We are about to enter the BBQ season; therefore it is important to refresh 
your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking activity. When 
a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are set in 
motion:

Routine

(1) The woman buys the food.

(2) The woman makes the salad, mixes the sauces, prepares the vegetables, 
and makes the dessert.

(3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, seasons it, places it on a tray 
along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the 
man who is lounging beside the grill - beer in hand.

(4) The woman remains outside the compulsory two meter exclusion zone where 
the exuberance of testosterone and other manly bonding activities can take 
place without the interference of womankind.

Here comes the important part:-

(5) THE MAN PUTS THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.

Minor background routine.

(6) The woman goes inside to organize the plates, the cutlery and the 
napkins.

(7) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is looking great. He 
thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he turns the meat.

Important again:

(8)  THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.

More minor background routine.

(9) The woman collects the plates, salad, bread rolls, butter, utensils, 
napkins, sauces, and brings them to the table and does the serving.

(10) After the meal, the woman clears the table, does the washing up and 
puts everything away.

And most important of all:

(11) Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his great cooking 
abilities.

(12) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed 'her night off.' Upon seeing the 
look on her face, he concludes that   "there's just no pleasing some 
women"..

-- 
Bully
Protein bars: http://www.proteinbars.co.uk

"A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the 
opportunity in every difficulty."
Sir Winston Churchill

On Thu, 19 Jun 2008 19:46:10 +0100, "Bully" 
wrote:

>We are about to enter the BBQ season; therefore it is important to refresh 
>your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking activity. When 
>a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are set in 
>motion:
>
>Routine
>
>(1) The woman buys the food.
>
>(2) The woman makes the salad, mixes the sauces, prepares the vegetables, 
>and makes the dessert.

Not the sauce. A woman cannot possibly make a proper barbecue sauce. It
simply cannot be.

>(3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, seasons it, places it on a tray 
>along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the 
>man who is lounging beside the grill - beer in hand.

Women cannot prepare the meat. This involves rubbing with a secret blend
of spices and herbs, to which no mere female could ever become privy.

>(4) The woman remains outside the compulsory two meter exclusion zone where 
>the exuberance of testosterone and other manly bonding activities can take 
>place without the interference of womankind.
>
>Here comes the important part:-
>
>(5) THE MAN PUTS THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.
>
>Minor background routine.
>
>(6) The woman goes inside to organize the plates, the cutlery and the 
>napkins.
>
>(7) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is looking great. He 
>thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he turns the meat.
>
>Important again:
>
>(8)  THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.

This sounds more like grilling than barbecuing. To barbecue is to cook
with hot smoke. This can take several hours. Grilling involves cooking
meat over flame or hot coals, and is accomplished in well under an hour,
often only a few minutes. But yes, if she is a good wife, the man might
entrust her with the meat from this point onward.

>More minor background routine.
>
>(9) The woman collects the plates, salad, bread rolls, butter, utensils, 
>napkins, sauces, and brings them to the table and does the serving.
>
>(10) After the meal, the woman clears the table, does the washing up and 
>puts everything away.
>
>And most important of all:
>
>(11) Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his great cooking 
>abilities.

Well, if there is anything to praise. Non-Texan men are usually no more
qualified to barbecue than are women. Exceptions do exist, so YMMV.

>(12) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed 'her night off.' Upon seeing the 
>look on her face, he concludes that   "there's just no pleasing some 
>women"..

It is generally felt to be permissible to use paper plates, paper
napkins, etc for barbecue, particularly if it is to be consumed
outdoors. Hence, dishwashing is minimized. And the man should clean the
barbecue pit. (Eventually.) A gentleman never forces his wife to clean
the barbecue pit. A mere grill, sure... why not? But cleaning a proper
barbecue pit is a man's job, requiring a stiff steel brush, steel wool,
propane torch, a stout scraper and lots of beer... at least a 12 pack.
Most women cannot drink that much beer due to their smaller stomachs.

Cooking chile con carne is also the man's responsibility and perogative.
Even though this is often cooked indoors, this is not work to be
entrusted to women. The art of cooking chili is a manly one, and only
the butchest of dykes dare to attempt it. The same for boiling crabs,
shrimp, or crawfish. Boiled seafood is easily overcooked, (shrimp should
only boil for 4-5 minutes, crabs and crawfish for about 7 or 8 minutes)
and so the water must be spiced to the point where the fairer sex will
pass out from the vapors given off, in order to imbue the product with
sufficient zesty flavoring with such a short exposure to the spices. To
be fair, in theory a woman in full chemical resistant gear and
respirator could manage the seafood pot, but I have never seen this
done. Also, the mystery of purging crawfish (causing the live crawfish
to expel all of the sand, etc from their digestive tracts prior to
boiling) has probably never been explained to any woman. It simply isn't
done. And seafood, at least in Louisiana, the home of boiled seafood, is
boiled outdoors on specially made industrial force burners and specially
constructed pots that are often bigger than 55 gallon drums, and always
bigger than beer kegs. Not work for women at all. Even stirring the pot
(A clean, preferably new pirogue paddle is used for this) would raise
blisters on delicate hands and grow unseemly amounts of muscle on
feminine frames. We let women spread newspapers and beer flats out on
the table to help contain the mess, though. And a stout woman might be
enlisted to ice down the beer. 

Make no mistake; the roles of the sexes in regard to cooking are fixed
by our genetic heritage and the laws of nature. We cannot change them,
and so we must accept them and all of us live up to our sexuo-culinary
responsibilities.


-- 
When I go to the gym, I TRAIN HARD, and that's it.
I'm not there to party or to boogaloo.
I don't want no stinkin' radio playing Metallica or Limp Biscuit.
I MAKE MY OWN MUSIC, AND DANCE WITH IRON.

The Right Honorable Robinson, Baron of Bourbon
** Posted from http://www.teranews.com **

On Fri, 20 Jun 2008 00:57:20 -0500, bigpaparobinson wrote:

> On Thu, 19 Jun 2008 19:46:10 +0100, "Bully" 
> wrote:
>>(8)  THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.
> 
> This sounds more like grilling than barbecuing.

From wikipedia:
"Barbecue has numerous regional variations in many parts of the world.
Notably, in the United States, practitioners consider barbecue to include
only relatively indirect methods of cooking, with the more direct
high-heat methods to be called grilling. However, the correct method is
from the UK. What the fuck do the yanks know"

> It is generally felt to be permissible to use paper plates, paper
> napkins, etc for barbecue, particularly if it is to be consumed
> outdoors.

Good god man. PAPER?! One uses the best china. Only the lower classes
stoop to use paper.

> and so the water must be spiced to the point where the fairer sex will
> pass out from the vapors given off, in order to imbue the product with
> sufficient zesty flavoring with such a short exposure to the spices.

Recipe & method please.

> done. Also, the mystery of purging crawfish (causing the live crawfish

Details please.

> (A clean, preferably new pirogue paddle is used for this) would raise

wtf is a pirogue paddle?

> enlisted to ice down the beer. 

Ice cold beer?!  I presume you're an about that lager budweiser bollocks?
Do they have a lot of bitter over there Robbo?

> Make no mistake; the roles of the sexes in regard to cooking are fixed
> by our genetic heritage and the laws of nature. We cannot change them,
> and so we must accept them and all of us live up to our sexuo-culinary
> responsibilities.

Woman are only good for 2 things. On their back or in the kitchen, etc etc.

-- 
I did think of a naked man blowing a kiss - pet

On Thu, 19 Jun 2008 19:46:10 +0100, Bully wrote:

> We are about to enter the BBQ season; 

Very good.

I have a picture of someone cooking a whole chicken on a barbie. I didn't
think it was possible, but apparently is was very nice and didn't kill
anyone.

-- 
I did think of a naked man blowing a kiss - pet

JD wrote:

> Woman are only good for 2 things. On their back or in the kitchen, etc etc.

Men know we can only do one thing at a time whereas women _think_ they  can 
"multitask"

-- 
http://gymratz.co.uk - Fitness & Gym Equipment/nutrition specialists.
http://www.trade-price-supplements.co.uk - Bulk buy for up to 33% off.
http://www.BBE-Boxing-Equipment.co.uk - New Boxing Equipment site.
http://www.commercial-gym-equipment.co.uk - Commercial Gym Equipment.

On Fri, 20 Jun 2008 11:21:53 +0100, Pet - www.GymRatZ.co.uk wrote:

> JD wrote:
> 
>> Woman are only good for 2 things. On their back or in the kitchen, etc etc.
> 
> Men know we can only do one thing at a time whereas women _think_ they  can 
> "multitask"

To be fair, it's only because they don't understand what multitasking
means.
Whan a man says it, he means juggling whilst riding a bike.
To a woman it would mean riding a short way. Stopping. Juggling. Stopping
riding a short way etc.

Bless their embroidery addled brains.

-- 
I did think of a naked man blowing a kiss - pet

JD wrote:

> To be fair, it's only because they don't understand what multitasking
> means.
> Whan a man says it, he means juggling whilst riding a bike.
> To a woman it would mean riding a short way. Stopping. Juggling. Stopping
> riding a short way etc.
> 
> Bless their embroidery addled brains.

Reminds me of the old Harry Enfield sketches.
Especially the "women shouldn't drive" one...
Bound to be on youtube somewhere.

-- 
http://gymratz.co.uk - Fitness & Gym Equipment/nutrition specialists.
http://www.trade-price-supplements.co.uk - Bulk buy for up to 33% off.
http://www.BBE-Boxing-Equipment.co.uk - New Boxing Equipment site.
http://www.commercial-gym-equipment.co.uk - Commercial Gym Equipment.

On Fri, 20 Jun 2008 10:12:10 +0100, JD
 wrote:

>On Fri, 20 Jun 2008 00:57:20 -0500, bigpaparobinson wrote:
>
>> On Thu, 19 Jun 2008 19:46:10 +0100, "Bully" 
>> wrote:
>>>(8)  THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.
>> 
>> This sounds more like grilling than barbecuing.
>
>From wikipedia:
>"Barbecue has numerous regional variations in many parts of the world.
>Notably, in the United States, practitioners consider barbecue to include
>only relatively indirect methods of cooking, with the more direct
>high-heat methods to be called grilling. However, the correct method is
>from the UK. What the fuck do the yanks know"

The Robinsonpedia would disagree with the last two comments.
>
>> It is generally felt to be permissible to use paper plates, paper
>> napkins, etc for barbecue, particularly if it is to be consumed
>> outdoors.
>
>Good god man. PAPER?! One uses the best china. Only the lower classes
>stoop to use paper.

We do this for several reasons. The main one is to reduce the workload
on our women and so increase their enjoyment of the barbecue.
>
>> and so the water must be spiced to the point where the fairer sex will
>> pass out from the vapors given off, in order to imbue the product with
>> sufficient zesty flavoring with such a short exposure to the spices.
>
>Recipe & method please.

I will never reveal my secret recipe even under torture. However, there
are some fairly good commercial blends, such as Zatarain's (tm)
>
>> done. Also, the mystery of purging crawfish (causing the live crawfish
>
>Details please.

PLEASE! Women could be reading this.
>
>> (A clean, preferably new pirogue paddle is used for this) would raise
>
>wtf is a pirogue paddle?

What one propels a pirogue with. A pirogue is sort of like a canoe with
a very flat bottom, in which one can traverse swamps etc in search of
fish or game or whatever.
>
>> enlisted to ice down the beer. 
>
>Ice cold beer?!  I presume you're an about that lager budweiser bollocks?
>Do they have a lot of bitter over there Robbo?

Yes, I know what you think of American beer. However, for dining
outdoors on barbecue or boiled crawfish in hot temperatures, an ice cold
beverage is called for. Our beers are meant to be consumed very cold,
while yours are mostly meant to be served just chilled. I occasionally
enjoy one of your brews, particularly the nice ales and stouts that come
from the UK or Ireland. But they just won't do in this context. No, not
at all. Budweiser is okay for this, though I prefer Miller Lite, or
possibly Corona if it is very fresh.
>
>> Make no mistake; the roles of the sexes in regard to cooking are fixed
>> by our genetic heritage and the laws of nature. We cannot change them,
>> and so we must accept them and all of us live up to our sexuo-culinary
>> responsibilities.
>
>Woman are only good for 2 things. On their back or in the kitchen, etc etc.

No, not at all. They are good for a number of uses.

-- 
"To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and hear the lamentations of their women"
(Arnold, as Conan)

The Right Honorable Robinson, Baron of Bourbon
** Posted from http://www.teranews.com **

On Fri, 20 Jun 2008 10:13:14 +0100, JD
 wrote:

>On Thu, 19 Jun 2008 19:46:10 +0100, Bully wrote:
>
>> We are about to enter the BBQ season; 
>
>Very good.
>
>I have a picture of someone cooking a whole chicken on a barbie. I didn't
>think it was possible, but apparently is was very nice and didn't kill
>anyone.

This can be done. You can split the chicken and cook skin side up until
nearly done, and then turn and move over direct heat to crisp the skin
for a nice effect. Another method is to stand the bird up, with an
opened can of beer up its ass. The beer slowly cooks off and moistens
the bird from the inside out, so the theory goes. I prefer to split them
and lay them out flat, myself. Something very disturbing about shoving a
can of beer up a chicken's butt.

-- 
"I will pray for your sick, demented soul. There is a God above
who will love you regardless of your ignorance. I pray he shines
his mercy upon you and turns you from your evil ways before it
is too late."
("Concerned Citizen" writing to yours truly)

The Right Honorable Robinson, Baron of Bourbon
** Posted from http://www.teranews.com **

On Mon, 23 Jun 2008 09:00:50 -0500, bigpaparobinson wrote:

> On Fri, 20 Jun 2008 10:13:14 +0100, JD
>  wrote:
> 
>>I have a picture of someone cooking a whole chicken on a barbie. I didn't
>>think it was possible, but apparently is was very nice and didn't kill
>>anyone.
> 
> This can be done. You can split the chicken and cook skin side up until
> nearly done, and then turn and move over direct heat to crisp the skin
> for a nice effect. 

But that aint whole.

> Another method is to stand the bird up, with an
> opened can of beer up its ass. The beer slowly cooks off and moistens
> the bird from the inside out, so the theory goes. I prefer to split them
> and lay them out flat, myself. Something very disturbing about shoving a
> can of beer up a chicken's butt.

That's the one. I was so impressed I've a pic on my phone. I can't wait to
give it a go.

-- 
I did think of a naked man blowing a kiss - pet

On Mon, 23 Jun 2008 08:57:37 -0500, bigpaparobinson wrote:

> On Fri, 20 Jun 2008 10:12:10 +0100, JD
>  wrote:
> 
>>From wikipedia:
>>"Barbecue has numerous regional variations in many parts of the world.
>>Notably, in the United States, practitioners consider barbecue to include
>>only relatively indirect methods of cooking, with the more direct
>>high-heat methods to be called grilling. However, the correct method is
>>from the UK. What the fuck do the yanks know"
> 
> The Robinsonpedia would disagree with the last two comments.

Heh. I was wondering if anyone was going to read that far.

>>Good god man. PAPER?! One uses the best china. Only the lower classes
>>stoop to use paper.
> 
> We do this for several reasons. The main one is to reduce the workload
> on our women and so increase their enjoyment of the barbecue.

How very chivalrous. I would have thought they'd get plenty of enjoyment
knowing the men folk were happy.

>>Recipe & method please.
> 
> I will never reveal my secret recipe even under torture. However, there
> are some fairly good commercial blends, such as Zatarain's (tm)

Oh factory crap is never as good a home mode.

>>> done. Also, the mystery of purging crawfish (causing the live crawfish
>>
>>Details please.
> 
> PLEASE! Women could be reading this.

I presume it means keeping them overnight in clean water...

>>wtf is a pirogue paddle?
> 
> What one propels a pirogue with. A pirogue is sort of like a canoe with
> a very flat bottom, in which one can traverse swamps etc in search of
> fish or game or whatever.

Ah, you mean a skiff. Or a punt.

>>Ice cold beer?!  I presume you're an about that lager budweiser
>>bollocks? Do they have a lot of bitter over there Robbo?
> 
> at all. Budweiser is okay for this, though I prefer Miller Lite, or
> possibly Corona if it is very fresh.

Someone got a round in and managed to buy me a corona I think it was.
Half a pint of piss for 3 quid. It had a lime stuck in the neck of the
bottle. It had to be the most revolting drink ever. I had to drink it tho,
it was costing me money.

>>Woman are only good for 2 things. On their back or in the kitchen, etc
>>etc.
> 
> No, not at all. They are good for a number of uses.

I think I'll regret this as I feel you're going to say "making lampshades
out of" but what uses are there?

-- 
I did think of a naked man blowing a kiss - pet

On Mon, 23 Jun 2008 11:37:20 +0100, Pet - www.GymRatZ.co.uk wrote:

> Reminds me of the old Harry Enfield sketches.
> Especially the "women shouldn't drive" one...
> Bound to be on youtube somewhere.

Find it then as I've no idea what you're on about.

-- 
I did think of a naked man blowing a kiss - pet

JD wrote:
> On Mon, 23 Jun 2008 11:37:20 +0100, Pet - www.GymRatZ.co.uk wrote:
> 
>> Reminds me of the old Harry Enfield sketches.
>> Especially the "women shouldn't drive" one...
>> Bound to be on youtube somewhere.
> 
> Find it then as I've no idea what you're on about.

Start with this one...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SjxY9rZwNGU
then click the "women don't drive" one.

;¬)

Harry Enfield... funnier than Monty Python.

-- 
http://gymratz.co.uk - Fitness & Gym Equipment/nutrition specialists.
http://www.trade-price-supplements.co.uk - Bulk buy for up to 33% off.
http://www.BBE-Boxing-Equipment.co.uk - New Boxing Equipment site.
http://www.commercial-gym-equipment.co.uk - Commercial Gym Equipment.

On Tue, 24 Jun 2008 10:22:54 +0100, JD
 wrote:

>On Mon, 23 Jun 2008 08:57:37 -0500, bigpaparobinson wrote:
>
>> On Fri, 20 Jun 2008 10:12:10 +0100, JD
>>  wrote:
>> 
>>>From wikipedia:
>>>"Barbecue has numerous regional variations in many parts of the world.
>>>Notably, in the United States, practitioners consider barbecue to include
>>>only relatively indirect methods of cooking, with the more direct
>>>high-heat methods to be called grilling. However, the correct method is
>>>from the UK. What the fuck do the yanks know"
>> 
>> The Robinsonpedia would disagree with the last two comments.
>
>Heh. I was wondering if anyone was going to read that far.
>
>>>Good god man. PAPER?! One uses the best china. Only the lower classes
>>>stoop to use paper.
>> 
>> We do this for several reasons. The main one is to reduce the workload
>> on our women and so increase their enjoyment of the barbecue.
>
>How very chivalrous. I would have thought they'd get plenty of enjoyment
>knowing the men folk were happy.
>
>>>Recipe & method please.
>> 
>> I will never reveal my secret recipe even under torture. However, there
>> are some fairly good commercial blends, such as Zatarain's (tm)
>
>Oh factory crap is never as good a home mode.

Actually, Zatarain's is quite popular and has a devoted following among
experts. Generally, you would be correct, but it is hard to beat
Zatarain's shrimp and crawfish boil. Just follow the directions on the
label precisely, and you will have achieved professional results no
matter what your experience level.

>>>> done. Also, the mystery of purging crawfish (causing the live crawfish
>>>
>>>Details please.
>> 
>> PLEASE! Women could be reading this.
>
>I presume it means keeping them overnight in clean water...

Your presumption is not correct.

>>>wtf is a pirogue paddle?
>> 
>> What one propels a pirogue with. A pirogue is sort of like a canoe with
>> a very flat bottom, in which one can traverse swamps etc in search of
>> fish or game or whatever.
>
>Ah, you mean a skiff. Or a punt.

No. A pirogue is very narrow and pointed at both ends. Google up a pic.

>>>Ice cold beer?!  I presume you're an about that lager budweiser
>>>bollocks? Do they have a lot of bitter over there Robbo?
>> 
>> at all. Budweiser is okay for this, though I prefer Miller Lite, or
>> possibly Corona if it is very fresh.
>
>Someone got a round in and managed to buy me a corona I think it was.
>Half a pint of piss for 3 quid. It had a lime stuck in the neck of the
>bottle. It had to be the most revolting drink ever. I had to drink it tho,
>it was costing me money.

Corona is not pasteurized and so it will turn bad, getting a skunk-like
aroma and taste. It must be kept cold in transit and not kept very long.
The lime is de riguer particularly in hot weather. I also take lime with
Miller Lite if lime is available.

Tecate, another popular Mexican export, is usually drand with lemon. I
never acuqired the taste for that.

>>>Woman are only good for 2 things. On their back or in the kitchen, etc
>>>etc.
>> 
>> No, not at all. They are good for a number of uses.
>
>I think I'll regret this as I feel you're going to say "making lampshades
>out of" but what uses are there?

They are good at washing, ironing, sewing, etc. You can use them as
designated drivers when you go out and get shitfaced. Some can be
trained to pay the bills every month, and buy groceries. A nice plump
one can keep you warm on cold nights. It is great to be able to have her
fetch a beer from the fridge for you while you watch a movie or
something. A well=trained woman is an extraordinarily useful creature.

-- 
"I will pray for your sick, demented soul. There is a God above
who will love you regardless of your ignorance. I pray he shines
his mercy upon you and turns you from your evil ways before it
is too late."
("Concerned Citizen" writing to yours truly)

The Right Honorable Robinson, Baron of Bourbon
** Posted from http://www.teranews.com **

On Tue, 24 Jun 2008 10:12:13 +0100, JD
 wrote:

>On Mon, 23 Jun 2008 09:00:50 -0500, bigpaparobinson wrote:
>
>> On Fri, 20 Jun 2008 10:13:14 +0100, JD
>>  wrote:
>> 
>>>I have a picture of someone cooking a whole chicken on a barbie. I didn't
>>>think it was possible, but apparently is was very nice and didn't kill
>>>anyone.
>> 
>> This can be done. You can split the chicken and cook skin side up until
>> nearly done, and then turn and move over direct heat to crisp the skin
>> for a nice effect. 
>
>But that aint whole.

Yes. All the parts are still attaqched. You simply split it down the
back and spread it open flat. This helps to retain fat and moisture from
the skin that would otherwise quickly drain down the sides of the bird.

>> Another method is to stand the bird up, with an
>> opened can of beer up its ass. The beer slowly cooks off and moistens
>> the bird from the inside out, so the theory goes. I prefer to split them
>> and lay them out flat, myself. Something very disturbing about shoving a
>> can of beer up a chicken's butt.
>
>That's the one. I was so impressed I've a pic on my phone. I can't wait to
>give it a go.

Was the chicken still alive? You are supposed to kill it and remove guts
and feathers first.


-- 
"I will pray for your sick, demented soul. There is a God above
who will love you regardless of your ignorance. I pray he shines
his mercy upon you and turns you from your evil ways before it
is too late."
("Concerned Citizen" writing to yours truly)

The Right Honorable Robinson, Baron of Bourbon
** Posted from http://www.teranews.com **