INTERNET BANDWIDTH WASTERS

BY

COLONEL EDMUND J. BURKE



For starters, let's name some.  Here we find Percy Pervert, Dr. Chuck, and 
William.

Now we all know about Percy Pervert, a 23-year-old luzer who lives in the 
spawn of England (aka Faghole Town) we call Canukville.  Little Percy P. 
sees a doctor who helps poor Percy deal with the "peaks and valleys" of 
day-to-day reality.  Often claiming to do important things, little Percy is 
quite incapable of performing even simple tasks.  Rather than face reality, 
Percy hides behind his computer monitor, conversing with others like him, 
shying away from external reality.  Research shows Percy to be the most 
reprehensible in regards to wasting bandwidth.

We also have an individual calling himself Dr. Chuck, who poses as 
soc.penpal's "Dr. Phil."  Obviously delusional, Dr. Chuck began his "career" 
at soc.penpals posting psychological rubbish stolen from various internet 
sites.  Presumably residing in West Virginia, Dr. Chuck is probably best 
kept away from the barnyard--both in real life and on the internet. 
Additionally, Dr. Chuck measured a meager 1.5 when tested for manhood.  The 
test was conducted under strict lab conditions using the Zorg-Bates Manhood 
Equivalency Scale, or ZMES.  Doctors conclude that Dr. Chuck is a failure 
both as a man and a human being.  We feel Dr. Chuck holds the runner's up 
position as band waster.

Finally we come to the rather hot-headed individual calling himself simply 
William.  We don't know much about this secretive fellow, who lives in 
Faghole Town, and whose brother is a sodomite.  (Note that the practice of 
sodomy among males in the UK has been documented for centuries by the 
French.  [Refer to "Homosexual Tidalwave Sweeps England," by R. Slopewin.]) 
A curious fellow, this William is known for suddenly and inexplicably 
committing verbal abuses on soc.penpals, earning him the title of "True 
Vulgarian."  We suspect William's verbal indiscretions are the result of one 
too many pints.  Therefore we must add "obnoxious drunk" when describing 
him.  Willie likes to waste bandwidth by posting jokes.  However, since he's 
in his cups for the most part, i.e., intoxicated to the point of falling 
down, we feel William holds the rank of minor bandwaster, as insignificant 
as his very existence.


THIS HAS BEEN A PUBLIC SERVICE DOCUMENTATION COURTESY OF COLONEL EDMUND J. 
BURKE (THE MAN YOU WISH YOU WERE)

THANK YOU. 


** Posted from http://www.teranews.com **

Colonel Edmund J. Burke wrote:
> INTERNET BANDWIDTH WASTERS
> 
> BY
> 
> COLONEL EDMUND J. BURKE
> 

Oh geez. Not that oldie. zzzzzz........