This is just about on topic. (legal bit of who gets the kids)

At a bit of a moral dilema with my life. I'll start from the begining... ok
well I've been with my girlfriend for about 4 1/2 years and we have a 1 year
old and a 3 year old. We live together. I work part time, shes stays at home
doing the mum routine then when I'm home I step on every toe and am told
don't do this don't do that with the kids. She says she doesn't love me
anymore and says she doesn't think I really love her. I'm starting to think
why the hell we're together, I think I just keep things ticking over for the
kids sake so they have a nice family home well so they think. I feel so
stuck in a rut that she really p's me off. I bust my back working hard, to
provide her and the kids all they need. She keep saying things need to
change, she wants to start living apart which would absolutely devastate the
kids and I would miss the an auwful lot, you'd be amazed at how much I
would. Obviously her need to rush into having kids should have been me
saying no as we were never that stable of a couple. We've both accepted
things are over and she keeps saying thingas need to change, which when I
asked her wtf she wants she wants the kids, house, money and car and me to
leave ... lovely. I don't want to house, car, money its the kids that matter
to me. I want to know if legally I can have custody of them ?

I have made a deep mistake in being with her and am now paying, but I need
straighten this out and get on with life.

Be glad of any advice ?

Thanks kindly.

For a start:
1.  Ensure you have Parental Responsibility (PR)
2.  Keep records of ALL monies you have given/give her  (cheque
stubbs, bank statements etc record it all)
3.  Keep a diary of everything that happens/is said in your family
4.  Make an appointment at your local Citizens Advice Bureau (CAB)
for free advice on the whole situation.

Sorry to tell you Big Toe  but your girlfriend is in a position to
take you to the cleaners  and f**k your life for you - in this country
women can do that, and are handsomely rewarded for their efforts.
Doing nothing is not an option.  Good luck.

Courts dont  really go much for supporting applications of dads getting 
residency of the kids, so its unlikley that you would succeed - its not to 
say it wont happen, but particularly as the children are so young, the best 
you could hope for is joint residency.

And that applies in the eyes of the court...but not in the eyes of the CSA. 
Even if you had joint residency of the children, you could be liable to pay 
child support.

So if this situation does result in your going separate ways, and joint 
residency is agreed - i would suggest you apply for child benefit for one of 
the children so at least you are deemed to be a PWC for one child at least.

You may benefit from talking to groups such as families need fathers as they 
will help you with other aspects of separation.

NACSA CHAIR

-- 
WHEN CSA GET IT WRONG...NACSA PUT IT RIGHT!!! www.nacsa.co.uk PO BOX 4454, 
Dudley West Midlands, DY1 9AN  FAX 01384 343966
Disclaimer: the content of this email is based upon information supplied and
is subject to errors and omissions
"BigToe"  wrote in message 
news:f4ml38$i8m$1@aioe.org...
> This is just about on topic. (legal bit of who gets the kids)
>
> At a bit of a moral dilema with my life. I'll start from the begining... 
> ok
> well I've been with my girlfriend for about 4 1/2 years and we have a 1 
> year
> old and a 3 year old. We live together. I work part time, shes stays at 
> home
> doing the mum routine then when I'm home I step on every toe and am told
> don't do this don't do that with the kids. She says she doesn't love me
> anymore and says she doesn't think I really love her. I'm starting to 
> think
> why the hell we're together, I think I just keep things ticking over for 
> the
> kids sake so they have a nice family home well so they think. I feel so
> stuck in a rut that she really p's me off. I bust my back working hard, to
> provide her and the kids all they need. She keep saying things need to
> change, she wants to start living apart which would absolutely devastate 
> the
> kids and I would miss the an auwful lot, you'd be amazed at how much I
> would. Obviously her need to rush into having kids should have been me
> saying no as we were never that stable of a couple. We've both accepted
> things are over and she keeps saying thingas need to change, which when I
> asked her wtf she wants she wants the kids, house, money and car and me to
> leave ... lovely. I don't want to house, car, money its the kids that 
> matter
> to me. I want to know if legally I can have custody of them ?
>
> I have made a deep mistake in being with her and am now paying, but I need
> straighten this out and get on with life.
>
> Be glad of any advice ?
>
> Thanks kindly.
>
>
>

These things happen all too frequently.

Try and keep your relationship as "friendly" as possible, Don't go to war, 
or fight or argue if you can at all help it and any time your tempted to say 
something that might interfere with that remember this:-

She has complete power over how your relationship with your children is 
going to progress. If she took it into her head  not to let you see the kids 
ever again, that would be the end of it. I know you think I'm crazy but 
believe me, your chance of getting custody in a court is almost nil and if 
you make the slightest effort to go in that direction in all probability 
your Ex to be will declare total and absolute war on you so tread very 
carefully, accept that she's going to be the primary carer and try and come 
to some easy agreements about how you both can bringing up the kids. try too 
to sort out the money side of things so you don't have to deal with the 
Gestapo.


"BigToe"  wrote in message 
news:f4ml38$i8m$1@aioe.org...
> This is just about on topic. (legal bit of who gets the kids)
>
> At a bit of a moral dilema with my life. I'll start from the begining... 
> ok
> well I've been with my girlfriend for about 4 1/2 years and we have a 1 
> year
> old and a 3 year old. We live together. I work part time, shes stays at 
> home
> doing the mum routine then when I'm home I step on every toe and am told
> don't do this don't do that with the kids. She says she doesn't love me
> anymore and says she doesn't think I really love her. I'm starting to 
> think
> why the hell we're together, I think I just keep things ticking over for 
> the
> kids sake so they have a nice family home well so they think. I feel so
> stuck in a rut that she really p's me off. I bust my back working hard, to
> provide her and the kids all they need. She keep saying things need to
> change, she wants to start living apart which would absolutely devastate 
> the
> kids and I would miss the an auwful lot, you'd be amazed at how much I
> would. Obviously her need to rush into having kids should have been me
> saying no as we were never that stable of a couple. We've both accepted
> things are over and she keeps saying thingas need to change, which when I
> asked her wtf she wants she wants the kids, house, money and car and me to
> leave ... lovely. I don't want to house, car, money its the kids that 
> matter
> to me. I want to know if legally I can have custody of them ?
>
> I have made a deep mistake in being with her and am now paying, but I need
> straighten this out and get on with life.
>
> Be glad of any advice ?
>
> Thanks kindly.
>
>
>

For a start:
1.  Ensure you have Parental Responsibility (PR)
2.  Keep records of ALL monies you have given/give her  (cheque
stubbs, bank statements etc record it all)
3.  Keep a diary of everything that happens/is said in your family
4.  Make an appointment at your local Citizens Advice Bureau (CAB)
for free advice on the whole situation.

Sorry to tell you Big Toe  but your girlfriend is in a position to
take you to the cleaners  and f**k your life for you - in this country
women can do that, and are handsomely rewarded for their efforts.
Doing nothing is not an option.  Good luck.

Courts dont  really go much for supporting applications of dads getting 
residency of the kids, so its unlikley that you would succeed - its not to 
say it wont happen, but particularly as the children are so young, the best 
you could hope for is joint residency.

And that applies in the eyes of the court...but not in the eyes of the CSA. 
Even if you had joint residency of the children, you could be liable to pay 
child support.

So if this situation does result in your going separate ways, and joint 
residency is agreed - i would suggest you apply for child benefit for one of 
the children so at least you are deemed to be a PWC for one child at least.

You may benefit from talking to groups such as families need fathers as they 
will help you with other aspects of separation.

NACSA CHAIR

-- 
WHEN CSA GET IT WRONG...NACSA PUT IT RIGHT!!! www.nacsa.co.uk PO BOX 4454, 
Dudley West Midlands, DY1 9AN  FAX 01384 343966
Disclaimer: the content of this email is based upon information supplied and
is subject to errors and omissions
"BigToe"  wrote in message 
news:f4ml38$i8m$1@aioe.org...
> This is just about on topic. (legal bit of who gets the kids)
>
> At a bit of a moral dilema with my life. I'll start from the begining... 
> ok
> well I've been with my girlfriend for about 4 1/2 years and we have a 1 
> year
> old and a 3 year old. We live together. I work part time, shes stays at 
> home
> doing the mum routine then when I'm home I step on every toe and am told
> don't do this don't do that with the kids. She says she doesn't love me
> anymore and says she doesn't think I really love her. I'm starting to 
> think
> why the hell we're together, I think I just keep things ticking over for 
> the
> kids sake so they have a nice family home well so they think. I feel so
> stuck in a rut that she really p's me off. I bust my back working hard, to
> provide her and the kids all they need. She keep saying things need to
> change, she wants to start living apart which would absolutely devastate 
> the
> kids and I would miss the an auwful lot, you'd be amazed at how much I
> would. Obviously her need to rush into having kids should have been me
> saying no as we were never that stable of a couple. We've both accepted
> things are over and she keeps saying thingas need to change, which when I
> asked her wtf she wants she wants the kids, house, money and car and me to
> leave ... lovely. I don't want to house, car, money its the kids that 
> matter
> to me. I want to know if legally I can have custody of them ?
>
> I have made a deep mistake in being with her and am now paying, but I need
> straighten this out and get on with life.
>
> Be glad of any advice ?
>
> Thanks kindly.
>
>
>

These things happen all too frequently.

Try and keep your relationship as "friendly" as possible, Don't go to war, 
or fight or argue if you can at all help it and any time your tempted to say 
something that might interfere with that remember this:-

She has complete power over how your relationship with your children is 
going to progress. If she took it into her head  not to let you see the kids 
ever again, that would be the end of it. I know you think I'm crazy but 
believe me, your chance of getting custody in a court is almost nil and if 
you make the slightest effort to go in that direction in all probability 
your Ex to be will declare total and absolute war on you so tread very 
carefully, accept that she's going to be the primary carer and try and come 
to some easy agreements about how you both can bringing up the kids. try too 
to sort out the money side of things so you don't have to deal with the 
Gestapo.


"BigToe"  wrote in message 
news:f4ml38$i8m$1@aioe.org...
> This is just about on topic. (legal bit of who gets the kids)
>
> At a bit of a moral dilema with my life. I'll start from the begining... 
> ok
> well I've been with my girlfriend for about 4 1/2 years and we have a 1 
> year
> old and a 3 year old. We live together. I work part time, shes stays at 
> home
> doing the mum routine then when I'm home I step on every toe and am told
> don't do this don't do that with the kids. She says she doesn't love me
> anymore and says she doesn't think I really love her. I'm starting to 
> think
> why the hell we're together, I think I just keep things ticking over for 
> the
> kids sake so they have a nice family home well so they think. I feel so
> stuck in a rut that she really p's me off. I bust my back working hard, to
> provide her and the kids all they need. She keep saying things need to
> change, she wants to start living apart which would absolutely devastate 
> the
> kids and I would miss the an auwful lot, you'd be amazed at how much I
> would. Obviously her need to rush into having kids should have been me
> saying no as we were never that stable of a couple. We've both accepted
> things are over and she keeps saying thingas need to change, which when I
> asked her wtf she wants she wants the kids, house, money and car and me to
> leave ... lovely. I don't want to house, car, money its the kids that 
> matter
> to me. I want to know if legally I can have custody of them ?
>
> I have made a deep mistake in being with her and am now paying, but I need
> straighten this out and get on with life.
>
> Be glad of any advice ?
>
> Thanks kindly.
>
>
>

For a start:
1.  Ensure you have Parental Responsibility (PR)
2.  Keep records of ALL monies you have given/give her  (cheque
stubbs, bank statements etc record it all)
3.  Keep a diary of everything that happens/is said in your family
4.  Make an appointment at your local Citizens Advice Bureau (CAB)
for free advice on the whole situation.

Sorry to tell you Big Toe  but your girlfriend is in a position to
take you to the cleaners  and f**k your life for you - in this country
women can do that, and are handsomely rewarded for their efforts.
Doing nothing is not an option.  Good luck.

Courts dont  really go much for supporting applications of dads getting 
residency of the kids, so its unlikley that you would succeed - its not to 
say it wont happen, but particularly as the children are so young, the best 
you could hope for is joint residency.

And that applies in the eyes of the court...but not in the eyes of the CSA. 
Even if you had joint residency of the children, you could be liable to pay 
child support.

So if this situation does result in your going separate ways, and joint 
residency is agreed - i would suggest you apply for child benefit for one of 
the children so at least you are deemed to be a PWC for one child at least.

You may benefit from talking to groups such as families need fathers as they 
will help you with other aspects of separation.

NACSA CHAIR

-- 
WHEN CSA GET IT WRONG...NACSA PUT IT RIGHT!!! www.nacsa.co.uk PO BOX 4454, 
Dudley West Midlands, DY1 9AN  FAX 01384 343966
Disclaimer: the content of this email is based upon information supplied and
is subject to errors and omissions
"BigToe"  wrote in message 
news:f4ml38$i8m$1@aioe.org...
> This is just about on topic. (legal bit of who gets the kids)
>
> At a bit of a moral dilema with my life. I'll start from the begining... 
> ok
> well I've been with my girlfriend for about 4 1/2 years and we have a 1 
> year
> old and a 3 year old. We live together. I work part time, shes stays at 
> home
> doing the mum routine then when I'm home I step on every toe and am told
> don't do this don't do that with the kids. She says she doesn't love me
> anymore and says she doesn't think I really love her. I'm starting to 
> think
> why the hell we're together, I think I just keep things ticking over for 
> the
> kids sake so they have a nice family home well so they think. I feel so
> stuck in a rut that she really p's me off. I bust my back working hard, to
> provide her and the kids all they need. She keep saying things need to
> change, she wants to start living apart which would absolutely devastate 
> the
> kids and I would miss the an auwful lot, you'd be amazed at how much I
> would. Obviously her need to rush into having kids should have been me
> saying no as we were never that stable of a couple. We've both accepted
> things are over and she keeps saying thingas need to change, which when I
> asked her wtf she wants she wants the kids, house, money and car and me to
> leave ... lovely. I don't want to house, car, money its the kids that 
> matter
> to me. I want to know if legally I can have custody of them ?
>
> I have made a deep mistake in being with her and am now paying, but I need
> straighten this out and get on with life.
>
> Be glad of any advice ?
>
> Thanks kindly.
>
>
>

These things happen all too frequently.

Try and keep your relationship as "friendly" as possible, Don't go to war, 
or fight or argue if you can at all help it and any time your tempted to say 
something that might interfere with that remember this:-

She has complete power over how your relationship with your children is 
going to progress. If she took it into her head  not to let you see the kids 
ever again, that would be the end of it. I know you think I'm crazy but 
believe me, your chance of getting custody in a court is almost nil and if 
you make the slightest effort to go in that direction in all probability 
your Ex to be will declare total and absolute war on you so tread very 
carefully, accept that she's going to be the primary carer and try and come 
to some easy agreements about how you both can bringing up the kids. try too 
to sort out the money side of things so you don't have to deal with the 
Gestapo.


"BigToe"  wrote in message 
news:f4ml38$i8m$1@aioe.org...
> This is just about on topic. (legal bit of who gets the kids)
>
> At a bit of a moral dilema with my life. I'll start from the begining... 
> ok
> well I've been with my girlfriend for about 4 1/2 years and we have a 1 
> year
> old and a 3 year old. We live together. I work part time, shes stays at 
> home
> doing the mum routine then when I'm home I step on every toe and am told
> don't do this don't do that with the kids. She says she doesn't love me
> anymore and says she doesn't think I really love her. I'm starting to 
> think
> why the hell we're together, I think I just keep things ticking over for 
> the
> kids sake so they have a nice family home well so they think. I feel so
> stuck in a rut that she really p's me off. I bust my back working hard, to
> provide her and the kids all they need. She keep saying things need to
> change, she wants to start living apart which would absolutely devastate 
> the
> kids and I would miss the an auwful lot, you'd be amazed at how much I
> would. Obviously her need to rush into having kids should have been me
> saying no as we were never that stable of a couple. We've both accepted
> things are over and she keeps saying thingas need to change, which when I
> asked her wtf she wants she wants the kids, house, money and car and me to
> leave ... lovely. I don't want to house, car, money its the kids that 
> matter
> to me. I want to know if legally I can have custody of them ?
>
> I have made a deep mistake in being with her and am now paying, but I need
> straighten this out and get on with life.
>
> Be glad of any advice ?
>
> Thanks kindly.
>
>
>

For a start:
1.  Ensure you have Parental Responsibility (PR)
2.  Keep records of ALL monies you have given/give her  (cheque
stubbs, bank statements etc record it all)
3.  Keep a diary of everything that happens/is said in your family
4.  Make an appointment at your local Citizens Advice Bureau (CAB)
for free advice on the whole situation.

Sorry to tell you Big Toe  but your girlfriend is in a position to
take you to the cleaners  and f**k your life for you - in this country
women can do that, and are handsomely rewarded for their efforts.
Doing nothing is not an option.  Good luck.

Courts dont  really go much for supporting applications of dads getting 
residency of the kids, so its unlikley that you would succeed - its not to 
say it wont happen, but particularly as the children are so young, the best 
you could hope for is joint residency.

And that applies in the eyes of the court...but not in the eyes of the CSA. 
Even if you had joint residency of the children, you could be liable to pay 
child support.

So if this situation does result in your going separate ways, and joint 
residency is agreed - i would suggest you apply for child benefit for one of 
the children so at least you are deemed to be a PWC for one child at least.

You may benefit from talking to groups such as families need fathers as they 
will help you with other aspects of separation.

NACSA CHAIR

-- 
WHEN CSA GET IT WRONG...NACSA PUT IT RIGHT!!! www.nacsa.co.uk PO BOX 4454, 
Dudley West Midlands, DY1 9AN  FAX 01384 343966
Disclaimer: the content of this email is based upon information supplied and
is subject to errors and omissions
"BigToe"  wrote in message 
news:f4ml38$i8m$1@aioe.org...
> This is just about on topic. (legal bit of who gets the kids)
>
> At a bit of a moral dilema with my life. I'll start from the begining... 
> ok
> well I've been with my girlfriend for about 4 1/2 years and we have a 1 
> year
> old and a 3 year old. We live together. I work part time, shes stays at 
> home
> doing the mum routine then when I'm home I step on every toe and am told
> don't do this don't do that with the kids. She says she doesn't love me
> anymore and says she doesn't think I really love her. I'm starting to 
> think
> why the hell we're together, I think I just keep things ticking over for 
> the
> kids sake so they have a nice family home well so they think. I feel so
> stuck in a rut that she really p's me off. I bust my back working hard, to
> provide her and the kids all they need. She keep saying things need to
> change, she wants to start living apart which would absolutely devastate 
> the
> kids and I would miss the an auwful lot, you'd be amazed at how much I
> would. Obviously her need to rush into having kids should have been me
> saying no as we were never that stable of a couple. We've both accepted
> things are over and she keeps saying thingas need to change, which when I
> asked her wtf she wants she wants the kids, house, money and car and me to
> leave ... lovely. I don't want to house, car, money its the kids that 
> matter
> to me. I want to know if legally I can have custody of them ?
>
> I have made a deep mistake in being with her and am now paying, but I need
> straighten this out and get on with life.
>
> Be glad of any advice ?
>
> Thanks kindly.
>
>
>

These things happen all too frequently.

Try and keep your relationship as "friendly" as possible, Don't go to war, 
or fight or argue if you can at all help it and any time your tempted to say 
something that might interfere with that remember this:-

She has complete power over how your relationship with your children is 
going to progress. If she took it into her head  not to let you see the kids 
ever again, that would be the end of it. I know you think I'm crazy but 
believe me, your chance of getting custody in a court is almost nil and if 
you make the slightest effort to go in that direction in all probability 
your Ex to be will declare total and absolute war on you so tread very 
carefully, accept that she's going to be the primary carer and try and come 
to some easy agreements about how you both can bringing up the kids. try too 
to sort out the money side of things so you don't have to deal with the 
Gestapo.


"BigToe"  wrote in message 
news:f4ml38$i8m$1@aioe.org...
> This is just about on topic. (legal bit of who gets the kids)
>
> At a bit of a moral dilema with my life. I'll start from the begining... 
> ok
> well I've been with my girlfriend for about 4 1/2 years and we have a 1 
> year
> old and a 3 year old. We live together. I work part time, shes stays at 
> home
> doing the mum routine then when I'm home I step on every toe and am told
> don't do this don't do that with the kids. She says she doesn't love me
> anymore and says she doesn't think I really love her. I'm starting to 
> think
> why the hell we're together, I think I just keep things ticking over for 
> the
> kids sake so they have a nice family home well so they think. I feel so
> stuck in a rut that she really p's me off. I bust my back working hard, to
> provide her and the kids all they need. She keep saying things need to
> change, she wants to start living apart which would absolutely devastate 
> the
> kids and I would miss the an auwful lot, you'd be amazed at how much I
> would. Obviously her need to rush into having kids should have been me
> saying no as we were never that stable of a couple. We've both accepted
> things are over and she keeps saying thingas need to change, which when I
> asked her wtf she wants she wants the kids, house, money and car and me to
> leave ... lovely. I don't want to house, car, money its the kids that 
> matter
> to me. I want to know if legally I can have custody of them ?
>
> I have made a deep mistake in being with her and am now paying, but I need
> straighten this out and get on with life.
>
> Be glad of any advice ?
>
> Thanks kindly.
>
>
>

For a start:
1.  Ensure you have Parental Responsibility (PR)
2.  Keep records of ALL monies you have given/give her  (cheque
stubbs, bank statements etc record it all)
3.  Keep a diary of everything that happens/is said in your family
4.  Make an appointment at your local Citizens Advice Bureau (CAB)
for free advice on the whole situation.

Sorry to tell you Big Toe  but your girlfriend is in a position to
take you to the cleaners  and f**k your life for you - in this country
women can do that, and are handsomely rewarded for their efforts.
Doing nothing is not an option.  Good luck.

Courts dont  really go much for supporting applications of dads getting 
residency of the kids, so its unlikley that you would succeed - its not to 
say it wont happen, but particularly as the children are so young, the best 
you could hope for is joint residency.

And that applies in the eyes of the court...but not in the eyes of the CSA. 
Even if you had joint residency of the children, you could be liable to pay 
child support.

So if this situation does result in your going separate ways, and joint 
residency is agreed - i would suggest you apply for child benefit for one of 
the children so at least you are deemed to be a PWC for one child at least.

You may benefit from talking to groups such as families need fathers as they 
will help you with other aspects of separation.

NACSA CHAIR

-- 
WHEN CSA GET IT WRONG...NACSA PUT IT RIGHT!!! www.nacsa.co.uk PO BOX 4454, 
Dudley West Midlands, DY1 9AN  FAX 01384 343966
Disclaimer: the content of this email is based upon information supplied and
is subject to errors and omissions
"BigToe"  wrote in message 
news:f4ml38$i8m$1@aioe.org...
> This is just about on topic. (legal bit of who gets the kids)
>
> At a bit of a moral dilema with my life. I'll start from the begining... 
> ok
> well I've been with my girlfriend for about 4 1/2 years and we have a 1 
> year
> old and a 3 year old. We live together. I work part time, shes stays at 
> home
> doing the mum routine then when I'm home I step on every toe and am told
> don't do this don't do that with the kids. She says she doesn't love me
> anymore and says she doesn't think I really love her. I'm starting to 
> think
> why the hell we're together, I think I just keep things ticking over for 
> the
> kids sake so they have a nice family home well so they think. I feel so
> stuck in a rut that she really p's me off. I bust my back working hard, to
> provide her and the kids all they need. She keep saying things need to
> change, she wants to start living apart which would absolutely devastate 
> the
> kids and I would miss the an auwful lot, you'd be amazed at how much I
> would. Obviously her need to rush into having kids should have been me
> saying no as we were never that stable of a couple. We've both accepted
> things are over and she keeps saying thingas need to change, which when I
> asked her wtf she wants she wants the kids, house, money and car and me to
> leave ... lovely. I don't want to house, car, money its the kids that 
> matter
> to me. I want to know if legally I can have custody of them ?
>
> I have made a deep mistake in being with her and am now paying, but I need
> straighten this out and get on with life.
>
> Be glad of any advice ?
>
> Thanks kindly.
>
>
>

These things happen all too frequently.

Try and keep your relationship as "friendly" as possible, Don't go to war, 
or fight or argue if you can at all help it and any time your tempted to say 
something that might interfere with that remember this:-

She has complete power over how your relationship with your children is 
going to progress. If she took it into her head  not to let you see the kids 
ever again, that would be the end of it. I know you think I'm crazy but 
believe me, your chance of getting custody in a court is almost nil and if 
you make the slightest effort to go in that direction in all probability 
your Ex to be will declare total and absolute war on you so tread very 
carefully, accept that she's going to be the primary carer and try and come 
to some easy agreements about how you both can bringing up the kids. try too 
to sort out the money side of things so you don't have to deal with the 
Gestapo.


"BigToe"  wrote in message 
news:f4ml38$i8m$1@aioe.org...
> This is just about on topic. (legal bit of who gets the kids)
>
> At a bit of a moral dilema with my life. I'll start from the begining... 
> ok
> well I've been with my girlfriend for about 4 1/2 years and we have a 1 
> year
> old and a 3 year old. We live together. I work part time, shes stays at 
> home
> doing the mum routine then when I'm home I step on every toe and am told
> don't do this don't do that with the kids. She says she doesn't love me
> anymore and says she doesn't think I really love her. I'm starting to 
> think
> why the hell we're together, I think I just keep things ticking over for 
> the
> kids sake so they have a nice family home well so they think. I feel so
> stuck in a rut that she really p's me off. I bust my back working hard, to
> provide her and the kids all they need. She keep saying things need to
> change, she wants to start living apart which would absolutely devastate 
> the
> kids and I would miss the an auwful lot, you'd be amazed at how much I
> would. Obviously her need to rush into having kids should have been me
> saying no as we were never that stable of a couple. We've both accepted
> things are over and she keeps saying thingas need to change, which when I
> asked her wtf she wants she wants the kids, house, money and car and me to
> leave ... lovely. I don't want to house, car, money its the kids that 
> matter
> to me. I want to know if legally I can have custody of them ?
>
> I have made a deep mistake in being with her and am now paying, but I need
> straighten this out and get on with life.
>
> Be glad of any advice ?
>
> Thanks kindly.
>
>
>

For a start:
1.  Ensure you have Parental Responsibility (PR)
2.  Keep records of ALL monies you have given/give her  (cheque
stubbs, bank statements etc record it all)
3.  Keep a diary of everything that happens/is said in your family
4.  Make an appointment at your local Citizens Advice Bureau (CAB)
for free advice on the whole situation.

Sorry to tell you Big Toe  but your girlfriend is in a position to
take you to the cleaners  and f**k your life for you - in this country
women can do that, and are handsomely rewarded for their efforts.
Doing nothing is not an option.  Good luck.

Courts dont  really go much for supporting applications of dads getting 
residency of the kids, so its unlikley that you would succeed - its not to 
say it wont happen, but particularly as the children are so young, the best 
you could hope for is joint residency.

And that applies in the eyes of the court...but not in the eyes of the CSA. 
Even if you had joint residency of the children, you could be liable to pay 
child support.

So if this situation does result in your going separate ways, and joint 
residency is agreed - i would suggest you apply for child benefit for one of 
the children so at least you are deemed to be a PWC for one child at least.

You may benefit from talking to groups such as families need fathers as they 
will help you with other aspects of separation.

NACSA CHAIR

-- 
WHEN CSA GET IT WRONG...NACSA PUT IT RIGHT!!! www.nacsa.co.uk PO BOX 4454, 
Dudley West Midlands, DY1 9AN  FAX 01384 343966
Disclaimer: the content of this email is based upon information supplied and
is subject to errors and omissions
"BigToe"  wrote in message 
news:f4ml38$i8m$1@aioe.org...
> This is just about on topic. (legal bit of who gets the kids)
>
> At a bit of a moral dilema with my life. I'll start from the begining... 
> ok
> well I've been with my girlfriend for about 4 1/2 years and we have a 1 
> year
> old and a 3 year old. We live together. I work part time, shes stays at 
> home
> doing the mum routine then when I'm home I step on every toe and am told
> don't do this don't do that with the kids. She says she doesn't love me
> anymore and says she doesn't think I really love her. I'm starting to 
> think
> why the hell we're together, I think I just keep things ticking over for 
> the
> kids sake so they have a nice family home well so they think. I feel so
> stuck in a rut that she really p's me off. I bust my back working hard, to
> provide her and the kids all they need. She keep saying things need to
> change, she wants to start living apart which would absolutely devastate 
> the
> kids and I would miss the an auwful lot, you'd be amazed at how much I
> would. Obviously her need to rush into having kids should have been me
> saying no as we were never that stable of a couple. We've both accepted
> things are over and she keeps saying thingas need to change, which when I
> asked her wtf she wants she wants the kids, house, money and car and me to
> leave ... lovely. I don't want to house, car, money its the kids that 
> matter
> to me. I want to know if legally I can have custody of them ?
>
> I have made a deep mistake in being with her and am now paying, but I need
> straighten this out and get on with life.
>
> Be glad of any advice ?
>
> Thanks kindly.
>
>
>

These things happen all too frequently.

Try and keep your relationship as "friendly" as possible, Don't go to war, 
or fight or argue if you can at all help it and any time your tempted to say 
something that might interfere with that remember this:-

She has complete power over how your relationship with your children is 
going to progress. If she took it into her head  not to let you see the kids 
ever again, that would be the end of it. I know you think I'm crazy but 
believe me, your chance of getting custody in a court is almost nil and if 
you make the slightest effort to go in that direction in all probability 
your Ex to be will declare total and absolute war on you so tread very 
carefully, accept that she's going to be the primary carer and try and come 
to some easy agreements about how you both can bringing up the kids. try too 
to sort out the money side of things so you don't have to deal with the 
Gestapo.


"BigToe"  wrote in message 
news:f4ml38$i8m$1@aioe.org...
> This is just about on topic. (legal bit of who gets the kids)
>
> At a bit of a moral dilema with my life. I'll start from the begining... 
> ok
> well I've been with my girlfriend for about 4 1/2 years and we have a 1 
> year
> old and a 3 year old. We live together. I work part time, shes stays at 
> home
> doing the mum routine then when I'm home I step on every toe and am told
> don't do this don't do that with the kids. She says she doesn't love me
> anymore and says she doesn't think I really love her. I'm starting to 
> think
> why the hell we're together, I think I just keep things ticking over for 
> the
> kids sake so they have a nice family home well so they think. I feel so
> stuck in a rut that she really p's me off. I bust my back working hard, to
> provide her and the kids all they need. She keep saying things need to
> change, she wants to start living apart which would absolutely devastate 
> the
> kids and I would miss the an auwful lot, you'd be amazed at how much I
> would. Obviously her need to rush into having kids should have been me
> saying no as we were never that stable of a couple. We've both accepted
> things are over and she keeps saying thingas need to change, which when I
> asked her wtf she wants she wants the kids, house, money and car and me to
> leave ... lovely. I don't want to house, car, money its the kids that 
> matter
> to me. I want to know if legally I can have custody of them ?
>
> I have made a deep mistake in being with her and am now paying, but I need
> straighten this out and get on with life.
>
> Be glad of any advice ?
>
> Thanks kindly.
>
>
>

For a start:
1.  Ensure you have Parental Responsibility (PR)
2.  Keep records of ALL monies you have given/give her  (cheque
stubbs, bank statements etc record it all)
3.  Keep a diary of everything that happens/is said in your family
4.  Make an appointment at your local Citizens Advice Bureau (CAB)
for free advice on the whole situation.

Sorry to tell you Big Toe  but your girlfriend is in a position to
take you to the cleaners  and f**k your life for you - in this country
women can do that, and are handsomely rewarded for their efforts.
Doing nothing is not an option.  Good luck.

Courts dont  really go much for supporting applications of dads getting 
residency of the kids, so its unlikley that you would succeed - its not to 
say it wont happen, but particularly as the children are so young, the best 
you could hope for is joint residency.

And that applies in the eyes of the court...but not in the eyes of the CSA. 
Even if you had joint residency of the children, you could be liable to pay 
child support.

So if this situation does result in your going separate ways, and joint 
residency is agreed - i would suggest you apply for child benefit for one of 
the children so at least you are deemed to be a PWC for one child at least.

You may benefit from talking to groups such as families need fathers as they 
will help you with other aspects of separation.

NACSA CHAIR

-- 
WHEN CSA GET IT WRONG...NACSA PUT IT RIGHT!!! www.nacsa.co.uk PO BOX 4454, 
Dudley West Midlands, DY1 9AN  FAX 01384 343966
Disclaimer: the content of this email is based upon information supplied and
is subject to errors and omissions
"BigToe"  wrote in message 
news:f4ml38$i8m$1@aioe.org...
> This is just about on topic. (legal bit of who gets the kids)
>
> At a bit of a moral dilema with my life. I'll start from the begining... 
> ok
> well I've been with my girlfriend for about 4 1/2 years and we have a 1 
> year
> old and a 3 year old. We live together. I work part time, shes stays at 
> home
> doing the mum routine then when I'm home I step on every toe and am told
> don't do this don't do that with the kids. She says she doesn't love me
> anymore and says she doesn't think I really love her. I'm starting to 
> think
> why the hell we're together, I think I just keep things ticking over for 
> the
> kids sake so they have a nice family home well so they think. I feel so
> stuck in a rut that she really p's me off. I bust my back working hard, to
> provide her and the kids all they need. She keep saying things need to
> change, she wants to start living apart which would absolutely devastate 
> the
> kids and I would miss the an auwful lot, you'd be amazed at how much I
> would. Obviously her need to rush into having kids should have been me
> saying no as we were never that stable of a couple. We've both accepted
> things are over and she keeps saying thingas need to change, which when I
> asked her wtf she wants she wants the kids, house, money and car and me to
> leave ... lovely. I don't want to house, car, money its the kids that 
> matter
> to me. I want to know if legally I can have custody of them ?
>
> I have made a deep mistake in being with her and am now paying, but I need
> straighten this out and get on with life.
>
> Be glad of any advice ?
>
> Thanks kindly.
>
>
>

These things happen all too frequently.

Try and keep your relationship as "friendly" as possible, Don't go to war, 
or fight or argue if you can at all help it and any time your tempted to say 
something that might interfere with that remember this:-

She has complete power over how your relationship with your children is 
going to progress. If she took it into her head  not to let you see the kids 
ever again, that would be the end of it. I know you think I'm crazy but 
believe me, your chance of getting custody in a court is almost nil and if 
you make the slightest effort to go in that direction in all probability 
your Ex to be will declare total and absolute war on you so tread very 
carefully, accept that she's going to be the primary carer and try and come 
to some easy agreements about how you both can bringing up the kids. try too 
to sort out the money side of things so you don't have to deal with the 
Gestapo.


"BigToe"  wrote in message 
news:f4ml38$i8m$1@aioe.org...
> This is just about on topic. (legal bit of who gets the kids)
>
> At a bit of a moral dilema with my life. I'll start from the begining... 
> ok
> well I've been with my girlfriend for about 4 1/2 years and we have a 1 
> year
> old and a 3 year old. We live together. I work part time, shes stays at 
> home
> doing the mum routine then when I'm home I step on every toe and am told
> don't do this don't do that with the kids. She says she doesn't love me
> anymore and says she doesn't think I really love her. I'm starting to 
> think
> why the hell we're together, I think I just keep things ticking over for 
> the
> kids sake so they have a nice family home well so they think. I feel so
> stuck in a rut that she really p's me off. I bust my back working hard, to
> provide her and the kids all they need. She keep saying things need to
> change, she wants to start living apart which would absolutely devastate 
> the
> kids and I would miss the an auwful lot, you'd be amazed at how much I
> would. Obviously her need to rush into having kids should have been me
> saying no as we were never that stable of a couple. We've both accepted
> things are over and she keeps saying thingas need to change, which when I
> asked her wtf she wants she wants the kids, house, money and car and me to
> leave ... lovely. I don't want to house, car, money its the kids that 
> matter
> to me. I want to know if legally I can have custody of them ?
>
> I have made a deep mistake in being with her and am now paying, but I need
> straighten this out and get on with life.
>
> Be glad of any advice ?
>
> Thanks kindly.
>
>
>

For a start:
1.  Ensure you have Parental Responsibility (PR)
2.  Keep records of ALL monies you have given/give her  (cheque
stubbs, bank statements etc record it all)
3.  Keep a diary of everything that happens/is said in your family
4.  Make an appointment at your local Citizens Advice Bureau (CAB)
for free advice on the whole situation.

Sorry to tell you Big Toe  but your girlfriend is in a position to
take you to the cleaners  and f**k your life for you - in this country
women can do that, and are handsomely rewarded for their efforts.
Doing nothing is not an option.  Good luck.

Courts dont  really go much for supporting applications of dads getting 
residency of the kids, so its unlikley that you would succeed - its not to 
say it wont happen, but particularly as the children are so young, the best 
you could hope for is joint residency.

And that applies in the eyes of the court...but not in the eyes of the CSA. 
Even if you had joint residency of the children, you could be liable to pay 
child support.

So if this situation does result in your going separate ways, and joint 
residency is agreed - i would suggest you apply for child benefit for one of 
the children so at least you are deemed to be a PWC for one child at least.

You may benefit from talking to groups such as families need fathers as they 
will help you with other aspects of separation.

NACSA CHAIR

-- 
WHEN CSA GET IT WRONG...NACSA PUT IT RIGHT!!! www.nacsa.co.uk PO BOX 4454, 
Dudley West Midlands, DY1 9AN  FAX 01384 343966
Disclaimer: the content of this email is based upon information supplied and
is subject to errors and omissions
"BigToe"  wrote in message 
news:f4ml38$i8m$1@aioe.org...
> This is just about on topic. (legal bit of who gets the kids)
>
> At a bit of a moral dilema with my life. I'll start from the begining... 
> ok
> well I've been with my girlfriend for about 4 1/2 years and we have a 1 
> year
> old and a 3 year old. We live together. I work part time, shes stays at 
> home
> doing the mum routine then when I'm home I step on every toe and am told
> don't do this don't do that with the kids. She says she doesn't love me
> anymore and says she doesn't think I really love her. I'm starting to 
> think
> why the hell we're together, I think I just keep things ticking over for 
> the
> kids sake so they have a nice family home well so they think. I feel so
> stuck in a rut that she really p's me off. I bust my back working hard, to
> provide her and the kids all they need. She keep saying things need to
> change, she wants to start living apart which would absolutely devastate 
> the
> kids and I would miss the an auwful lot, you'd be amazed at how much I
> would. Obviously her need to rush into having kids should have been me
> saying no as we were never that stable of a couple. We've both accepted
> things are over and she keeps saying thingas need to change, which when I
> asked her wtf she wants she wants the kids, house, money and car and me to
> leave ... lovely. I don't want to house, car, money its the kids that 
> matter
> to me. I want to know if legally I can have custody of them ?
>
> I have made a deep mistake in being with her and am now paying, but I need
> straighten this out and get on with life.
>
> Be glad of any advice ?
>
> Thanks kindly.
>
>
>

These things happen all too frequently.

Try and keep your relationship as "friendly" as possible, Don't go to war, 
or fight or argue if you can at all help it and any time your tempted to say 
something that might interfere with that remember this:-

She has complete power over how your relationship with your children is 
going to progress. If she took it into her head  not to let you see the kids 
ever again, that would be the end of it. I know you think I'm crazy but 
believe me, your chance of getting custody in a court is almost nil and if 
you make the slightest effort to go in that direction in all probability 
your Ex to be will declare total and absolute war on you so tread very 
carefully, accept that she's going to be the primary carer and try and come 
to some easy agreements about how you both can bringing up the kids. try too 
to sort out the money side of things so you don't have to deal with the 
Gestapo.


"BigToe"  wrote in message 
news:f4ml38$i8m$1@aioe.org...
> This is just about on topic. (legal bit of who gets the kids)
>
> At a bit of a moral dilema with my life. I'll start from the begining... 
> ok
> well I've been with my girlfriend for about 4 1/2 years and we have a 1 
> year
> old and a 3 year old. We live together. I work part time, shes stays at 
> home
> doing the mum routine then when I'm home I step on every toe and am told
> don't do this don't do that with the kids. She says she doesn't love me
> anymore and says she doesn't think I really love her. I'm starting to 
> think
> why the hell we're together, I think I just keep things ticking over for 
> the
> kids sake so they have a nice family home well so they think. I feel so
> stuck in a rut that she really p's me off. I bust my back working hard, to
> provide her and the kids all they need. She keep saying things need to
> change, she wants to start living apart which would absolutely devastate 
> the
> kids and I would miss the an auwful lot, you'd be amazed at how much I
> would. Obviously her need to rush into having kids should have been me
> saying no as we were never that stable of a couple. We've both accepted
> things are over and she keeps saying thingas need to change, which when I
> asked her wtf she wants she wants the kids, house, money and car and me to
> leave ... lovely. I don't want to house, car, money its the kids that 
> matter
> to me. I want to know if legally I can have custody of them ?
>
> I have made a deep mistake in being with her and am now paying, but I need
> straighten this out and get on with life.
>
> Be glad of any advice ?
>
> Thanks kindly.
>
>
>

For a start:
1.  Ensure you have Parental Responsibility (PR)
2.  Keep records of ALL monies you have given/give her  (cheque
stubbs, bank statements etc record it all)
3.  Keep a diary of everything that happens/is said in your family
4.  Make an appointment at your local Citizens Advice Bureau (CAB)
for free advice on the whole situation.

Sorry to tell you Big Toe  but your girlfriend is in a position to
take you to the cleaners  and f**k your life for you - in this country
women can do that, and are handsomely rewarded for their efforts.
Doing nothing is not an option.  Good luck.

Courts dont  really go much for supporting applications of dads getting 
residency of the kids, so its unlikley that you would succeed - its not to 
say it wont happen, but particularly as the children are so young, the best 
you could hope for is joint residency.

And that applies in the eyes of the court...but not in the eyes of the CSA. 
Even if you had joint residency of the children, you could be liable to pay 
child support.

So if this situation does result in your going separate ways, and joint 
residency is agreed - i would suggest you apply for child benefit for one of 
the children so at least you are deemed to be a PWC for one child at least.

You may benefit from talking to groups such as families need fathers as they 
will help you with other aspects of separation.

NACSA CHAIR

-- 
WHEN CSA GET IT WRONG...NACSA PUT IT RIGHT!!! www.nacsa.co.uk PO BOX 4454, 
Dudley West Midlands, DY1 9AN  FAX 01384 343966
Disclaimer: the content of this email is based upon information supplied and
is subject to errors and omissions
"BigToe"  wrote in message 
news:f4ml38$i8m$1@aioe.org...
> This is just about on topic. (legal bit of who gets the kids)
>
> At a bit of a moral dilema with my life. I'll start from the begining... 
> ok
> well I've been with my girlfriend for about 4 1/2 years and we have a 1 
> year
> old and a 3 year old. We live together. I work part time, shes stays at 
> home
> doing the mum routine then when I'm home I step on every toe and am told
> don't do this don't do that with the kids. She says she doesn't love me
> anymore and says she doesn't think I really love her. I'm starting to 
> think
> why the hell we're together, I think I just keep things ticking over for 
> the
> kids sake so they have a nice family home well so they think. I feel so
> stuck in a rut that she really p's me off. I bust my back working hard, to
> provide her and the kids all they need. She keep saying things need to
> change, she wants to start living apart which would absolutely devastate 
> the
> kids and I would miss the an auwful lot, you'd be amazed at how much I
> would. Obviously her need to rush into having kids should have been me
> saying no as we were never that stable of a couple. We've both accepted
> things are over and she keeps saying thingas need to change, which when I
> asked her wtf she wants she wants the kids, house, money and car and me to
> leave ... lovely. I don't want to house, car, money its the kids that 
> matter
> to me. I want to know if legally I can have custody of them ?
>
> I have made a deep mistake in being with her and am now paying, but I need
> straighten this out and get on with life.
>
> Be glad of any advice ?
>
> Thanks kindly.
>
>
>

These things happen all too frequently.

Try and keep your relationship as "friendly" as possible, Don't go to war, 
or fight or argue if you can at all help it and any time your tempted to say 
something that might interfere with that remember this:-

She has complete power over how your relationship with your children is 
going to progress. If she took it into her head  not to let you see the kids 
ever again, that would be the end of it. I know you think I'm crazy but 
believe me, your chance of getting custody in a court is almost nil and if 
you make the slightest effort to go in that direction in all probability 
your Ex to be will declare total and absolute war on you so tread very 
carefully, accept that she's going to be the primary carer and try and come 
to some easy agreements about how you both can bringing up the kids. try too 
to sort out the money side of things so you don't have to deal with the 
Gestapo.


"BigToe"  wrote in message 
news:f4ml38$i8m$1@aioe.org...
> This is just about on topic. (legal bit of who gets the kids)
>
> At a bit of a moral dilema with my life. I'll start from the begining... 
> ok
> well I've been with my girlfriend for about 4 1/2 years and we have a 1 
> year
> old and a 3 year old. We live together. I work part time, shes stays at 
> home
> doing the mum routine then when I'm home I step on every toe and am told
> don't do this don't do that with the kids. She says she doesn't love me
> anymore and says she doesn't think I really love her. I'm starting to 
> think
> why the hell we're together, I think I just keep things ticking over for 
> the
> kids sake so they have a nice family home well so they think. I feel so
> stuck in a rut that she really p's me off. I bust my back working hard, to
> provide her and the kids all they need. She keep saying things need to
> change, she wants to start living apart which would absolutely devastate 
> the
> kids and I would miss the an auwful lot, you'd be amazed at how much I
> would. Obviously her need to rush into having kids should have been me
> saying no as we were never that stable of a couple. We've both accepted
> things are over and she keeps saying thingas need to change, which when I
> asked her wtf she wants she wants the kids, house, money and car and me to
> leave ... lovely. I don't want to house, car, money its the kids that 
> matter
> to me. I want to know if legally I can have custody of them ?
>
> I have made a deep mistake in being with her and am now paying, but I need
> straighten this out and get on with life.
>
> Be glad of any advice ?
>
> Thanks kindly.
>
>
>

For a start:
1.  Ensure you have Parental Responsibility (PR)
2.  Keep records of ALL monies you have given/give her  (cheque
stubbs, bank statements etc record it all)
3.  Keep a diary of everything that happens/is said in your family
4.  Make an appointment at your local Citizens Advice Bureau (CAB)
for free advice on the whole situation.

Sorry to tell you Big Toe  but your girlfriend is in a position to
take you to the cleaners  and f**k your life for you - in this country
women can do that, and are handsomely rewarded for their efforts.
Doing nothing is not an option.  Good luck.

Courts dont  really go much for supporting applications of dads getting 
residency of the kids, so its unlikley that you would succeed - its not to 
say it wont happen, but particularly as the children are so young, the best 
you could hope for is joint residency.

And that applies in the eyes of the court...but not in the eyes of the CSA. 
Even if you had joint residency of the children, you could be liable to pay 
child support.

So if this situation does result in your going separate ways, and joint 
residency is agreed - i would suggest you apply for child benefit for one of 
the children so at least you are deemed to be a PWC for one child at least.

You may benefit from talking to groups such as families need fathers as they 
will help you with other aspects of separation.

NACSA CHAIR

-- 
WHEN CSA GET IT WRONG...NACSA PUT IT RIGHT!!! www.nacsa.co.uk PO BOX 4454, 
Dudley West Midlands, DY1 9AN  FAX 01384 343966
Disclaimer: the content of this email is based upon information supplied and
is subject to errors and omissions
"BigToe"  wrote in message 
news:f4ml38$i8m$1@aioe.org...
> This is just about on topic. (legal bit of who gets the kids)
>
> At a bit of a moral dilema with my life. I'll start from the begining... 
> ok
> well I've been with my girlfriend for about 4 1/2 years and we have a 1 
> year
> old and a 3 year old. We live together. I work part time, shes stays at 
> home
> doing the mum routine then when I'm home I step on every toe and am told
> don't do this don't do that with the kids. She says she doesn't love me
> anymore and says she doesn't think I really love her. I'm starting to 
> think
> why the hell we're together, I think I just keep things ticking over for 
> the
> kids sake so they have a nice family home well so they think. I feel so
> stuck in a rut that she really p's me off. I bust my back working hard, to
> provide her and the kids all they need. She keep saying things need to
> change, she wants to start living apart which would absolutely devastate 
> the
> kids and I would miss the an auwful lot, you'd be amazed at how much I
> would. Obviously her need to rush into having kids should have been me
> saying no as we were never that stable of a couple. We've both accepted
> things are over and she keeps saying thingas need to change, which when I
> asked her wtf she wants she wants the kids, house, money and car and me to
> leave ... lovely. I don't want to house, car, money its the kids that 
> matter
> to me. I want to know if legally I can have custody of them ?
>
> I have made a deep mistake in being with her and am now paying, but I need
> straighten this out and get on with life.
>
> Be glad of any advice ?
>
> Thanks kindly.
>
>
>

These things happen all too frequently.

Try and keep your relationship as "friendly" as possible, Don't go to war, 
or fight or argue if you can at all help it and any time your tempted to say 
something that might interfere with that remember this:-

She has complete power over how your relationship with your children is 
going to progress. If she took it into her head  not to let you see the kids 
ever again, that would be the end of it. I know you think I'm crazy but 
believe me, your chance of getting custody in a court is almost nil and if 
you make the slightest effort to go in that direction in all probability 
your Ex to be will declare total and absolute war on you so tread very 
carefully, accept that she's going to be the primary carer and try and come 
to some easy agreements about how you both can bringing up the kids. try too 
to sort out the money side of things so you don't have to deal with the 
Gestapo.


"BigToe"  wrote in message 
news:f4ml38$i8m$1@aioe.org...
> This is just about on topic. (legal bit of who gets the kids)
>
> At a bit of a moral dilema with my life. I'll start from the begining... 
> ok
> well I've been with my girlfriend for about 4 1/2 years and we have a 1 
> year
> old and a 3 year old. We live together. I work part time, shes stays at 
> home
> doing the mum routine then when I'm home I step on every toe and am told
> don't do this don't do that with the kids. She says she doesn't love me
> anymore and says she doesn't think I really love her. I'm starting to 
> think
> why the hell we're together, I think I just keep things ticking over for 
> the
> kids sake so they have a nice family home well so they think. I feel so
> stuck in a rut that she really p's me off. I bust my back working hard, to
> provide her and the kids all they need. She keep saying things need to
> change, she wants to start living apart which would absolutely devastate 
> the
> kids and I would miss the an auwful lot, you'd be amazed at how much I
> would. Obviously her need to rush into having kids should have been me
> saying no as we were never that stable of a couple. We've both accepted
> things are over and she keeps saying thingas need to change, which when I
> asked her wtf she wants she wants the kids, house, money and car and me to
> leave ... lovely. I don't want to house, car, money its the kids that 
> matter
> to me. I want to know if legally I can have custody of them ?
>
> I have made a deep mistake in being with her and am now paying, but I need
> straighten this out and get on with life.
>
> Be glad of any advice ?
>
> Thanks kindly.
>
>
>

For a start:
1.  Ensure you have Parental Responsibility (PR)
2.  Keep records of ALL monies you have given/give her  (cheque
stubbs, bank statements etc record it all)
3.  Keep a diary of everything that happens/is said in your family
4.  Make an appointment at your local Citizens Advice Bureau (CAB)
for free advice on the whole situation.

Sorry to tell you Big Toe  but your girlfriend is in a position to
take you to the cleaners  and f**k your life for you - in this country
women can do that, and are handsomely rewarded for their efforts.
Doing nothing is not an option.  Good luck.

Courts dont  really go much for supporting applications of dads getting 
residency of the kids, so its unlikley that you would succeed - its not to 
say it wont happen, but particularly as the children are so young, the best 
you could hope for is joint residency.

And that applies in the eyes of the court...but not in the eyes of the CSA. 
Even if you had joint residency of the children, you could be liable to pay 
child support.

So if this situation does result in your going separate ways, and joint 
residency is agreed - i would suggest you apply for child benefit for one of 
the children so at least you are deemed to be a PWC for one child at least.

You may benefit from talking to groups such as families need fathers as they 
will help you with other aspects of separation.

NACSA CHAIR

-- 
WHEN CSA GET IT WRONG...NACSA PUT IT RIGHT!!! www.nacsa.co.uk PO BOX 4454, 
Dudley West Midlands, DY1 9AN  FAX 01384 343966
Disclaimer: the content of this email is based upon information supplied and
is subject to errors and omissions
"BigToe"  wrote in message 
news:f4ml38$i8m$1@aioe.org...
> This is just about on topic. (legal bit of who gets the kids)
>
> At a bit of a moral dilema with my life. I'll start from the begining... 
> ok
> well I've been with my girlfriend for about 4 1/2 years and we have a 1 
> year
> old and a 3 year old. We live together. I work part time, shes stays at 
> home
> doing the mum routine then when I'm home I step on every toe and am told
> don't do this don't do that with the kids. She says she doesn't love me
> anymore and says she doesn't think I really love her. I'm starting to 
> think
> why the hell we're together, I think I just keep things ticking over for 
> the
> kids sake so they have a nice family home well so they think. I feel so
> stuck in a rut that she really p's me off. I bust my back working hard, to
> provide her and the kids all they need. She keep saying things need to
> change, she wants to start living apart which would absolutely devastate 
> the
> kids and I would miss the an auwful lot, you'd be amazed at how much I
> would. Obviously her need to rush into having kids should have been me
> saying no as we were never that stable of a couple. We've both accepted
> things are over and she keeps saying thingas need to change, which when I
> asked her wtf she wants she wants the kids, house, money and car and me to
> leave ... lovely. I don't want to house, car, money its the kids that 
> matter
> to me. I want to know if legally I can have custody of them ?
>
> I have made a deep mistake in being with her and am now paying, but I need
> straighten this out and get on with life.
>
> Be glad of any advice ?
>
> Thanks kindly.
>
>
>

These things happen all too frequently.

Try and keep your relationship as "friendly" as possible, Don't go to war, 
or fight or argue if you can at all help it and any time your tempted to say 
something that might interfere with that remember this:-

She has complete power over how your relationship with your children is 
going to progress. If she took it into her head  not to let you see the kids 
ever again, that would be the end of it. I know you think I'm crazy but 
believe me, your chance of getting custody in a court is almost nil and if 
you make the slightest effort to go in that direction in all probability 
your Ex to be will declare total and absolute war on you so tread very 
carefully, accept that she's going to be the primary carer and try and come 
to some easy agreements about how you both can bringing up the kids. try too 
to sort out the money side of things so you don't have to deal with the 
Gestapo.


"BigToe"  wrote in message 
news:f4ml38$i8m$1@aioe.org...
> This is just about on topic. (legal bit of who gets the kids)
>
> At a bit of a moral dilema with my life. I'll start from the begining... 
> ok
> well I've been with my girlfriend for about 4 1/2 years and we have a 1 
> year
> old and a 3 year old. We live together. I work part time, shes stays at 
> home
> doing the mum routine then when I'm home I step on every toe and am told
> don't do this don't do that with the kids. She says she doesn't love me
> anymore and says she doesn't think I really love her. I'm starting to 
> think
> why the hell we're together, I think I just keep things ticking over for 
> the
> kids sake so they have a nice family home well so they think. I feel so
> stuck in a rut that she really p's me off. I bust my back working hard, to
> provide her and the kids all they need. She keep saying things need to
> change, she wants to start living apart which would absolutely devastate 
> the
> kids and I would miss the an auwful lot, you'd be amazed at how much I
> would. Obviously her need to rush into having kids should have been me
> saying no as we were never that stable of a couple. We've both accepted
> things are over and she keeps saying thingas need to change, which when I
> asked her wtf she wants she wants the kids, house, money and car and me to
> leave ... lovely. I don't want to house, car, money its the kids that 
> matter
> to me. I want to know if legally I can have custody of them ?
>
> I have made a deep mistake in being with her and am now paying, but I need
> straighten this out and get on with life.
>
> Be glad of any advice ?
>
> Thanks kindly.
>
>
>

For a start:
1.  Ensure you have Parental Responsibility (PR)
2.  Keep records of ALL monies you have given/give her  (cheque
stubbs, bank statements etc record it all)
3.  Keep a diary of everything that happens/is said in your family
4.  Make an appointment at your local Citizens Advice Bureau (CAB)
for free advice on the whole situation.

Sorry to tell you Big Toe  but your girlfriend is in a position to
take you to the cleaners  and f**k your life for you - in this country
women can do that, and are handsomely rewarded for their efforts.
Doing nothing is not an option.  Good luck.

Courts dont  really go much for supporting applications of dads getting 
residency of the kids, so its unlikley that you would succeed - its not to 
say it wont happen, but particularly as the children are so young, the best 
you could hope for is joint residency.

And that applies in the eyes of the court...but not in the eyes of the CSA. 
Even if you had joint residency of the children, you could be liable to pay 
child support.

So if this situation does result in your going separate ways, and joint 
residency is agreed - i would suggest you apply for child benefit for one of 
the children so at least you are deemed to be a PWC for one child at least.

You may benefit from talking to groups such as families need fathers as they 
will help you with other aspects of separation.

NACSA CHAIR

-- 
WHEN CSA GET IT WRONG...NACSA PUT IT RIGHT!!! www.nacsa.co.uk PO BOX 4454, 
Dudley West Midlands, DY1 9AN  FAX 01384 343966
Disclaimer: the content of this email is based upon information supplied and
is subject to errors and omissions
"BigToe"  wrote in message 
news:f4ml38$i8m$1@aioe.org...
> This is just about on topic. (legal bit of who gets the kids)
>
> At a bit of a moral dilema with my life. I'll start from the begining... 
> ok
> well I've been with my girlfriend for about 4 1/2 years and we have a 1 
> year
> old and a 3 year old. We live together. I work part time, shes stays at 
> home
> doing the mum routine then when I'm home I step on every toe and am told
> don't do this don't do that with the kids. She says she doesn't love me
> anymore and says she doesn't think I really love her. I'm starting to 
> think
> why the hell we're together, I think I just keep things ticking over for 
> the
> kids sake so they have a nice family home well so they think. I feel so
> stuck in a rut that she really p's me off. I bust my back working hard, to
> provide her and the kids all they need. She keep saying things need to
> change, she wants to start living apart which would absolutely devastate 
> the
> kids and I would miss the an auwful lot, you'd be amazed at how much I
> would. Obviously her need to rush into having kids should have been me
> saying no as we were never that stable of a couple. We've both accepted
> things are over and she keeps saying thingas need to change, which when I
> asked her wtf she wants she wants the kids, house, money and car and me to
> leave ... lovely. I don't want to house, car, money its the kids that 
> matter
> to me. I want to know if legally I can have custody of them ?
>
> I have made a deep mistake in being with her and am now paying, but I need
> straighten this out and get on with life.
>
> Be glad of any advice ?
>
> Thanks kindly.
>
>
>

These things happen all too frequently.

Try and keep your relationship as "friendly" as possible, Don't go to war, 
or fight or argue if you can at all help it and any time your tempted to say 
something that might interfere with that remember this:-

She has complete power over how your relationship with your children is 
going to progress. If she took it into her head  not to let you see the kids 
ever again, that would be the end of it. I know you think I'm crazy but 
believe me, your chance of getting custody in a court is almost nil and if 
you make the slightest effort to go in that direction in all probability 
your Ex to be will declare total and absolute war on you so tread very 
carefully, accept that she's going to be the primary carer and try and come 
to some easy agreements about how you both can bringing up the kids. try too 
to sort out the money side of things so you don't have to deal with the 
Gestapo.


"BigToe"  wrote in message 
news:f4ml38$i8m$1@aioe.org...
> This is just about on topic. (legal bit of who gets the kids)
>
> At a bit of a moral dilema with my life. I'll start from the begining... 
> ok
> well I've been with my girlfriend for about 4 1/2 years and we have a 1 
> year
> old and a 3 year old. We live together. I work part time, shes stays at 
> home
> doing the mum routine then when I'm home I step on every toe and am told
> don't do this don't do that with the kids. She says she doesn't love me
> anymore and says she doesn't think I really love her. I'm starting to 
> think
> why the hell we're together, I think I just keep things ticking over for 
> the
> kids sake so they have a nice family home well so they think. I feel so
> stuck in a rut that she really p's me off. I bust my back working hard, to
> provide her and the kids all they need. She keep saying things need to
> change, she wants to start living apart which would absolutely devastate 
> the
> kids and I would miss the an auwful lot, you'd be amazed at how much I
> would. Obviously her need to rush into having kids should have been me
> saying no as we were never that stable of a couple. We've both accepted
> things are over and she keeps saying thingas need to change, which when I
> asked her wtf she wants she wants the kids, house, money and car and me to
> leave ... lovely. I don't want to house, car, money its the kids that 
> matter
> to me. I want to know if legally I can have custody of them ?
>
> I have made a deep mistake in being with her and am now paying, but I need
> straighten this out and get on with life.
>
> Be glad of any advice ?
>
> Thanks kindly.
>
>
>

For a start:
1.  Ensure you have Parental Responsibility (PR)
2.  Keep records of ALL monies you have given/give her  (cheque
stubbs, bank statements etc record it all)
3.  Keep a diary of everything that happens/is said in your family
4.  Make an appointment at your local Citizens Advice Bureau (CAB)
for free advice on the whole situation.

Sorry to tell you Big Toe  but your girlfriend is in a position to
take you to the cleaners  and f**k your life for you - in this country
women can do that, and are handsomely rewarded for their efforts.
Doing nothing is not an option.  Good luck.

Courts dont  really go much for supporting applications of dads getting 
residency of the kids, so its unlikley that you would succeed - its not to 
say it wont happen, but particularly as the children are so young, the best 
you could hope for is joint residency.

And that applies in the eyes of the court...but not in the eyes of the CSA. 
Even if you had joint residency of the children, you could be liable to pay 
child support.

So if this situation does result in your going separate ways, and joint 
residency is agreed - i would suggest you apply for child benefit for one of 
the children so at least you are deemed to be a PWC for one child at least.

You may benefit from talking to groups such as families need fathers as they 
will help you with other aspects of separation.

NACSA CHAIR

-- 
WHEN CSA GET IT WRONG...NACSA PUT IT RIGHT!!! www.nacsa.co.uk PO BOX 4454, 
Dudley West Midlands, DY1 9AN  FAX 01384 343966
Disclaimer: the content of this email is based upon information supplied and
is subject to errors and omissions
"BigToe"  wrote in message 
news:f4ml38$i8m$1@aioe.org...
> This is just about on topic. (legal bit of who gets the kids)
>
> At a bit of a moral dilema with my life. I'll start from the begining... 
> ok
> well I've been with my girlfriend for about 4 1/2 years and we have a 1 
> year
> old and a 3 year old. We live together. I work part time, shes stays at 
> home
> doing the mum routine then when I'm home I step on every toe and am told
> don't do this don't do that with the kids. She says she doesn't love me
> anymore and says she doesn't think I really love her. I'm starting to 
> think
> why the hell we're together, I think I just keep things ticking over for 
> the
> kids sake so they have a nice family home well so they think. I feel so
> stuck in a rut that she really p's me off. I bust my back working hard, to
> provide her and the kids all they need. She keep saying things need to
> change, she wants to start living apart which would absolutely devastate 
> the
> kids and I would miss the an auwful lot, you'd be amazed at how much I
> would. Obviously her need to rush into having kids should have been me
> saying no as we were never that stable of a couple. We've both accepted
> things are over and she keeps saying thingas need to change, which when I
> asked her wtf she wants she wants the kids, house, money and car and me to
> leave ... lovely. I don't want to house, car, money its the kids that 
> matter
> to me. I want to know if legally I can have custody of them ?
>
> I have made a deep mistake in being with her and am now paying, but I need
> straighten this out and get on with life.
>
> Be glad of any advice ?
>
> Thanks kindly.
>
>
>

These things happen all too frequently.

Try and keep your relationship as "friendly" as possible, Don't go to war, 
or fight or argue if you can at all help it and any time your tempted to say 
something that might interfere with that remember this:-

She has complete power over how your relationship with your children is 
going to progress. If she took it into her head  not to let you see the kids 
ever again, that would be the end of it. I know you think I'm crazy but 
believe me, your chance of getting custody in a court is almost nil and if 
you make the slightest effort to go in that direction in all probability 
your Ex to be will declare total and absolute war on you so tread very 
carefully, accept that she's going to be the primary carer and try and come 
to some easy agreements about how you both can bringing up the kids. try too 
to sort out the money side of things so you don't have to deal with the 
Gestapo.


"BigToe"  wrote in message 
news:f4ml38$i8m$1@aioe.org...
> This is just about on topic. (legal bit of who gets the kids)
>
> At a bit of a moral dilema with my life. I'll start from the begining... 
> ok
> well I've been with my girlfriend for about 4 1/2 years and we have a 1 
> year
> old and a 3 year old. We live together. I work part time, shes stays at 
> home
> doing the mum routine then when I'm home I step on every toe and am told
> don't do this don't do that with the kids. She says she doesn't love me
> anymore and says she doesn't think I really love her. I'm starting to 
> think
> why the hell we're together, I think I just keep things ticking over for 
> the
> kids sake so they have a nice family home well so they think. I feel so
> stuck in a rut that she really p's me off. I bust my back working hard, to
> provide her and the kids all they need. She keep saying things need to
> change, she wants to start living apart which would absolutely devastate 
> the
> kids and I would miss the an auwful lot, you'd be amazed at how much I
> would. Obviously her need to rush into having kids should have been me
> saying no as we were never that stable of a couple. We've both accepted
> things are over and she keeps saying thingas need to change, which when I
> asked her wtf she wants she wants the kids, house, money and car and me to
> leave ... lovely. I don't want to house, car, money its the kids that 
> matter
> to me. I want to know if legally I can have custody of them ?
>
> I have made a deep mistake in being with her and am now paying, but I need
> straighten this out and get on with life.
>
> Be glad of any advice ?
>
> Thanks kindly.
>
>
>

For a start:
1.  Ensure you have Parental Responsibility (PR)
2.  Keep records of ALL monies you have given/give her  (cheque
stubbs, bank statements etc record it all)
3.  Keep a diary of everything that happens/is said in your family
4.  Make an appointment at your local Citizens Advice Bureau (CAB)
for free advice on the whole situation.

Sorry to tell you Big Toe  but your girlfriend is in a position to
take you to the cleaners  and f**k your life for you - in this country
women can do that, and are handsomely rewarded for their efforts.
Doing nothing is not an option.  Good luck.

Courts dont  really go much for supporting applications of dads getting 
residency of the kids, so its unlikley that you would succeed - its not to 
say it wont happen, but particularly as the children are so young, the best 
you could hope for is joint residency.

And that applies in the eyes of the court...but not in the eyes of the CSA. 
Even if you had joint residency of the children, you could be liable to pay 
child support.

So if this situation does result in your going separate ways, and joint 
residency is agreed - i would suggest you apply for child benefit for one of 
the children so at least you are deemed to be a PWC for one child at least.

You may benefit from talking to groups such as families need fathers as they 
will help you with other aspects of separation.

NACSA CHAIR

-- 
WHEN CSA GET IT WRONG...NACSA PUT IT RIGHT!!! www.nacsa.co.uk PO BOX 4454, 
Dudley West Midlands, DY1 9AN  FAX 01384 343966
Disclaimer: the content of this email is based upon information supplied and
is subject to errors and omissions
"BigToe"  wrote in message 
news:f4ml38$i8m$1@aioe.org...
> This is just about on topic. (legal bit of who gets the kids)
>
> At a bit of a moral dilema with my life. I'll start from the begining... 
> ok
> well I've been with my girlfriend for about 4 1/2 years and we have a 1 
> year
> old and a 3 year old. We live together. I work part time, shes stays at 
> home
> doing the mum routine then when I'm home I step on every toe and am told
> don't do this don't do that with the kids. She says she doesn't love me
> anymore and says she doesn't think I really love her. I'm starting to 
> think
> why the hell we're together, I think I just keep things ticking over for 
> the
> kids sake so they have a nice family home well so they think. I feel so
> stuck in a rut that she really p's me off. I bust my back working hard, to
> provide her and the kids all they need. She keep saying things need to
> change, she wants to start living apart which would absolutely devastate 
> the
> kids and I would miss the an auwful lot, you'd be amazed at how much I
> would. Obviously her need to rush into having kids should have been me
> saying no as we were never that stable of a couple. We've both accepted
> things are over and she keeps saying thingas need to change, which when I
> asked her wtf she wants she wants the kids, house, money and car and me to
> leave ... lovely. I don't want to house, car, money its the kids that 
> matter
> to me. I want to know if legally I can have custody of them ?
>
> I have made a deep mistake in being with her and am now paying, but I need
> straighten this out and get on with life.
>
> Be glad of any advice ?
>
> Thanks kindly.
>
>
>

These things happen all too frequently.

Try and keep your relationship as "friendly" as possible, Don't go to war, 
or fight or argue if you can at all help it and any time your tempted to say 
something that might interfere with that remember this:-

She has complete power over how your relationship with your children is 
going to progress. If she took it into her head  not to let you see the kids 
ever again, that would be the end of it. I know you think I'm crazy but 
believe me, your chance of getting custody in a court is almost nil and if 
you make the slightest effort to go in that direction in all probability 
your Ex to be will declare total and absolute war on you so tread very 
carefully, accept that she's going to be the primary carer and try and come 
to some easy agreements about how you both can bringing up the kids. try too 
to sort out the money side of things so you don't have to deal with the 
Gestapo.


"BigToe"  wrote in message 
news:f4ml38$i8m$1@aioe.org...
> This is just about on topic. (legal bit of who gets the kids)
>
> At a bit of a moral dilema with my life. I'll start from the begining... 
> ok
> well I've been with my girlfriend for about 4 1/2 years and we have a 1 
> year
> old and a 3 year old. We live together. I work part time, shes stays at 
> home
> doing the mum routine then when I'm home I step on every toe and am told
> don't do this don't do that with the kids. She says she doesn't love me
> anymore and says she doesn't think I really love her. I'm starting to 
> think
> why the hell we're together, I think I just keep things ticking over for 
> the
> kids sake so they have a nice family home well so they think. I feel so
> stuck in a rut that she really p's me off. I bust my back working hard, to
> provide her and the kids all they need. She keep saying things need to
> change, she wants to start living apart which would absolutely devastate 
> the
> kids and I would miss the an auwful lot, you'd be amazed at how much I
> would. Obviously her need to rush into having kids should have been me
> saying no as we were never that stable of a couple. We've both accepted
> things are over and she keeps saying thingas need to change, which when I
> asked her wtf she wants she wants the kids, house, money and car and me to
> leave ... lovely. I don't want to house, car, money its the kids that 
> matter
> to me. I want to know if legally I can have custody of them ?
>
> I have made a deep mistake in being with her and am now paying, but I need
> straighten this out and get on with life.
>
> Be glad of any advice ?
>
> Thanks kindly.
>
>
>

For a start:
1.  Ensure you have Parental Responsibility (PR)
2.  Keep records of ALL monies you have given/give her  (cheque
stubbs, bank statements etc record it all)
3.  Keep a diary of everything that happens/is said in your family
4.  Make an appointment at your local Citizens Advice Bureau (CAB)
for free advice on the whole situation.

Sorry to tell you Big Toe  but your girlfriend is in a position to
take you to the cleaners  and f**k your life for you - in this country
women can do that, and are handsomely rewarded for their efforts.
Doing nothing is not an option.  Good luck.

Courts dont  really go much for supporting applications of dads getting 
residency of the kids, so its unlikley that you would succeed - its not to 
say it wont happen, but particularly as the children are so young, the best 
you could hope for is joint residency.

And that applies in the eyes of the court...but not in the eyes of the CSA. 
Even if you had joint residency of the children, you could be liable to pay 
child support.

So if this situation does result in your going separate ways, and joint 
residency is agreed - i would sugges