You are the intrepid, pony-tailed, fearless, geordie adventurer Jara Lard &
you have
a mission to complete. The evil army of Marxist Monstors are on the march &
out to
destroy your very life-blood, your incapacity benefits.

So, you only have a limited time in which to outwit them, by increasing your
weight from
your start-of-game 19 stone ... up to a real *doctor-convincing* 30 stone.
At the end of
each level is a fish'n' chip shop.  If you collect all the required (hidden)
giros, along the
 level, then the chip shop will be open.  Once inside, you must buy
everything, consume
 it quickly & then move onto the next level. Remember to save some chips,
though, as
(see further below) they will be needed along the following level.

 You will also have to collect (hidden) bottles of cheap perfume &
hooker-type clothing,
mini-skirts & low-cut tops etc...  These come in handy, later on in the
game.

 If you have collected ALL giros, along a level, you will have some left
over as you exit
the chip shop, at the end of each level.  These will come in handy as  at
the start of each
new level there are between 20 & 30 pubs which you must pass through.  Use
the giros
 to get drunk. As you exit the final pub on each level, you have to bend
down to pick up
& eat  some discarded chips from an adjacent alley-way. The smell of
second-hand chips,
cheap perfume  & sight of a bent-over whore will instantly attract the local
menfolk, who
will then rush in groups & take turns in mounting you. Make sure that you
save some chips
left over from exiting the previous level. This will ensure that your
alley-way copulation
is more prolonged & furthers your chance of pregnancy. This occuring is an
extra
weapon, at the end of your game, in securing the treasured benefits.

The last  level , "The Byker Mangrove Swamps", is perhaps the trickiest to
traverse.
You will be pursued by the 2 evil little munchkins, Pee - J  & Spuncbreath.
You will only
escape their terror if you have collected, earlier in the game, the magic
pair of  twat-proof
ear-defenders.

Good luck & enjoy your game.


 *disclaimer.    This post is entirely a fun-item & does not, in any way,
imply that geordie
 lasses are fat, lazy, feckless, morally-vaccuous, braindead, lard-guzzling,
drunken sluts
 who drop their knickers in alleyways & take it up the sh*tter, whilst
eating fish'n'chips.

Honestly.    ;-)



Nil satis nisi optimum.

On Sat, 11 Feb 2006 20:03:40 GMT, "True Blue"
 wrote:

>
>You are the intrepid, pony-tailed, fearless, geordie adventurer Jara Lard &
>you have
>a mission to complete. The evil army of Marxist Monstors are on the march &
>out to
>destroy your very life-blood, your incapacity benefits.
>


 Ay.  So, is there a scouse version where (if yer an everton fan) yers
can collect tablets for depression, along the way ?

"True Blue"  wrote in message 
news:wqrHf.6127$K%2.5902@fe02.news.easynews.com...
> Loads ov shite


Fook off £5 wife purchaser