Passport Application

Dear Minister,
I'm in the process of renewing my
passport but I am a total loss to understand or
believe the hoops I am being asked to jump through.

How is it that Bert Smith of T.V.
Rentals Basingstoke has my address and telephone
number and knows that I bought a satellite dish from
them back in 1994, and yet, the Government is still
asking me where I was born and on what date?

How come that nice West African
immigrant chappy who comes round every Thursday
night with his DVD rentals van can tell me every
film or video I have had out since he started his
business up eleven years ago, yet you still want me
to remind you of my last three jobs, two of which
were with contractors working for the government?

How come the T.V. detector van can tell
if my T.V. is on, what channel I am watching and
whether I have paid my licence or not, and yet if I
win the government run lottery they have no idea I
have won or where I am and will keep the bloody
money to themselves if I fail to claim in good time.
Do you people do this by hand?

You have my birth date on numerous files
you hold on me, including the one with all the
income tax forms I've filed for the past 30-odd
years. It's on my health insurance card, my driver's
licence, on the last four passports I've had, on all
those stupid customs declaration forms I've had to
fill out before being allowed off the planes and
boats over the last 30 years, and all those
insufferable census forms that are done every ten
years and the electoral registration forms I have to
complete, by law, every time our lords and masters
are up for re-election.

Would somebody please take note, once
and for all, I was born in Maidenhead on the 4th of
March 1957, my mother's name is Mary, her maiden
name was Reynolds, my father's name is Robert, and
I'd be absolutely astounded if that ever changed
between now and the day I die!

I apologise Minister. I'm obviously not
myself this morning. But between you and me, I have
simply had enough! You mail the application to my
house, then you ask me for my address. What is going
on? Do you have a gang of Neanderthals working
there? Look at my damn picture. Do I look like Bin
Laden? I don't want to activate the Fifth Reich for
God's sake! I just want to go and park my weary
backside on a sunny, sandy beach for a couple of
week's well-earned rest away from all this crap.

Well, I have to go now, because I have
to go to back to Salisbury and get another copy of
my birth certificate because you lost the last one.
AND to the tune of 60 quid! What a racket THAT is!!
Would it be so complicated to have all the services
in the same spot to assist in the issuance of a new
passport the same day? But nooooo, that'd be too
damn easy and maybe make sense. You'd rather have us
running all over the place like chickens with our
heads cut off, then find some tosser to confirm that
it's really me on the goddamn picture - you know...
the one where we're not allowed to smile in in case
we look as if we are enjoying the process!
Hey, you know why we can't smile? 'Cause
we're totally jacked off!

I served in the armed forces for more
than 25 years including over ten years at the
Ministry of Defence in London. I have had security
clearances which allowed me to sit in the Cabinet
Office, five seats away from the Prime Minister
while he was being briefed on the first Gulf War and
I have been doing volunteer work for the British Red
Cross ever since I left the Services. However, I
have to get someone 'important' to verify who I am -
you know, someone like my doctor...
who, before he got his medical degree 6
months ago WAS LIVING IN PAKISTAN...

Yours sincerely,
An Irate British Citizen.

-- 


V.O.R.

If you dont believe me, ask me.

On Fri, 2 May 2008 00:01:29 +0100, "Voice Of Reason"
<Voice-Of-Reason@Every-Turn> wrote:

>Passport Application
snipped 
>
>Well, I have to go now, because I have
>to go to back to Salisbury and get another copy of
>my birth certificate because you lost the last one.
>AND to the tune of 60 quid! What a racket THAT is!!

snipped 

Don't you know you can get BC's online ...and as for £60 .That's
bollocks .It's nowhere near that amount for a BC .And why do you need
one for a passport renewal anyway?  I didn't .