Fights start in pubs and bar-rooms over the world for unexpected reasons. 
Fill in your own dialect.

Harry and Bert were hauled into court, accused of indecent conduct. A woman 
had reported that they had used foul, vile and obscene language in public. 
Harry testified: "I wuz down in the manhole fixin' a broken lead joint and 
Bert was up on the walk, heating the lead. When he handed down the pot, he 
slipped and the hot lead spilled down my neck and into my collar. Your 
honor, I looked up and Bert was laughing, so I chastised him. I said, 'Bert, 
do be more careful.'"

OR

Will and Mike were lifelong friends and met every Wednesday evening at their 
local pub for a pint and conversation. One Wednesday, Will remembered he was 
supposed to deliver a urine specimen to the lab, but when he got there it 
was already closed. So he took the jar with him when he went to meet Mike. 
The barkeep reported to the police, who were called when the two began to 
hit each other, that he had no idea what had happened between the two old 
friends. So they asked Will for his version. Will said, "I came into the 
place and there was my friend Mike, already at the bar, so I joined him. He 
asked me what was in my jar and I didn't want him making fun of me so I told 
him it was none of his business. He insisted and I still told him it was 
none of his business. Then he threatened to bust my nose if I didn't tell 
him, so I said, 'piss'. 'Oh, piss is it?' he yelled and swung at me. 'Shit' 
I called him and swung at him. We were going at it when the police arrived."

Leon

"Leon"  wrote in message 
news:Eqazk.38551$Mh5.38357@bgtnsc04-news.ops.worldnet.att.net...
> Fights start in pubs and bar-rooms over the world for unexpected reasons. 
> Fill in your own dialect.
>
> Harry and Bert were hauled into court, accused of indecent conduct. A 
> woman had reported that they had used foul, vile and obscene language in 
> public. Harry testified: "I wuz down in the manhole fixin' a broken lead 
> joint and Bert was up on the walk, heating the lead. When he handed down 
> the pot, he slipped and the hot lead spilled down my neck and into my 
> collar. Your honor, I looked up and Bert was laughing, so I chastised him. 
> I said, 'Bert, do be more careful.'"
>
> OR
>
> Will and Mike were lifelong friends and met every Wednesday evening at 
> their local pub for a pint and conversation. One Wednesday, Will 
> remembered he was supposed to deliver a urine specimen to the lab, but 
> when he got there it was already closed. So he took the jar with him when 
> he went to meet Mike. The barkeep reported to the police, who were called 
> when the two began to hit each other, that he had no idea what had 
> happened between the two old friends. So they asked Will for his version. 
> Will said, "I came into the place and there was my friend Mike, already at 
> the bar, so I joined him. He asked me what was in my jar and I didn't want 
> him making fun of me so I told him it was none of his business. He 
> insisted and I still told him it was none of his business. Then he 
> threatened to bust my nose if I didn't tell him, so I said, 'piss'. 'Oh, 
> piss is it?' he yelled and swung at me. 'Shit' I called him and swung at 
> him. We were going at it when the police arrived."
>
> Leon

  and?..............................
>
>
>

"phylkat"  wrote in message 
news:cyezk.60644$eJ.8432@newsfe17.ams2...
>
> "Leon"  wrote in message 
> news:Eqazk.38551$Mh5.38357@bgtnsc04-news.ops.worldnet.att.net...
>> Fights start in pubs and bar-rooms over the world for unexpected reasons. 
>> Fill in your own dialect.
>>
>> Harry and Bert were hauled into court, accused of indecent conduct. A 
>> woman had reported that they had used foul, vile and obscene language in 
>> public. Harry testified: "I wuz down in the manhole fixin' a broken lead 
>> joint and Bert was up on the walk, heating the lead. When he handed down 
>> the pot, he slipped and the hot lead spilled down my neck and into my 
>> collar. Your honor, I looked up and Bert was laughing, so I chastised 
>> him. I said, 'Bert, do be more careful.'"
>>
>> OR
>>
>> Will and Mike were lifelong friends and met every Wednesday evening at 
>> their local pub for a pint and conversation. One Wednesday, Will 
>> remembered he was supposed to deliver a urine specimen to the lab, but 
>> when he got there it was already closed. So he took the jar with him when 
>> he went to meet Mike. The barkeep reported to the police, who were called 
>> when the two began to hit each other, that he had no idea what had 
>> happened between the two old friends. So they asked Will for his version. 
>> Will said, "I came into the place and there was my friend Mike, already 
>> at the bar, so I joined him. He asked me what was in my jar and I didn't 
>> want him making fun of me so I told him it was none of his business. He 
>> insisted and I still told him it was none of his business. Then he 
>> threatened to bust my nose if I didn't tell him, so I said, 'piss'. 'Oh, 
>> piss is it?' he yelled and swung at me. 'Shit' I called him and swung at 
>> him. We were going at it when the police arrived."
>>
>> Leon
>
>  and?..............................
>>

Obviously we have an unsatisfied customer here. Refund the ticket, Willie.

Leon

"moghouse"  wrote in message 
news:633a5bc1-28ef-4da7-b66a-ed0d1d8a3f38@8g2000hse.googlegroups.com...
On Sep 15, 2:43 am, "Leon"  wrote:

>
> > and?..............................
>
> Obviously we have an unsatisfied customer here. Refund the ticket, Willie.

....and $5,000 compensation, please!

We will apply the credit toward the cost of replacing the toilet bowl and 
seat you broke, the artificial flowers you ate, the replacement of the door 
to the kitchen you tore off the hinges when your soup was cold and the 
barmaid's costume you stretched when you put it on.

Leon

On Sep 15, 3:35 pm, "Leon"  wrote:
>
> ....and $5,000 compensation, please!
>
> We will apply the credit toward the cost of replacing the toilet bowl and
> seat you broke, the artificial flowers you ate, the replacement of the door
> to the kitchen you tore off the hinges when your soup was cold and the
> barmaid's costume you stretched when you put it on.

Did I really? Honestly I don't remember a thing after the second
Budweiser.

"moghouse"  wrote in message 
news:94828d35-f3cb-44bb-b8b5-1b22b6c8dd8f@l43g2000hsh.googlegroups.com...
On Sep 15, 3:35 pm, "Leon"  wrote:
>
> ....and $5,000 compensation, please!
>
> We will apply the credit toward the cost of replacing the toilet bowl and
> seat you broke, the artificial flowers you ate, the replacement of the 
> door
> to the kitchen you tore off the hinges when your soup was cold and the
> barmaid's costume you stretched when you put it on.

>Did I really? Honestly I don't remember a thing after the second
>Budweiser.

That's another thing I would like to talk with you about.
That wasn't Budweiser. That was a urine sample I took from my prize Jersey 
cow to have analyzed for parasites.
You may be interested in knowing that I took another sample and she does, 
indeed, have parasites in her urine.

Leon

On Sep 15, 5:32 pm, "Leon"  wrote:
>
> That's another thing I would like to talk with you about.
> That wasn't Budweiser. That was a urine sample I took from my prize Jersey
> cow to have analyzed for parasites.
> You may be interested in knowing that I took another sample and she does,
> indeed, have parasites in her urine.

How was I to know - Bud always did taste like piss. So now I want
another $5,000 compensation for the parasites. My lawyer says thank
you for the admission!

"moghouse"  wrote in message 
news:957e7165-b8e3-4420-b743-81ebe2159fd4@m44g2000hsc.googlegroups.com...
On Sep 15, 5:32 pm, "Leon"  wrote:
>
>> That's another thing I would like to talk with you about.
>> That wasn't Budweiser. That was a urine sample I took from my prize 
>> Jersey
> >cow to have analyzed for parasites.
> >You may be interested in knowing that I took another sample and she does,
> >indeed, have parasites in her urine.

>How was I to know - Bud always did taste like piss. So now I want
>another $5,000 compensation for the parasites. My lawyer says thank
>you for the admission!

Have him get in touch with my lawyer, who is currently defending OJ Simpson. 
You may not know it, but Simpson has spent all of his time searching for the 
murderer of his ex-wife. This trial for armed robbery and kidnapping has 
hampered him in his quest for justice.

Leon

"Leon"  wrote in message 
news:7jBzk.39979$Mh5.31138@bgtnsc04-news.ops.worldnet.att.net...
>
> "moghouse"  wrote in message 
> news:957e7165-b8e3-4420-b743-81ebe2159fd4@m44g2000hsc.googlegroups.com...
> On Sep 15, 5:32 pm, "Leon"  wrote:
>>
>>> That's another thing I would like to talk with you about.
>>> That wasn't Budweiser. That was a urine sample I took from my prize 
>>> Jersey
>> >cow to have analyzed for parasites.
>> >You may be interested in knowing that I took another sample and she 
>> >does,
>> >indeed, have parasites in her urine.
>
>>How was I to know - Bud always did taste like piss. So now I want
>>another $5,000 compensation for the parasites. My lawyer says thank
>>you for the admission!
>
> Have him get in touch with my lawyer, who is currently defending OJ 
> Simpson. You may not know it, but Simpson has spent all of his time 
> searching for the murderer of his ex-wife. This trial for armed robbery 
> and kidnapping has hampered him in his quest for justice.
>
> Leon

  LOVE IT- love it boys..carry on, I'll bring the sandwiches.  xx
>
>

On Sep 15, 11:27 pm, "Leon"  wrote:

> Have him get in touch with my lawyer, who is currently defending OJ Simpson.
> You may not know it, but Simpson has spent all of his time searching for the
> murderer of his ex-wife. This trial for armed robbery and kidnapping has
> hampered him in his quest for justice.

Well I think that nice Mr Simpson was framed.......by Lord Lucan.

"phylkat"  wrote >
>  LOVE IT- love it boys..carry on, I'll bring the sandwiches.  xx
>>

Very good, phyl, but I'm not drinking any of the beer.

Leon

I recall sitting in a pub in Manchester when two old timers began a 
conversation.

Behind the bar was a large portrait of Gladstone. Mike said, "'O's 'e?" and 
started the fight.

Mike: 'O's 'e?
Oscar: 'O's 'o?
M: The man in the pitcher.
O: That's Gladstone.
M: Wot did 'e ever do?
O: 'E wuz the greatest Prime Minister Hengland ever 'ad.
Pause
M. 'o was?
O: The man in the pitcher.
M: Wot's 'is name?
O: That is GLAD_STONE, damn ya, GLADSTONE.
Pause
M: Wot did 'e ever do?
O: 'O?
M: The man in the fecking pitcher.
O: One more word outta you and I'll show you wot 'e ever did.

And the fight was on.

Leon