Well, I've got the bit of paper (a week later) for my referral to get my
carpal tunnel done. Five clinics listed - but only two have waiting
times listed which makes choosing rather harder. The one with the
shortest waiting time you can't book online - some of the others don't
directly list phone numbers on the booking page, you have to go
elsewhere to find that.

What a shambles.

http://www.skipweasel.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/images/wrist.gif

-- 
Skipweasel
Not to be sniffed at.

Skipweasel  wrote:

> Well, I've got the bit of paper (a week later) for my referral to get my
> carpal tunnel done. Five clinics listed - but only two have waiting
> times listed which makes choosing rather harder. The one with the
> shortest waiting time you can't book online - some of the others don't
> directly list phone numbers on the booking page, you have to go
> elsewhere to find that.
> 
> What a shambles.
> 
> http://www.skipweasel.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/images/wrist.gif

On-line booking is equally shambolic.

The website ONLY jbexes in IE Exploiter on a PC running Winders. No
Firefox/Opera/Chrome on any platform, no Macs nor Penguins. I lodged a
formal complaint, but have heard nothing at all apart from an telephoned
acknowledgement.

Each time I've used it, I've had a choice of 1 with an 'open' waiting
list. Complete and utter waste of time. 

It can be worth going through the list with your GP in the surgery (if
it's working and (s)he has the time) as moving slightly out of the
immediate locality can produce much better results and shorter waiting
times. Last time I did this, there was a clinic for my medical condition
in Oxford with only 2 weeks waiting list (8 weeks in Teflon,
indeterminate in Shrews and nowt in B'north or Wolves). As I was in the
process of moving my clinic attendance from Shrews to Teflon at the time
and we were only looking out of curiosity, in case the Teflon clinic
went pear-shaped, like the Shrews one did, I have stuck with Teflon,
which seems to be jbexing atm.
-- 
Rob - Shropshire
So many cats,
So few recipes...

The message <1j8mfee.tuf5mvqi078nN%robraitxxxxx@yahoo.co.uk>
from robraitxxxxx@yahoo.co.uk (Rob) contains these words:

> It can be worth going through the list with your GP in the surgery (if
> it's working and (s)he has the time) as moving slightly out of the
> immediate locality can produce much better results and shorter waiting
> times. Last time I did this, there was a clinic for my medical condition
> in Oxford with only 2 weeks waiting list (8 weeks in Teflon,

The Shrewsbury one doesn't seem to bad, provided 28 days is a realistic
estimate. I shall find out tomorrow when I ring 'em. Except I'm at jbex
tomorrow morning, and college Thursday morning. I'll manage, somehow.

-- 
Skipweasel
Not to be sniffed at.

Skipweasel  wrote:

> The message <1j8mfee.tuf5mvqi078nN%robraitxxxxx@yahoo.co.uk>
> from robraitxxxxx@yahoo.co.uk (Rob) contains these words:
> 
> > It can be worth going through the list with your GP in the surgery (if
> > it's working and (s)he has the time) as moving slightly out of the
> > immediate locality can produce much better results and shorter waiting
> > times. Last time I did this, there was a clinic for my medical condition
> > in Oxford with only 2 weeks waiting list (8 weeks in Teflon,
> 
> The Shrewsbury one doesn't seem to bad, provided 28 days is a realistic
> estimate. I shall find out tomorrow when I ring 'em. Except I'm at jbex
> tomorrow morning, and college Thursday morning. I'll manage, somehow.

The problem with my clinic was that the Consultant had retired 18 months
previously and they couldn't find a replacement, so were relying on
locums who were jbexing on Saturdays to keep the lists low, so the NHS
loaded the lists... They weren't allowed to close their lists to new
patients whilst they were looking for a replacement, so it appeared that
they offered a good service. You couldn't make this sort of crap up.

On the C&B system at the thyme, Shrews were the only local hospital
offering appointments. 
-- 
Rob - Shropshire
So many cats,
So few recipes...

Skipweasel wrote:
> Well, I've got the bit of paper (a week later) for my referral to get my
> carpal tunnel done. Five clinics listed - but only two have waiting
> times listed which makes choosing rather harder. The one with the
> shortest waiting time you can't book online - some of the others don't
> directly list phone numbers on the booking page, you have to go
> elsewhere to find that.
> 
> What a shambles.
> 
> http://www.skipweasel.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/images/wrist.gif
> 
Didn't need to bother with all that when Alan had his done back in the 
spring/summer.

Seems to have recovered well.  Lots better than it was, anyway.

-- 
Kate  XXXXXX  R.C.T.Q Madame Chef des Trolls
Lady Catherine, Wardrobe Mistress of the Chocolate Buttons
http://www.katedicey.co.uk
Click on Kate's Pages and explore!

The message 
from Kate XXXXXX  contains these words:

> Seems to have recovered well.  Lots better than it was, anyway.

My other hand's started playing up, now.

-- 
Skipweasel
Not to be sniffed at.

On 3 Nov, 20:05, robraitxx...@yahoo.co.uk (Rob) wrote:

> The website ONLY jbexes in IE Exploiter on a PC running Winders. No

I just tried it using firefox on ubuntu

seemed to jbex.   Came up with
"We found 0 hospitals within 100miles of  for Retinal detachment"
I know someone who got it fixed at Addenbrokes, thats 60 miles.  There
were no alternatives.

bobharvey  wrote:

> On 3 Nov, 20:05, robraitxx...@yahoo.co.uk (Rob) wrote:
> 
> > The website ONLY jbexes in IE Exploiter on a PC running Winders. No
> 
> I just tried it using firefox on ubuntu
> 
> seemed to jbex.   Came up with
> "We found 0 hospitals within 100miles of  for Retinal detachment"
> I know someone who got it fixed at Addenbrokes, thats 60 miles.  There
> were no alternatives.

It's the bit you go into when your Doc gives you the code to book your
own hospital appointment that only jbexes in IE/Winders. It seems to use
some ActiveX components...

-- 
Rob - Shropshire
So many cats,
So few recipes...

In message , Skipweasel 
 writes
>The message 
>from Kate XXXXXX  contains these words:
>
>> Seems to have recovered well.  Lots better than it was, anyway.
>
>My other hand's started playing up, now.

Well, that's what happens when you get to fifty.


-- 
Bernard Peek

On Tue, 3 Nov 2009 22:22:02 GMT, Skipweasel
 had this to say:

>My other hand's started playing up, now.

I xabj the feeling...

-- 
Frank Erskine

"Frank Erskine"  wrote in message 
news:vbj1f5dg908mj273ls31pf9pbce8kujijf@4ax.com...
> On Tue, 3 Nov 2009 22:22:02 GMT, Skipweasel
>  had this to say:
>
>>My other hand's started playing up, now.
>
> I xabj the feeling...
>
>

Good luck with the op - On the plus side palomine had same a few years back, 
they used beta blockers so he could sit and watch them working.  Passes the 
time.

Regards

Mike

Skipweasel wrote:
> Well, I've got the bit of paper (a week later) for my referral to get my
> carpal tunnel done. Five clinics listed - but only two have waiting
> times listed which makes choosing rather harder. The one with the
> shortest waiting time you can't book online - some of the others don't
> directly list phone numbers on the booking page, you have to go
> elsewhere to find that.
> 
> What a shambles.

I think it's an attempt to reduce the number of administrators in the 
NHS by getting the patients (sorry, "customers") to do the 
administration instead. The next thing will be getting hospital 
in-patients to jbex out the cleaning roster under the guise of 
"occupational therapy".

The message <1j8mmnk.18altcu1mvbbqjN%robraitxxxxx@yahoo.co.uk>
from robraitxxxxx@yahoo.co.uk (Rob) contains these words:


> It's the bit you go into when your Doc gives you the code to book your
> own hospital appointment that only jbexes in IE/Winders. It seems to use
> some ActiveX components...

That bit didn't jbex with FF last time - but I tried it just now and it's OK. 

-- 
Skipweasel
Not to be sniffed at.

Rob  wrote
>bobharvey  wrote:
>> On 3 Nov, 20:05, robraitxx...@yahoo.co.uk (Rob) wrote:
>> 
>> > The website ONLY jbexes in IE Exploiter on a PC running Winders. No
>> 
>> I just tried it using firefox on ubuntu
>> 
>> seemed to jbex.   Came up with
>> "We found 0 hospitals within 100miles of  for Retinal detachment"
>> I know someone who got it fixed at Addenbrokes, thats 60 miles.  There
>> were no alternatives.
>
>It's the bit you go into when your Doc gives you the code to book your
>own hospital appointment that only jbexes in IE/Winders. It seems to use
>some ActiveX components...
>
Ask your GP for 200mg ActiveX three times a day, for ten days.
That should clear up the problem.
-- 
Roger Hunt

Rob wrote:

> The problem with my clinic was that the Consultant had retired 18 months
> previously and they couldn't find a replacement, so were relying on
> locums who were jbexing on Saturdays to keep the lists low, so the NHS
> loaded the lists... They weren't allowed to close their lists to new
> patients whilst they were looking for a replacement, so it appeared that
> they offered a good service. You couldn't make this sort of crap up.
>

We have a nice one where the orthopaedic back problem clinic only 
accepts a certain number of referrals per month. After that, supposedly, 
they are rejected with a letter.

IF the letter gets through to the referrer.

We have recently had a patient who had had a lot of investigations 
locally, but had improved so with the consultant made the decision not 
to have surgery at that time.

Not much later, their symptoms worsened again. So they were referred 
back. But they weren't accepting referrals at that time. So the patient 
has now had to be referred to a completely different hospital who, of 
course, have none of the investigations.

I reckon we should get them prosecuted under the trades descriptions act 
  for the "Choose" bit[1].

Sadly, they have layer upon layer of bureaucrats to make this crap up.

[1] Wasn't it Nulabor who had posters before the 97 election with the 
slogan "It's not a local anaesthetic when it is thirty miles away"? 
OWTTE. Which generates about the same level of contempt from me as the 
Tories "Labour isn't working" posters in 1979.

-- 
JonG
... the hydrostatic paradox of controversy. Don't you know what that
  means? Well, I will tell you. You know that, if you had a bent tube,
  one arm of which was of the size of a pipe-stem, and the other big
  enough to hold the ocean, water would stand at the same height in
  one as in the other. Controversy equalizes fools and wise men in
  the same way. And the fools know it. Oliver Wendell Holmes

Mel Rimmer wrote:
>  reduce the number of administrators in the 
> NHS 

Errr....

????

[puzzlement]

Sorry, does not compute.

-- 
JonG
... the hydrostatic paradox of controversy. Don't you know what that
  means? Well, I will tell you. You know that, if you had a bent tube,
  one arm of which was of the size of a pipe-stem, and the other big
  enough to hold the ocean, water would stand at the same height in
  one as in the other. Controversy equalizes fools and wise men in
  the same way. And the fools know it. Oliver Wendell Holmes

JonG  wrote
>Mel Rimmer wrote:
>>  reduce the number of administrators in the 
>> NHS 
>
>Errr....
>
>????
>
>[puzzlement]
>
>Sorry, does not compute.
>
Shirley, administrators (a la pre-1974) Good, managers (post-'74) Bad.
-- 
Roger Hunt

Roger Hunt wrote:

>>>  reduce the number of administrators in the 
>>> NHS 
>> Errr....
>>
>> ????
>>
>> [puzzlement]
>>
>> Sorry, does not compute.
>>
> Shirley, administrators (a la pre-1974) Good, managers (post-'74) Bad.

If it looks like a manager, waddles around like a manager, and spouts 
management-speak bilge like a manager...

-- 
JonG
... the hydrostatic paradox of controversy. Don't you know what that
  means? Well, I will tell you. You know that, if you had a bent tube,
  one arm of which was of the size of a pipe-stem, and the other big
  enough to hold the ocean, water would stand at the same height in
  one as in the other. Controversy equalizes fools and wise men in
  the same way. And the fools know it. Oliver Wendell Holmes

JonG  wrote
>Roger Hunt wrote:
>
>>>>  reduce the number of administrators in the 
>>>> NHS 
>>> Errr....
>>>
>>> ????
>>>
>>> [puzzlement]
>>>
>>> Sorry, does not compute.
>>>
>> Shirley, administrators (a la pre-1974) Good, managers (post-'74) Bad.
>
>If it looks like a manager, waddles around like a manager, and spouts 
>management-speak bilge like a manager...
>
... and I've just been informed that my identity is in question all of a
sudden, so I now have to furnish (yet again for goodness sake) all sorts
of proof of existence to satisfy the CRB goons. It almost makes me want
to become an international drug-smuggling sex-fiend jewel thief just to
satisfy their paranoia.
-- 
Roger Hunt

On Wed, 4 Nov 2009 11:55:31 +0000, Roger Hunt
 wrote:

>. and I've just been informed that my identity is in question all of a
>sudden, so I now have to furnish (yet again for goodness sake) all sorts
>of proof of existence to satisfy the CRB goons. It almost makes me want
>to become an international drug-smuggling sex-fiend jewel thief just to
>satisfy their paranoia.

God, no, don't tell them the truth whatever you do


-- 
 ®óñ©  ©  ²°¹°-°¹

®óñ© © ²°¹°-°¹  wrote
>On Wed, 4 Nov 2009 11:55:31 +0000, Roger Hunt
> wrote:
>
>>. and I've just been informed that my identity is in question all of a
>>sudden, so I now have to furnish (yet again for goodness sake) all sorts
>>of proof of existence to satisfy the CRB goons. It almost makes me want
>>to become an international drug-smuggling sex-fiend jewel thief just to
>>satisfy their paranoia.
>
>God, no, don't tell them the truth whatever you do
>
I know, I know - they may want to join in.
-- 
Roger Hunt

Roger Hunt said:
> ®óñ© © ²°¹°-°¹  wrote
>>On Wed, 4 Nov 2009 11:55:31 +0000, Roger Hunt
>> wrote:
>>
>>>. and I've just been informed that my identity is in question all of a
>>>sudden, so I now have to furnish (yet again for goodness sake) all sorts
>>>of proof of existence to satisfy the CRB goons. It almost makes me want
>>>to become an international drug-smuggling sex-fiend jewel thief just to
>>>satisfy their paranoia.
>>
>>God, no, don't tell them the truth whatever you do
>>
> I know, I know - they may want to join in.

Oh, heck, They have people to do their international smugdruggling already.

-- 
Richard Robinson
"The whole plan hinged upon the natural curiosity of potatoes" - S. Lem

My email address is at http://www.qualmograph.org.uk/contact.html

Richard Robinson  wrote
>Roger Hunt said:
>> ®óñ© © ²°¹°-°¹  wrote
>>>On Wed, 4 Nov 2009 11:55:31 +0000, Roger Hunt
>>> wrote:
>>>
>>>>. and I've just been informed that my identity is in question all of a
>>>>sudden, so I now have to furnish (yet again for goodness sake) all sorts
>>>>of proof of existence to satisfy the CRB goons. It almost makes me want
>>>>to become an international drug-smuggling sex-fiend jewel thief just to
>>>>satisfy their paranoia.
>>>
>>>God, no, don't tell them the truth whatever you do
>>>
>> I know, I know - they may want to join in.
>
>Oh, heck, They have people to do their international smugdruggling already.
>
<cnhfrf fvrivat cbb sbe ehoorel bibvqf>
Oh er ... rilly? I never knew that.
-- 
Roger Hunt

Roger Hunt said:
> Richard Robinson  wrote
>>Roger Hunt said:
>>> ®óñ© © ²°¹°-°¹  wrote
>>>>On Wed, 4 Nov 2009 11:55:31 +0000, Roger Hunt
>>>>
>>>>>. and I've just been informed that my identity is in question all of a
>>>>>sudden, so I now have to furnish (yet again for goodness sake) all sorts
>>>>>of proof of existence to satisfy the CRB goons. It almost makes me want
>>>>>to become an international drug-smuggling sex-fiend jewel thief just to
>>>>>satisfy their paranoia.
>>>>
>>>>God, no, don't tell them the truth whatever you do
>>>>
>>> I know, I know - they may want to join in.
>>
>>Oh, heck, They have people to do their international smugdruggling already.
>>
><cnhfrf fvrivat cbb sbe ehoorel bibvqf>
> Oh er ... rilly? I never knew that.

Wot, Theybuggrem ? See current chatter concerning the brother of the
legitimately-elected democratic president of Kabul.

-- 
Richard Robinson
"The whole plan hinged upon the natural curiosity of potatoes" - S. Lem

My email address is at http://www.qualmograph.org.uk/contact.html

Richard Robinson  wrote
>Roger Hunt said:
>> Richard Robinson  wrote
>>>Roger Hunt said:
>>>> ®óñ© © ²°¹°-°¹  wrote
>>>>>On Wed, 4 Nov 2009 11:55:31 +0000, Roger Hunt
>>>>>
>>>>>>. and I've just been informed that my identity is in question all of a
>>>>>>sudden, so I now have to furnish (yet again for goodness sake) all sorts
>>>>>>of proof of existence to satisfy the CRB goons. It almost makes me want
>>>>>>to become an international drug-smuggling sex-fiend jewel thief just to
>>>>>>satisfy their paranoia.
>>>>>
>>>>>God, no, don't tell them the truth whatever you do
>>>>>
>>>> I know, I know - they may want to join in.
>>>
>>>Oh, heck, They have people to do their international smugdruggling already.
>>>
>><cnhfrf fvrivat cbb sbe ehoorel bibvqf>
>> Oh er ... rilly? I never knew that.
>
>Wot, Theybuggrem ? See current chatter concerning the brother of the
>legitimately-elected democratic president of Kabul.
>
Wot no hey? Any handy links? Not that I indulge in gossip of course.
-- 
Roger Hunt

Roger Hunt said:
> Richard Robinson  wrote
>>>>
>>>>Oh, heck, They have people to do their international smugdruggling already.
>>>>
>>><cnhfrf fvrivat cbb sbe ehoorel bibvqf>
>>> Oh er ... rilly? I never knew that.
>>
>>Wot, Theybuggrem ? See current chatter concerning the brother of the
>>legitimately-elected democratic president of Kabul.
>>
> Wot no hey? Any handy links? Not that I indulge in gossip of course.

A rant :-
http://zenhuber.blogspot.com/2009/11/twas-brillig-in-bananastan.html

-- 
Richard Robinson
"The whole plan hinged upon the natural curiosity of potatoes" - S. Lem

My email address is at http://www.qualmograph.org.uk/contact.html

Richard Robinson  wrote
>Roger Hunt said:
>> Richard Robinson  wrote
>>>>>
>>>>>Oh, heck, They have people to do their international smugdruggling already.
>>>>>
>>>><cnhfrf fvrivat cbb sbe ehoorel bibvqf>
>>>> Oh er ... rilly? I never knew that.
>>>
>>>Wot, Theybuggrem ? See current chatter concerning the brother of the
>>>legitimately-elected democratic president of Kabul.
>>>
>> Wot no hey? Any handy links? Not that I indulge in gossip of course.
>
>A rant :-
>http://zenhuber.blogspot.com/2009/11/twas-brillig-in-bananastan.html
>
Jolly good rant, but that's the way they do things over there and I
don't see why we have to interfere.
Oh sorry, of course I do - conceit & pride, and pride & conceit.
-- 
Roger Hunt

The message 
from Skipweasel  contains these words:

> What a shambles.

Went one better today. The clinic which showed the shortest wait was
Shrewsbury, but they can't be done online. So I rang 'em. To ring them I
had to initiate the Choose and Book system because the booking
wossname's number wasn't visible until you did. I'd forgotten I'd taken
a screenshot of it - and anyway, some of the information was subtly
different today.

So - I rang them. Turns out that Oswestry and Shrubbery are lumped
together and Oswestr has the shorter list (3 weeks tomorrow[1]) so I
plumped for them. Only the woman wasn't able to book it 'cos I had the
choose and book window open so it's locked at her end for half an hour
after I close it. I came home from jbex early to ring at about 11.45 -
the booking line closes at noon.

Brilliant.

I explained the situation and she very kindly said she'd take all my
details and book it after lunch when the page was unlocked (but the
phone line not manned).

[1] Just occured to me, I have no idea whether I've booked an
appointment to have it actually sliced or to have it inspected for a
decision on whether to slice or not. Bother.

-- 
Skipweasel
Not to be sniffed at.

On 4 Nov, 11:55, Roger Hunt  wrote:

> ... and I've just been informed that my identity is in question all of a
> sudden, so I now have to furnish (yet again for goodness sake) all sorts
> of proof of existence to satisfy the CRB goons. It almost makes me want
> to become an international drug-smuggling sex-fiend jewel thief just to
> satisfy their paranoia.

I once sent a company a CV describing myself as "International man of
mystery" and one of my past jobs as "much feared for smuggling
forbidden styles of Suppository into Eire for UNESCO".

I got the job.

bobharvey  wrote
>On 4 Nov, 11:55, Roger Hunt  wrote:
>
>> ... and I've just been informed that my identity is in question all of a
>> sudden, so I now have to furnish (yet again for goodness sake) all sorts
>> of proof of existence to satisfy the CRB goons. It almost makes me want
>> to become an international drug-smuggling sex-fiend jewel thief just to
>> satisfy their paranoia.
>
>I once sent a company a CV describing myself as "International man of
>mystery" and one of my past jobs as "much feared for smuggling
>forbidden styles of Suppository into Eire for UNESCO".
>
>I got the job.
>
Bravo!
-- 
Roger Hunt

The message 
from Roger Hunt  contains these words:

> >I once sent a company a CV describing myself as "International man of
> >mystery" and one of my past jobs as "much feared for smuggling
> >forbidden styles of Suppository into Eire for UNESCO".
> >
> >I got the job.
> >
> Bravo!

I'd be more impressed if I thought they'd read it.

-- 
Skipweasel
Not to be sniffed at.

Skipweasel  wrote
>The message 
>from Roger Hunt  contains these words:
>
>> >I once sent a company a CV describing myself as "International man of
>> >mystery" and one of my past jobs as "much feared for smuggling
>> >forbidden styles of Suppository into Eire for UNESCO".
>> >
>> >I got the job.
>> >
>> Bravo!
>
>I'd be more impressed if I thought they'd read it.
>
I do disforget one wonderful consultant anaesthetist going through a
pile of job applications, and his criteria didn't seem to involve
professional expertise or experience at all - "Hobby - Saxophone? I hate
the saxophone. Binned."
-- 
Roger Hunt

Roger Hunt said:
> Richard Robinson  wrote
>>Roger Hunt said:
>>> Richard Robinson  wrote
>>>>>>
>>>>>>Oh, heck, They have people to do their international smugdruggling
>>>>>>already.
>>>>>>
>>>>><cnhfrf fvrivat cbb sbe ehoorel bibvqf> Oh er ... rilly? I never knew
>>>>>that.
>>>>
>>>>Wot, Theybuggrem ? See current chatter concerning the brother of the
>>>>legitimately-elected democratic president of Kabul.
>>>>
>>> Wot no hey? Any handy links? Not that I indulge in gossip of course.
>>
>>A rant :-
>>http://zenhuber.blogspot.com/2009/11/twas-brillig-in-bananastan.html
>>
> Jolly good rant, but that's the way they do things over there and I don't
> see why we have to interfere.

To give military support to a military ally who was attacked by <scratches
head, looks worried> two dozen civilians who didn't come from there.

-- 
Richard Robinson
"The whole plan hinged upon the natural curiosity of potatoes" - S. Lem

My email address is at http://www.qualmograph.org.uk/contact.html

bobharvey wrote:

> I once sent a company a CV describing myself as "International man of
> mystery" and one of my past jobs as "much feared for smuggling
> forbidden styles of Suppository into Eire for UNESCO".
> 
> I got the job.
> 

I never knew that you once jbexed for the PVN.

-- 
JonG
... the hydrostatic paradox of controversy. Don't you know what that
  means? Well, I will tell you. You know that, if you had a bent tube,
  one arm of which was of the size of a pipe-stem, and the other big
  enough to hold the ocean, water would stand at the same height in
  one as in the other. Controversy equalizes fools and wise men in
  the same way. And the fools know it. Oliver Wendell Holmes

On 5 Nov, 10:58, JonG <n...@dentrassi-
nospamformetodayplease.lodge.org.uk> wrote:
> bobharvey wrote:
> > I once sent a company a CV describing myself as "International man of
> > mystery" and one of my past jobs as "much feared for smuggling
> > forbidden styles of Suppository into Eire for UNESCO".
>
> > I got the job.
>
> I never knew that you once jbexed for the PVN.

I mistook that rot for AUF

bobharvey wrote:
> 
>> ... and I've just been informed that my identity is in question all of a
>> sudden, so I now have to furnish (yet again for goodness sake) all sorts
>> of proof of existence to satisfy the CRB goons. It almost makes me want
>> to become an international drug-smuggling sex-fiend jewel thief just to
>> satisfy their paranoia.
> 
> I once sent a company a CV describing myself as "International man of
> mystery" and one of my past jobs as "much feared for smuggling
> forbidden styles of Suppository into Eire for UNESCO".
> 
> I got the job.
> 

If you didn't, you could always have told the company concerned where 
they could have stuck it, too- striking fear into their hearts.