Right, the tables were spread from London up through Brum and Manchester, 
around Liverpool and down to Bristol. Various UKSF'ers were lined up to 
see how they'd go with some good old fashioned Os-goodness. The results 
were mixed but have a nice symetrical feel to them, here's how it worked 
out.

1. Os rejected by...
- Ben Nunn from London. Ran away to Ireland but did try to make me feel 
better by trying to book a 2nd date that I couldn't make. 2.5/9
- Chopsy from Manchester. Ran away to the FNE but not before booking a 
tentative date that I couldn't make due to England's roads being all full 
up. Refused further advances. 1.5/9

2. Rejected by Os
- JDS from London. Tried to email me late on but I was out looking at 
tanks. Long weekend procluded me from further communication with this 
entrant. Feel Bad. 2.0/9
- TMAK from Liverpool. TMAK was keen to jump on the Chopsy Manc-mentalist 
jambo but as reported above, it just wasn't to be. I made it as far as 
Chester on Sunday but didn't see any happily newly married bluenoses 
anywhere. 2.0/9

3. Erogenous Bumsex
- Kullrad from Redditch. The metal man was organised and punctual and had 
filled me full of beer and curry within 2 hours of my arrival at the 
picaresque town of Redditch. More pints followed with Kully appearing to 
be drinking his own urine, typical metallic hard man behaviour. 6.5/9
- Joe Horowitz from Bristol. Joe's day off meant a whole afternoon and 
evening of hanging out in lovely Bristol followed by tunes and pizza. A 
funtime was had by all Ruddocks. Me and the Mrs could live in this town I 
reckon. I just wish I had more time for more tunes and bumsex. 7.5/9  

-- 
Cheers, Os

On 15 May, 16:14, Osbourne Ruddock  wrote:
<snip>

Yeah, sorry about that Os. The wife dislocated her knee, so it's not
all fun and games at the moment.

Hope you had fun in Chester, it's a nice little city. Which is 6 miles
away from my house.

I still love you.

"Osbourne Ruddock"  wrote in message 
news:Xns9A9FA5613410Dstrikeboyhotmailcom@130.133.1.4...
> Right, the tables were spread from London up through Brum and Manchester,
> around Liverpool and down to Bristol. Various UKSF'ers were lined up to
> see how they'd go with some good old fashioned Os-goodness. The results
> were mixed but have a nice symetrical feel to them, here's how it worked
> out.
>
> 1. Os rejected by...
> - Ben Nunn from London. Ran away to Ireland but did try to make me feel
> better by trying to book a 2nd date that I couldn't make. 2.5/9


Oh yeah, when did Ipswich disappear from teh itinery? I thought you were 
coming here after Bristol'n'shit?


> 3. Erogenous Bumsex
> - Kullrad from Redditch. The metal man was organised and punctual and had
> filled me full of beer and curry within 2 hours of my arrival at the
> picaresque town of Redditch. More pints followed with Kully appearing to
> be drinking his own urine, typical metallic hard man behaviour. 6.5/9
> - Joe Horowitz from Bristol. Joe's day off meant a whole afternoon and
> evening of hanging out in lovely Bristol followed by tunes and pizza. A
> funtime was had by all Ruddocks. Me and the Mrs could live in this town I
> reckon. I just wish I had more time for more tunes and bumsex. 7.5/9


Oh great, your impression of Youksef is going to be coloured by the two most 
unemotional, schizo-loner types the froup has ever teh seen.

BTN

According to :
>1. Os rejected by...
>- Ben Nunn from London. Ran away to Ireland but did try to make me feel 
>better by trying to book a 2nd date that I couldn't make. 2.5/9
>- Chopsy from Manchester. Ran away to the FNE but not before booking a 
>tentative date that I couldn't make due to England's roads being all full 
>up. Refused further advances. 1.5/9

Hey, what about me?  I rejected you as well!

--

According to :
>Hope you had fun in Chester, it's a nice little city. Which is 6 miles
>away from my house.

Really?  Where do you live?


--

According to :
>Oh great, your impression of Youksef is going to be coloured by the two most 
>unemotional, schizo-loner types the froup has ever teh seen.

Sounds about perfect to me.

--

On 15 May, 16:51, co...@riffraff.plig.net (Vicky Conlan) wrote:
> According to :
>
> >Hope you had fun in Chester, it's a nice little city. Which is 6 miles
> >away from my house.
>
> Really?  Where do you live?

Hawarden. Just moved there from lovely Toxteth end of Smithdown Road
last year.

It's so middle class it's unreal. Saturday afternoon was a symphony of
lawnmowers.

"Tony McChrystal"  wrote in message 
news:8124962c-c916-4bb9-84f6-986c6ca25a10@f63g2000hsf.googlegroups.com...
>> Really?  Where do you live?
>
> Hawarden. Just moved there from lovely Toxteth end of Smithdown Road
> last year.
>
> It's so middle class it's unreal. Saturday afternoon was a symphony of
> lawnmowers.


Welsh cunt.

BTN

comps@riffraff.plig.net (Vicky Conlan) wrote in
news:g0hm02$5ub$1@magenta.plig.net: 

>>1. Os rejected by...
>>- Ben Nunn from London. Ran away to Ireland but did try to make me

> Hey, what about me?  I rejected you as well!
> 

No, you couldn't make it from day 1, whereas me and the Nunnster had it 
all worked out and then it didn't happen.

-- 
Cheers, Os

According to :
>> >Hope you had fun in Chester, it's a nice little city. Which is 6 miles
>> >away from my house.
>> Really?  Where do you live?
>Hawarden. Just moved there from lovely Toxteth end of Smithdown Road
>last year.

Ah, that kind of 6 miles away.  

>It's so middle class it's unreal. Saturday afternoon was a symphony of
>lawnmowers.

Heh.  Nick got grumpy cos he couldn't mow the lawn this weekend cos the
kids had the paddling pool out.


--

According to :
>>>1. Os rejected by...
>>>- Ben Nunn from London. Ran away to Ireland but did try to make me
>> Hey, what about me?  I rejected you as well!
>No, you couldn't make it from day 1, whereas me and the Nunnster had it 
>all worked out and then it didn't happen.

That's not true.  I was still trying to make it up until about a week
before it happened, iirc.  I certainly was up for it at the very start.
--

"Osbourne Ruddock"  wrote in message 
news:Xns9A9FA5613410Dstrikeboyhotmailcom@130.133.1.4...
> - Joe Horowitz from Bristol. Joe's day off meant a whole afternoon and
> evening of hanging out in lovely Bristol followed by tunes and pizza. A
> funtime was had by all Ruddocks. Me and the Mrs could live in this town I
> reckon. I just wish I had more time for more tunes and bumsex. 7.5/9

AVSWTWP.  I'm not generally that good with visitors, what with being an 
unemotional schizo-loner and all, so it took me a little while to get into 
it.  Not long, though, which is testimony to the Joe-compatibility of your 
company.  By the time you cunts left I was really enjoying myself and could 
easily have handled another few days of bum and scone with teh clan Ruddock 
Your missus is lovely, your kids are lovely and you're especially lovely 
although I never quite got over the fact that you sound exactly like Murray 
from Flight Of The Conchords.  Particularly when you phoned me when I was 
asleep in the morning to make rendezvous arrangements and you were all like 
'it's Osbourne, Osbourne from New Zealand' and all I could think was 'no it 
fucking isn't, it's Murray, Murray from Flight Of The Conchords.  What the 
hell does he want with me?'.  That was very confusing.

You can most definitely come again.

-- 
Joe

"I am the fat puddin', but a single puddingness" - Vicky Conlan

"Vicky Conlan"  wrote in message 
news:g0ie9b$o6v$1@magenta.plig.net...
> According to :
>>> >Hope you had fun in Chester, it's a nice little city. Which is 6 miles
>>> >away from my house.
>>> Really?  Where do you live?
>>Hawarden. Just moved there from lovely Toxteth end of Smithdown Road
>>last year.
>
> Ah, that kind of 6 miles away.


As opposed to the 'in Hednesford' kind?


>>It's so middle class it's unreal. Saturday afternoon was a symphony of
>>lawnmowers.
>
> Heh.  Nick got grumpy cos he couldn't mow the lawn this weekend cos the
> kids had the paddling pool out.


You really are domesticated Cunts, you know.

BTN

Joe Horowitz wrote:

> You can most definitely come again.

Waits underneath...

comps@riffraff.plig.net (Vicky Conlan) wrote in news:g0iear$o6v$2
@magenta.plig.net:

>>> Hey, what about me?  I rejected you as well!
>>No, you couldn't make it from day 1, whereas me and the Nunnster had it 
>>all worked out and then it didn't happen.
> 
> That's not true.  I was still trying to make it up until about a week
> before it happened, iirc.  I certainly was up for it at the very start.

Heh, fair enough, I thought you couldn't make the Friday jambo cos you 
were heading away for the weekend.

I even had a little squashy kiwi thing for baby Bendy.

*adds Conlan to the Osbourne rejectors*

-- 
Cheers, Os

"Sir Benjamin Nunn"  wrote in
news:6932tcF2vuhkrU1@mid.individual.net: 

> 
> Oh yeah, when did Ipswich disappear from teh itinery? I thought you
> were coming here after Bristol'n'shit?

To be honest Ben, it was never really on there. I mean, who'd voluntarily 
go to Ipswich'n'shit? And I thought you had a relatively free weekend in 
London but oh no, you had to go hunting the hunnies and stand poor old Os 
up. The really ironic thing is that Ipswich is one of the few places we 
had free digs at because my sister's bloke's family live there. 

> 
> 
>> 3. Erogenous Bumsex

> 
> Oh great, your impression of Youksef is going to be coloured by the
> two most unemotional, schizo-loner types the froup has ever teh seen.
> 

Even weirder is that neither appeared to be particularly unemotional, 
schizo or loner-ish. Weird?

Oh, and me and Mart did the great KiwiJambo last year, the big loveable 
unemotional, schizo-loner.

-- 
Cheers, Os

According to :
>> That's not true.  I was still trying to make it up until about a week
>> before it happened, iirc.  I certainly was up for it at the very start.
>Heh, fair enough, I thought you couldn't make the Friday jambo cos you 
>were heading away for the weekend.

That is true.  But that wasn't finalised until about a week before it happened.

>I even had a little squashy kiwi thing for baby Bendy.

Aww.  Mind you, Baby Bendy is 4 now, and isn't much of a baby any more.  Well,
he can be a bit of a baby, but that's a normal boy thing.  Baby Dinkle is the
baby one.  But then, he'd have no problem with chewing the head off a live kiwi.

>*adds Conlan to the Osbourne rejectors*

\o/
--

Osbourne Ruddock wrote:

> 1. Os rejected by...
> - Ben Nunn from London. Ran away to Ireland but did try to make me feel 
> better by trying to book a 2nd date that I couldn't make. 2.5/9
> - Chopsy from Manchester. Ran away to the FNE but not before booking a 
> tentative date that I couldn't make due to England's roads being all full 
> up. Refused further advances. 1.5/9

I was ace, wasn't I?

Monday was somewhat terrifying as Mrs C was determined to relive happy 
childhood memories in Berwick, England's most Scottish League town. I 
wanted to see Shielfield Park because it seemed like a clever idea
Berwick turned out to be the venue for some kind of festival of crap 
catering, along with a large number of swans.

You texted just as we were cowering in a rather rough pub, taken from a 
choice of rough pubs, eating meat pie and chips and trying to work out 
if the alarming barstaff were calling for the outsiders to be killed and 
eaten in their peculiar Borders dialect.

At that particular moment, I would have strongly preferred to have been 
enjoying ghey bumsex in Manchester with Os.

We didn't get to Shielfield Park.

The next day, we got fierce sunburn on a boat surrounded by puffins and 
guillemots. Seabird heaven!!111auks!!11one!!kittiwakes!!111.

C

Whilst being taken roughly from behind, Osbourne Ruddock squealed:

> 3. Erogenous Bumsex
> - Kullrad from Redditch. The metal man was organised and punctual and
> had filled me full of beer and curry within 2 hours of my arrival at
> the picaresque town of Redditch. More pints followed with Kully
> appearing to be drinking his own urine, typical metallic hard man
> behaviour. 6.5/9

'appearing'? Why do you think I kept fucking off to the bog all the time.

*wanks*?

And what have you done with the fucking weather, you cunt.

-- 
Kullrad (4)
UKSF Best New Poster 2003

"AWTWP. Or when the blackness of Kully's soul shines through his dead shark 
eyes bathing everything in darkness and returning the land to a time of anger 
and long guitar solos and heralding the arrival of Satan." - Joe Horowitz

Winamp is spewing forth: Gorillaz - 5-4

Chopsy  wrote in
news:483013b8$0$10629$fa0fcedb@news.zen.co.uk: 

> 
> You texted just as we were cowering in a rather rough pub, taken from
> a choice of rough pubs, eating meat pie and chips and trying to work
> out if the alarming barstaff were calling for the outsiders to be
> killed and eaten in their peculiar Borders dialect.
> 
> At that particular moment, I would have strongly preferred to have
> been enjoying ghey bumsex in Manchester with Os.

It's an instant tradition Chopsy old chap. And tradition dictates that we 
miss each other in Nelson, NZ in a year or two. I'll not see you then, 
then.

In the meantime, send me a fucking contact address so that I can post you 
your Os-pressie as I'm carrying it all over fucking Europe at present.

-- 
Cheers, Os

Kullrad  wrote in
news:Xns9AA39E4047D74192137@130.133.1.18: 

> 
> 'appearing'? Why do you think I kept fucking off to the bog all the
> time. 
> 

Yes, I lost count on the 5th piss while I sat their stoically in control
of my thang. 

> 
> And what have you done with the fucking weather, you cunt.
> 

I left, it's fucking lovely in Paris and the women, sacre bleu.

-- 
Cheers, Os

"Joe Horowitz" <my_name@youblunder.co.youghey> wrote in
news:Z64Xj.10490$U61.2653@newsfe12.ams2: 

> AVSWTWP.  I'm not generally that good with visitors, what with being
> an unemotional schizo-loner and all, so it took me a little while to
> get into it.  Not long, though, which is testimony to the
> Joe-compatibility of your company.  By the time you cunts left I was
> really enjoying myself and could easily have handled another few days
> of bum and scone with teh clan Ruddock Your missus is lovely, your
> kids are lovely and you're especially lovely although I never quite

Cheers for that. You've got a great spot there and all the Ruddock clan 
liked Bristol, and Tom loved your PS2. I just wish the hotels cooperated 
with a nice central location for us to stay a couple of nights. 

The CD's are lovely too. Smokin' Beats worked especially well in 
Brighton. 

> got over the fact that you sound exactly like Murray from Flight Of
> The Conchords.  Particularly when you phoned me when I was asleep in
> the morning to make rendezvous arrangements and you were all like 
> 'it's Osbourne, Osbourne from New Zealand' and all I could think was
> 'no it fucking isn't, it's Murray, Murray from Flight Of The
> Conchords.  What the hell does he want with me?'.  That was very
> confusing. 

Heh, I would've preferred to be Brett, or even more so Jermain, but 
Murray is probably more accurate.

> 
> You can most definitely come again.
> 

You look prettier in our photos though.

-- 
Cheers, Os

"Osbourne Ruddock"  wrote in message 
news:Xns9AA4CFA325408strikeboyhotmailcom@130.133.1.4...
> Cheers for that. You've got a great spot there and all the Ruddock clan
> liked Bristol, and Tom loved your PS2. I just wish the hotels cooperated
> with a nice central location for us to stay a couple of nights.

Yeah, that would have been good.

> The CD's are lovely too. Smokin' Beats worked especially well in
> Brighton.

Yeah, I'm not overly keen on CD1 of that mix but CD2 is something else, no? 
Only gripe would be that the first tune, Prix Choc, lovely though it is, is 
a little out of character with the rest of it.  But from then on it really 
is quite a special mix, I think.

> Heh, I would've preferred to be Brett, or even more so Jermain, but
> Murray is probably more accurate.

You should call a band meeting and get one of the others to swap with you.

>> You can most definitely come again.
>
> You look prettier in our photos though.

Prettier than what?


-- 
Joe

"I am the fat puddin', but a single puddingness" - Vicky Conlan