the bastard bit in your strange flaktoid is correct. I was 
born out of wedlock and my 1939 birth certificate labelled me as a 
bastard. I tried to obtain a copy with the intention of having it blown 
up and mounted to confirm to the world what many have long-suspected 
anyway. To my dismay the correct legal term bastard has been 
discontinued. The birth certificate I do have on the wall has been 
doctored.

-- 
James Follett (novelist, playwright and broadcaster)
I can't be bothered to look up Usenet factoids to appease those dull elves
tormented by the hobgoblins of hairs in the brushstrokes of my glorious
canvases. If I err, very well -- I err.

"JF"  wrote

>>>>> On a theme cruise I saw a mini-skirted all girl string quartet who 
>>>>> were
>>>>> sensational.

>>I've just emailed their manager to find out if they have any experience 
>>with
>>cruise liners

> Oh dear. The flaktoids are coming thick and fast. I've already said that 
> I'm not one hundred per cent certain of their name.

I'm not one hundred percent certain that you saw them on a cruise ship.

I'm pretty certain that you have no balls, however.

"JF"  wrote

>>You're still a lying bastard!
>
> If you say so, Mr Dead Mangled Pigeon.
>
> By the way, the bastard bit in your strange flaktoid is correct.

So is the 'lying', fuckwit.

If you had two brains then one would be lonely.

On Thu, 26 Jun 2008 18:55:41 +0100, JF  wrote:

>my 1939 birth certificate labelled me as a 
>bastard. 

Highly dubious.
If the paternity was/is unknown, the column headed 'Father's Name' is/was
left blank, or a dash (-) inserted. 
-- 
JAF anarchatntlworldfullstopcom
http://petitions.pm.gov.uk/monarchycost/

On Thu, 26 Jun 2008 19:32:48 +0100, JAF wrote:

> On Thu, 26 Jun 2008 18:55:41 +0100, JF  wrote:
> 
>>my 1939 birth certificate labelled me as a 
>>bastard. 
> 
> Highly dubious.
> If the paternity was/is unknown, the column headed 'Father's Name' is/was
> left blank, or a dash (-) inserted.

Perhaps the registrar was particularly prescient.

For while I found him quite amusing, that idea is over.


-- 
Concrete is heavy; iron is hard - but the grass will prevail.

Fevric J Glandules <fevric@invalid.invalid> wrote:

> On Thu, 26 Jun 2008 13:19:35 +0100, Steve Firth wrote:
> 
> > Olaf Stapledon
> 
> I just couldn't get into those books.  I never officially stopped
> reading first and last (?) but it's a long time since I turned 
> a page.

I read F&L men cover to cover because several critics raved about it.
Having done so (in my teens), I still can't see what the fuss was about.
The writing wasn't terribly good and the plot non-existent.

Hot Badger Deluxe  wrote:

> On Thu, 26 Jun 2008 17:57:57 +0100, Chris Eilbeck wrote:
> 
> > %steve%@malloc.co.uk (Steve Firth) writes:
> > 
> >> Chris Eilbeck  wrote:
> >>
> >>> %steve%@malloc.co.uk (Steve Firth) writes:
> >>> 
> >>> > Dave Budd  wrote:
> >>> >
> >>> >> When Wogan read out the bit about the donkey I was sure they were
> >>> >> lining up a brown nose/ass joke, but it never came. Subtly getting
> >>> >> it in without saying it out loud, maybe?
> >>> >
> >>> > Would understanding any of the above depend upon listening to Radio
> >>> > OldFarts? My radio only has two buttons, [3] and [4]. That's all any
> >>> > of them need.
> >>> 
> >>> No, man!  Planet Rock on DAB is ace.
> >>
> >> Dab? Can I get better quality with a larger flatfish?
> > 
> > Stop it!  You're making me roach.
> 
> I think that I'm about to be eel...

Perch yourself over here and don't zander on the carpet.

JF  wrote:

> I've already said that m not one hundred per cent certain of my name.

The nurse will be around later to ask you who the Prime Minister is. But
no pig, remember, no pig.

Hot Badger Deluxe  wrote:

> Watching the Moon landing on a neighbour's black and white TV. Banana
> Custard. Home made bakewell tart. Proper fried chips. Ah, the halcyon days
> of yore.

Small jumpers, boys for goal posts, isn't it? Marvellous!

Dave Budd set the following eddies spiralling through the space-time
continuum:

> When Wogan read out the bit about the donkey I was sure they were lining
> up a brown nose/ass joke, but it never came. Subtly getting it in
> without saying it out loud, maybe?

And the J&J connection?
-- 
ξ:) Proud to be curly

Interchange the alphabetic letter groups to reply

Patrick Hardlentil 
wrote:

> | Vam s pikonchikom?

Scroogling that just pulls up your posts, Patrick; 
are you going to enlighten me?

-- 
^Ï^                            Sn!pe  

   <:>----------[  I'll wash it as fast as I want  ]----------<:>

Hot Badger Deluxe  wrote:

> On Thu, 26 Jun 2008 11:54:32 +0100, Willy Eckerslyke wrote:
> 
> <snip>
> 
> > By god, but he's a dirty old man.
> 
> You say that like it's a bad thing.

[looks round in alarm] Who are you talking about?

-- 
^Ï^                            Sn!pe  

   <:>----------[  I'll wash it as fast as I want  ]----------<:>

On Thu, 26 Jun 2008 19:32:48 +0100, JAF 
wrote the following to uk.misc:

> On Thu, 26 Jun 2008 18:55:41 +0100, JF  wrote:
>
>>my 1939 birth certificate labelled me as a 
>>bastard. 
>
> Highly dubious.
> If the paternity was/is unknown, the column headed 'Father's Name' is/was
> left blank, or a dash (-) inserted.

What are the chances that his mother's occupation was put down as "bitch"?

mh.
-- 
http://www.nukesoft.co.uk
http://personal.nukesoft.co.uk

From address is a blackhole. Reply-to address is valid.

And snipe@spambin.fsnet.co.uk (Sn!pe) was like:

> Patrick Hardlentil
> 
> wrote:
>
>> | Vam s pikonchikom?
>
> Scroogling that just pulls up your posts, Patrick; are you going to
> enlighten me?

Certainly, but not without a certain nervousness, because it's a silly
one and I've forgotten why it appealed to me enough to put it in the
sig file. But it means "Would you like some Picon with that?", Picon
being this stuff: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sirop_de_Picon, and the
line being the refrain of the landlord in the bar where the trrrsts
meet to scheme in "Petersburg" by Andrei Bely.

Look, the all-knowing randomiser has picked one I do like from the
same book - how Ableukhov senior looks to his patricidal son.

-- 
| Patrick Hardlentil -  patrick@dogslobber.demon.co.uk
| Like death in a top hat

On 26 Jun 2008 20:53:23 GMT, Marcus Houlden wrote:

<snip>

> What are the chances that his mother's occupation was put down as "bitch"?

Or possibly "botch".


-- 
We all know we are unique individuals, but we tend to see others
as representatives of groups.

In message , JAF 
 writes
>On Thu, 26 Jun 2008 18:55:41 +0100, JF  wrote:
>
>>my 1939 birth certificate labelled me as a
>>bastard.
>
>Highly dubious.
>If the paternity was/is unknown, the column headed 'Father's Name' is/was
>left blank, or a dash (-) inserted.

Highly truthful, old son. I saw the word on my birth certificate. It was 
the first word I ever looked up to discover its meaning.

That I can't get a proper copy of that wonderful document is a bonehead 
of convention with me. I couldn't find it in my mother's papers after 
her death.

-- 
James Follett (novelist, playwright and broadcaster)
I can't be bothered to look up Usenet factoids to appease those dull elves
tormented by the hobgoblins of hairs in the brushstrokes of my glorious
canvases. If I err, very well -- I err.

In message <4863db64$0$26090$db0fefd9@news.zen.co.uk>, Number Two 
 writes
>
>"JF"  wrote
>
>>>You're still a lying bastard!
>>
>> If you say so, Mr Dead Mangled Pigeon.
>>
>> By the way, the bastard bit in your strange flaktoid is correct.
>
>So is the 'lying', fuckwit.
>
>If you had two brains then one would be lonely.

There's a certain incongruity about someone crouching behind a funny 
persona spewing about me lying when I always post under my real name. As 
I have explained on several occasions, your trifling little personal 
insults have no affect on me. They are water out of a DUK's bilge pump. 
I don't respond in kind but prefer polite good humour because I do not 
allow the behaviour of others to influence my behaviour. I don't hand 
control to others but I'm content for others to allow me to control them 
as evidenced by the ease at which you allow me to twist your emotions. A 
chance remark about my once hearing a string quartet can throw folks 
into a blind rage of venom-spitting hated.

For your edification, I don't do fabrications unless I'm paid for them, 
and I don't do personal insults because I might be wrong and feel 
impelled to apologise. If I make a mistake, I'm always the first to 
admit it. Integrity can be a harsh mistress but not as hard as hate.
-- 
James Follett (novelist, playwright and broadcaster)
I can't be bothered to look up Usenet factoids to appease those dull elves
tormented by the hobgoblins of hairs in the brushstrokes of my glorious
canvases. If I err, very well -- I err.

In message , Marcus Houlden 
 writes
>On Thu, 26 Jun 2008 19:32:48 +0100, JAF 
>wrote the following to uk.misc:
>
>> On Thu, 26 Jun 2008 18:55:41 +0100, JF  wrote:
>>
>>>my 1939 birth certificate labelled me as a
>>>bastard.
>>
>> Highly dubious.
>> If the paternity was/is unknown, the column headed 'Father's Name' is/was
>> left blank, or a dash (-) inserted.
>
>What are the chances that his mother's occupation was put down as "bitch"?

Heh heh. That may have expressed my sentiments when she crashed her 
boyfriend's Tiger Moth with me in the front seat. I was about ten at the 
time.
-- 
James Follett (novelist, playwright and broadcaster)
I can't be bothered to look up Usenet factoids to appease those dull elves
tormented by the hobgoblins of hairs in the brushstrokes of my glorious
canvases. If I err, very well -- I err.

On Thu, 26 Jun 2008 20:00:44 +0100, Steve Firth wrote:

[Olaf Stapledon]

> I read F&L men cover to cover because several critics raved about it.
> Having done so (in my teens), I still can't see what the fuss was about.
> The writing wasn't terribly good and the plot non-existent.

[fx: pokes google]

The fuss is about the ideas; they may seem commonplace now but were
deeply original back in the thirties.

-- 
One way ticket from Mornington Crescent to Tannhauser Gate please.

Fevric J Glandules <fevric@invalid.invalid> wrote:

> On Thu, 26 Jun 2008 20:00:44 +0100, Steve Firth wrote:
> 
> [Olaf Stapledon]
> 
> > I read F&L men cover to cover because several critics raved about it.
> > Having done so (in my teens), I still can't see what the fuss was about.
> > The writing wasn't terribly good and the plot non-existent.
> 
> [fx: pokes google]
> 
> The fuss is about the ideas; they may seem commonplace now but were
> deeply original back in the thirties.

Not really, he seems to have copied the entire thing from an earlier H G
Wells story "The Past and Future of the Human Race" (1885). So the ideas
were hardly new or original when Stapledon published his book. And the
book is f'ing boring.

In article <g40rir$c8$1@aioe.org>, pvstownsend@zyx-abc.fsnet.co.uk 
says...
> Dave Budd set the following eddies spiralling through the space-time
> continuum:
> 
> > When Wogan read out the bit about the donkey I was sure they were lining
> > up a brown nose/ass joke, but it never came. Subtly getting it in
> > without saying it out loud, maybe?
> 
> And the J&J connection?
> 
It was part of one of the J&J stories he does occasionally.
-- 
Snob? Were I a snob, I wouldn't be talking to you.

"JF"  wrote

>>If you had two brains then one would be lonely.
>
> There's a certain incongruity about someone crouching behind a funny 
> persona spewing about me lying when I always post under my real name. As I 
> have explained on several occasions, your trifling little personal insults 
> have no affect on me.

Really?

From here, it looks like I have managed to touch a nerve.

Despite your self image of intelligence and erudite education, one simple 
fact seems to have travelled beyond your radar, just a few inches above your 
head. Listen carefully, it makes a Whooshing noise.

These are not insults, merely banter as is the nature of uk.misc.

I suggest that you do a little more research into the different posting 
styles that have appeared in these pages over the years and in particular 
that of the Crouching Pigeon.

You seem to mistake the motives behind the cruel and unstoppable attack upon 
your character.

Rather than hate, I experience amusement at the ease with which I can pick 
at your clumsily woven yarns and unravel the insecurities and self doubts 
that manifest themselves as pure invention in your writing.

Fear not, JF! I have had my sport and I grow tired of seeing you squirm. 
It's getting just a little embarrassing and uncomfortable to watch a grown 
man suffer in this way. I shall leave you alone for a while.

Please, respond to this post with more of your rehearsed 'non insults' but 
do not expect me to continue the game. I shall let you have the last word.




Or will I?

On Fri, 27 Jun 2008 09:29:08 +0100, Number Two wrote:

> Crouching Pigeon

Hidden Badger.

> Rather than hate, I experience amusement at the ease with which I can pick 
> at your clumsily woven yarns and unravel the insecurities and self doubts 
> that manifest themselves as pure invention in your writing.

Nicely put.


-- 
Turned out nice again.

"Hot Badger Deluxe"  wrote

>> Crouching Pigeon
>
> Hidden Badger.
>
>> Rather than hate, I experience amusement at the ease with which I can 
>> pick
>> at your clumsily woven yarns and unravel the insecurities and self doubts
>> that manifest themselves as pure invention in your writing.
>
> Nicely put.

Ooh, ta! Perhaps I should write a novel. Wiv big words and everyfink.

I hear it pays quite well and it appears to be a lot easier than real work.

<fx: fishing reel>

Sn!pe wrote:
> Hot Badger Deluxe  wrote:
> 
>> On Thu, 26 Jun 2008 11:54:32 +0100, Willy Eckerslyke wrote:
>>
>> <snip>
>>
>>> By god, but he's a dirty old man.
>> You say that like it's a bad thing.
> 
> [looks round in alarm] Who are you talking about?

How many dirty old men are there here?

<looks around />

Oh, I see.

In article <g40rir$c8$1@aioe.org>, pvstownsend@zyx-abc.fsnet.co.uk 
says...
> Dave Budd set the following eddies spiralling through the space-time
> continuum:
> 
> > When Wogan read out the bit about the donkey I was sure they were lining
> > up a brown nose/ass joke, but it never came. Subtly getting it in
> > without saying it out loud, maybe?
> 
> And the J&J connection?

John Marsh (Boggy) is one of Wogan's regular newsreaders. His wife is 
called Janet (yes, really). One of the readers started writing stories 
in the style of the old Janet and John readers of our youth, but full of 
double entendre and peopled by Janet and John, the cast of the Wogan 
show, and random others, including Mrs Bickerdyke, who tends to get John 
(a fop, and a dandy) into a lot of trouble.

Some of the stories have had us, let alone Wogan reading them out, 
weeping with laughter. Some of them miss the mark, but that's fair 
enough.

In message <4864a4d6$0$26083$db0fefd9@news.zen.co.uk>, Number Two 
 writes

>Please, respond to this post with more of your rehearsed 'non insults' but
>do not expect me to continue the game. I shall let you have the last word.

As always, I agree with you. Every sneer and jeer. But smears are a 
different matter. I do have this depressing tendency to defend myself.
-- 
James Follett

In article ,
JF   wrote:
>I do have this depressing tendency to defend myself.

... ineffectively.

-- Richard
-- 
In the selection of the two characters immediately succeeding the numeral 9,
consideration shall be given to their replacement by the graphics 10 and 11 to
facilitate the adoption of the code in the sterling monetary area. (X3.4-1963)

JF  wrote:

> I do have this depressing tendency

Indeed.

"JF"  wrote

> As always, I agree with you. Every sneer and jeer. But smears are a 
> different matter. I do have this depressing tendency to soil myself.

Have to tried http://disposablemedicalexpress.com/ ?

They're very discreet.

In message <4864a4d6$0$26083$db0fefd9@news.zen.co.uk>, Number Two 
 writes

>Despite your self image of intelligence and erudite education,

I don't think I've ever claimed much in the way of intelligence, and 
I've great admiration for the comprehensive education system. In my 
well-heeled Surrey village about half the sproglets are sent to private 
schools. My council tax is already notching GBP250 per month (there's 
ten months in a Waverley council year). What my tax would be without 
that fifty per cent opt out of pupils doesn't bear thinking about.

What puzzles me is that decent education shouldn't mean expensive 
education. I can't see that good teaching practices, such as hearing 
children read once a week, are necessarily expensive, although Surrey 
County Council's integrated day is a real money saver.

The old MSC once sent me a school leaver on a work experience programme. 
She was a bright enough kid but a bit reticent when it came to doing a 
spot of filing. We finally twigged that the lass couldn't read or write! 
So we set about teaching her. She was such an eager pupil that it took 
her only about a month to become Guardian proficient. Our technique were 
the awfully old-fashioned hearing her read and setting daily word lists. 
Dirt cheap teaching methods and they worked.

At the time my wife was being sent off on so-called Baker Day one day 
teacher training courses in which experienced teachers sat in neat rows 
facing a board, politely listening to a wet between the legs personette 
telling her 'pupils' that having children sitting in rows was a Bad 
Thing.

It baffled me that the system could so betray a 16-year-old that she 
passed right through her academic years with her inability to read and 
write not being noticed.

> one simple
>fact seems to have travelled beyond your radar, just a few inches above your
>head. Listen carefully, it makes a Whooshing noise.

A valued lesson in invalidation from an expert! I'll waste no time in 
expressing my gratitude.

-- 
Another pack of lies from the incorrigible James Follett. Every
statement he makes is a lie. Feller deserves to be whores' whipped.

JF  writes:

>> one simple fact seems to have travelled beyond your radar, just a few
>>inches above your head. Listen carefully, it makes a Whooshing noise.
>
> A valued lesson in invalidation from an expert!

Oh, look: a reverse Tavvie Tap. Well done, Number Two.

-- 
gotta serve somebody

"August West"  wrote

> Oh, look: a reverse Tavvie Tap.

S'not easy in these shoes.

"Number Two"  writes:

> "August West"  wrote
>
>> Oh, look: a reverse Tavvie Tap.
>
> S'not easy in these shoes.

It's easier if you take them out of the box first.

-- 
petty, ill-informed, and in violation of his restraining order

On Fri, 27 Jun 2008 15:59:51 +0100, JF wrote:

> I don't think I've ever claimed much in the way of intelligence, and 
> I've great admiration for the comprehensive education system. In my 

Really?

"some poor, confused victim of the comprehensive education system"

-- 
One way ticket from Mornington Crescent to Tannhauser Gate please.

In message <wa89k.16790$E41.1971@text.news.virginmedia.com>, Fevric J 
Glandules <fevric@invalid.invalid> writes
>On Fri, 27 Jun 2008 15:59:51 +0100, JF wrote:
>
>> I don't think I've ever claimed much in the way of intelligence, and
>> I've great admiration for the comprehensive education system. In my
>
>Really?
>
>"some poor, confused victim of the comprehensive education system"

There are victims of all systems. The point of my post was that they're 
very often needless victims. I can't see that a decent education need be 
an expensive education. I thought Latin primer was Italian paint.

-- 
Another pack of lies from the incorrigible James Follett. Every
statement he makes is a lie. Feller deserves to be whores' whipped.

"JF"  wrote

>>> I don't think I've ever claimed much in the way of intelligence, and
>>> I've great admiration for the comprehensive education system. In my
>>
>>Really?
>>
>>"some poor, confused victim of the comprehensive education system"
>
> There are victims of all systems.

"If I make a mistake, I'm always the first to admit it."

...but first I'll try and bullshit my way out?

Put the spade down and step away from the hole.

Hot Badger Deluxe wrote:
> On Thu, 26 Jun 2008 15:58:12 +0100, Patrick Hardlentil wrote:
>
>>> I have absolutely no idea how to reply to that... so many old
>>> memories...  the cupboard in the sideboard in which the booze was
>>> stored always smelled slightly of Dubonnet... Gin and
>>> Dubonnet... that was an early tipple...  Have you any idea of the
>>> cavalcade of memories that you have unleashed? I need a drink...
>>
>> [ ] Sorry
>> [tick] You're welcome
>>
>> Please tick one.
>>
>> You've got me going now, mind. Wood polish. Socks. Cricket pads.
>> Wasps. Madeleine cake. Stilton. Haylofts. Bees. When will it end?
>
> Watching the Moon landing on a neighbour's black and white TV. Banana
> Custard. Home made bakewell tart. Proper fried chips. Ah, the halcyon
> days of yore.

Bigger Wagon Wheels..

Hot Badger Deluxe wrote:

> ... remembers ludicrous conversation on a bus with a friend - someone
> got on the bus with an object that we decided was a Leatherette
> baguette case (with matching butter pouch). Probably purchased from
> Reader's Digest. The German guy accompanying us looked very confused.

A what? Is this something they sell in Anne Summers?

On Fri, 27 Jun 2008 21:02:02 +0200, John of Aix wrote:

> Hot Badger Deluxe wrote:
> 
>> ... remembers ludicrous conversation on a bus with a friend - someone
>> got on the bus with an object that we decided was a Leatherette
>> baguette case (with matching butter pouch). Probably purchased from
>> Reader's Digest. The German guy accompanying us looked very confused.
> 
> A what? Is this something they sell in Anne Summers?

The phrase "Probably purchased from Reader's Digest" should answer that
question.

The German guy was a six foot six ginger haired bisexual, dressed entirely
in black leather. He did vocals for us at the Klub Foot supporting
Attrition, for our first number (Her Dead Machine - nod and a wink to
anyone who knows where that phrase comes from). He spent the rest of the
set standing at the back of the stage smoking. K3wl or what?


-- 
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?

"John of Aix"  writes:
> Hot Badger Deluxe wrote:

>> Watching the Moon landing on a neighbour's black and white
>> TV. Banana Custard. Home made bakewell tart. Proper fried
>> chips. Ah, the halcyon days of yore.
> 
> Bigger Wagon Wheels.. 

Wagon wheels weren't even very nice, for all their status as a focus
of nostalgia.

-- 
http://www.greenend.org.uk/rjk/

Richard Kettlewell  wrote:

> "John of Aix"  writes:
> > Hot Badger Deluxe wrote:
> 
> >> Watching the Moon landing on a neighbour's black and white
> >> TV. Banana Custard. Home made bakewell tart. Proper fried
> >> chips. Ah, the halcyon days of yore.
> > 
> > Bigger Wagon Wheels.. 
> 
> Wagon wheels weren't even very nice, for all their status as a focus
> of nostalgia.

The biscuit bit always tasted mouldy.

In message <ewK8k.16109$E41.4640@text.news.virginmedia.com>, Fevric J 
Glandules <fevric@invalid.invalid> writes
>On Thu, 26 Jun 2008 11:41:54 +0100, Number Two wrote:
>
>> I don't doubt it. I merely question the elaborate 'Theme Cruise' story.
>
>Why?  I know a lot of what he posts is only on vague nodding terms
>with reality, but in this case it seems quite plausible.

Theme cruises are becoming big business. Celeb authors seem to be a 
number 1 attraction at the moment. Possibly because most of target 
audience for a writers 'workshop' session on a cruise fancy themselves 
as authors -- especially what is known as the blue-rinse brigade -- 
whereas few want to row single-handed across the Atlantic or go climbing 
mountains.

The way they work is variable but generally the author isn't actually 
paid anything. No tax problems. He or she joins a cruise ship at port A 
and jumps ship two to four days later at port B and is expected to front 
a morning session and an afternoon session each day they're onboard. The 
author pays around half the going rate for his or her time on board. The 
purser usually assigns them a first class cabin because that what they 
have left.

They can be a bit of a con. Cruise customers booking into, say, a 
fifteen day cruise imagine from the brochure wording that their 
favourite author will be on board for the duration of the cruise 
although most successful authors are such bumptious, self-opinionated 
tossers that three days is enough.

-- 
Another pack of lies from the incorrigible James Follett. Every
statement he makes is a lie. Feller deserves to be whores' whipped.

JF  wrote:

>  most successful authors are such bumptious, self-opinionated 
> tossers that three days is enough.

Really? I found Alan Garner and Peter Dickinson to be absolutely
charming. Of course they are real succesful authors, I can see how
others condemned to poncing cheap holidays and hanging on for BBC 7
repeat fees could end up bitter. That Ed Reardon's Week isn't comedy,
it's documentary.

In message <1ij80jn.pmsyyi170hjccN%%steve%@malloc.co.uk>, Steve Firth 
<%steve%@malloc.co.uk> writes
>JF  wrote:
>
>>  most successful authors are such bumptious, self-opinionated
>> tossers that three days is enough.
>
>Really? I found Alan Garner and Peter Dickinson to be absolutely
>charming.

Actually I didn't say they weren't. In fact I don't think I mentioned 
them at all but I must've done so if you insist.

> Of course they are real succesful authors,

Again, I'm sure you're right and I bow to your objective judgement in 
such matters. I'm doubly sure you're right because, having been in the 
top two PLR bands for over ten consecutive years and having sold over 
two million books to my public, I know all about being a 'real 
successful author'. I'm glad we agree on so much.

> I can see how
>others condemned to poncing cheap holidays and hanging on for BBC 7
>repeat fees could end up bitter.

Oh I freely and willingly admit to being an absolute rogue at getting 
something for nothing and I'm onto every tax avoidance scam going. As 
for sneering at several thousand quid that the BBC pay me for running 
repeats, you'll have to give me lessons in embittered sneering because 
the new rates treasury have agreed are not to be sneered at. Doubtless 
you will be thrilled to learn that BBC Radio 7 are to repeat Earthsearch 
starting Monday 30th June -- all ten hours of it! That's gonna cost them 
a few licence fees!

http://www.bbc.co.uk/bbc7/drama/7thdimension.shtml

My only grievance about the BBC is their residual payment system. With 
most of their copyright dept gone for a Birton, they now make such 
payments only once a year. I think they out-source the work to an audit 
company. Still, it does mean that the large lump sum encourages me to 
hang onto it by poncing exotic cheap holidays.

Poor Steve. Your posts are so riddled with bitterness that I urge you to 
look at them with a clinical eye, then read my good-natured posts, and 
ask yourself who is having the most fun? The Usenet is meant to be 
enjoyed, not endured.
-- 
James Follett. Novelist. (G1LXP) http://www.jamesfollett.dswilliams.co.uk
"There is perhaps no phenomenon which contains so much destructive feeling as
moral indignation, which permits envy or hate to be acted out under the guise
of virtue."  (Erich Fromm)

On Sat, 28 Jun 2008 00:27:06 +0100, JF wrote:

> author pays around half the going rate for his or her time on board. The

<boggle>

You *pay*?

</>

-- 
One way ticket from Mornington Crescent to Tannhauser Gate please.

JF  wrote:

> Your posts are so riddled with bitterness

Of course they are, because you say so.

> read my good-natured posts

When I see one. In the meantime I'll have to read your childish trolls.

In message <1ij8546.anmpa01nhhvx0N%%steve%@malloc.co.uk>, Steve Firth 
<%steve%@malloc.co.uk> writes
>JF  wrote:
>
>> Your posts are so riddled with bitterness
>
>Of course they are, because you say so.

It's more than that, Steve. I know it's hard to accept but I do see a 
deep down bitterness that pervades much of your writing. You have many 
valuable and much-appreciated insights to offer on a wide range of 
subjects which are soured by your bitterness.
>
>> read my good-natured posts
>
>When I see one. In the meantime I'll have to read your childish trolls.

You see? All my posts are good-natured, I never smear or sneer at other 
posters and I don't indulge in childish trolls. That you think I do is 
your failing -- not mine. The ability to recognise and laugh at ones 
weaknesses and failings is a valuable trait.

-- 
James Follett. Novelist. (G1LXP) http://www.jamesfollett.dswilliams.co.uk
"There is perhaps no phenomenon which contains so much destructive feeling as
moral indignation, which permits envy or hate to be acted out under the guise
of virtue."  (Erich Fromm)