Michael Owen hadn't scored since October, and his team overall hadn't 
scored since the Messiah came. Every team in trouble really needs 
Middlesbrough.

Like on Football Focus where I've lost count of the "They haven't won 
for three years since they knocked 8 past the hapless Boro" comments.

Anyway, thank fuck justice prevailed, and the skunks' precious goal was 
only enough to get a point at home. The balance is restored and Nurse is 
bringing my medicine as I speak.

-- 
"Watching Newcastle and Boro fans attempt to score points off each other 
is truly just like watching two bald men fight over a comb."
sjmbeef on 606

"Tommo ³"  wrote in message 
news:rdWdnfD8gPoFwDvanZ2dnUVZ8qKvnZ2d@bt.com...
> Michael Owen hadn't scored since October, and his team overall hadn't 
> scored since the Messiah came. Every team in trouble really needs 
> Middlesbrough.

You've got a fucking cheek, Tommocubed.

March 16, 2002.  That's the last time Liverpool won at The Riverside.
In that time, we've had unbeaten league records ended and even been
so outclassed by a Bolo Zenden performance that we fucking went and
bought him as a result.

Bolo Zenden, ffs.

Everyone else might have a great time playing Middlesbrough but it's
like we've been banned from joining in the fun.  For a team so shit,
they don't half act like cunts when Liverpool pay them a visit.

I don't know how you sleep at night.


-- 
Mike

"Michael Cunningham"  wrote in message 
news:fo626j$68m$1@aioe.org...
> "Tommo ³"  wrote in message 
> news:rdWdnfD8gPoFwDvanZ2dnUVZ8qKvnZ2d@bt.com...
>> Michael Owen hadn't scored since October, and his team overall hadn't 
>> scored since the Messiah came. Every team in trouble really needs 
>> Middlesbrough.
>
> You've got a fucking cheek, Tommocubed.
>
> March 16, 2002.  That's the last time Liverpool won at The Riverside.
> In that time, we've had unbeaten league records ended and even been
> so outclassed by a Bolo Zenden performance that we fucking went and
> bought him as a result.
>
> Bolo Zenden, ffs.
>
> Everyone else might have a great time playing Middlesbrough but it's
> like we've been banned from joining in the fun.  For a team so shit,
> they don't half act like cunts when Liverpool pay them a visit.
>
> I don't know how you sleep at night.


It's not just Liverpool. Boro also have a habit of getting results against 
Arsenal and Man Utd way more than one would statistically expect based on 
their results generally. They also lose more than they should against 
rubbishcunt teams.

There is some reasonable money to be made from their 'inconsistency' by 
backing either Boro or their opponents at long odds. Over the last few 
years, Middlesbrough have been very capable of beating anyone and indeed 
losing to anyone.

BTN

According to :
>There is some reasonable money to be made from their 'inconsistency' by 
>backing either Boro or their opponents at long odds. Over the last few 
>years, Middlesbrough have been very capable of beating anyone and indeed 
>losing to anyone.

So we should just back against the draw?  :-P
(actually, any time anyone mentions Boro I just automatically think 0-0)

--

"Vicky Conlan"  wrote in message 
news:fo7749$s8n$1@magenta.plig.net...
> According to :
>>There is some reasonable money to be made from their 'inconsistency' by
>>backing either Boro or their opponents at long odds. Over the last few
>>years, Middlesbrough have been very capable of beating anyone and indeed
>>losing to anyone.
>
> So we should just back against the draw?  :-P


They are also more than capable of drawing against anyone.

In the second half of last season, they held Man Utd and Arsenal to draws, 
but also drew against Hull, Bristol City and West Brom from lower divisions.

This season they've only managed a draw at home to Sunderland, but also took 
a creditable point off Liverpool


> (actually, any time anyone mentions Boro I just automatically think 0-0)


And, as we all know, I think 1-1.

I'm not even sure Boro have had a 0-0 this season. I know for a fact they've 
had a load of 2-1s and 1-2s that were 1-1 until the last few minutes!

BTN

Sir Benjamin Nunn wrote:

Snip

> I'm not even sure Boro have had a 0-0 this season. I know for a fact they've 
> had a load of 2-1s and 1-2s that were 1-1 until the last few minutes!
> 
> BTN 
> 
> 

We've only had a single 0-0 away to Bolton in November this season. 
After that you've got to go right back to March 07 for a very satisfying 
0-0 at Newcastle. That includes all cup games and even close season 
friendlies.

Vicky just hates us because she had the trots after a bad Parmo once. 
Tsh, as if such a thing could exist.

-- 
"Watching Newcastle and Boro fans attempt to score points off each other 
is truly just like watching two bald men fight over a comb."
sjmbeef on 606

According to :
>Vicky just hates us because she had the trots after a bad Parmo once. 

Wtf is a Parmo?
--

Vicky Conlan wrote:
> According to :
>> Vicky just hates us because she had the trots after a bad Parmo once. 
> 
> Wtf is a Parmo?

It's our national dish in the Peoples' Republic of Teeside. Here's a 
definition from urbandictionary :

Parmo
	
A middlesborough creation that consists of cheap chicken soaked in even 
cheaper processed cheese, deep fried in breadcrumbs and knocked out to 
unsuspecting passing drunks

A cheap rendition of a chicken kiev

'man im pissed and know nothing about food - lets get a parmo!'

-- 
"Watching Newcastle and Boro fans attempt to score points off each other 
is truly just like watching two bald men fight over a comb."
sjmbeef on 606

Tommo ³ wrote:

> 
> It's our national dish in the Peoples' Republic of Teeside. Here's a 
> definition from urbandictionary :
> 
> Parmo
>     
> A middlesborough creation that consists of cheap chicken soaked in even 
> cheaper processed cheese, deep fried in breadcrumbs and knocked out to 
> unsuspecting passing drunks
> 
> A cheap rendition of a chicken kiev
> 
> 'man im pissed and know nothing about food - lets get a parmo!'
> 

Don'y you have kebabs in Teesside?

nigel wrote:
> Tommo ³ wrote:
> 
>>
>> It's our national dish in the Peoples' Republic of Teeside. Here's a 
>> definition from urbandictionary :
>>
>> Parmo
>>     A middlesborough creation that consists of cheap chicken soaked in 
>> even cheaper processed cheese, deep fried in breadcrumbs and knocked 
>> out to unsuspecting passing drunks
>>
>> A cheap rendition of a chicken kiev
>>
>> 'man im pissed and know nothing about food - lets get a parmo!'
>>
> 
> Don'y you have kebabs in Teesside?
> 

Well yes. We're not heathens y'know :o)

-- 
"Watching Newcastle and Boro fans attempt to score points off each other 
is truly just like watching two bald men fight over a comb."
sjmbeef on 606

"Tommo ³"  wrote in message 
news:oPadneOiHvd33jra4p2dnAA@bt.com...
> Sir Benjamin Nunn wrote:
>> I'm not even sure Boro have had a 0-0 this season. I know for a fact 
>> they've had a load of 2-1s and 1-2s that were 1-1 until the last few 
>> minutes!
>>
>
> We've only had a single 0-0 away to Bolton in November this season.

How many 0-0's away to Bolton in November would you expect in a typical 
season?

Surely one is enough.


-- 
Joe

"I am the fat puddin', but a single puddingness" - Vicky Conlan

Joe Horowitz wrote:
> "Tommo ³"  wrote in message 

>> We've only had a single 0-0 away to Bolton in November this season.
> 
> How many 0-0's away to Bolton in November would you expect in a typical 
> season?

Err, 20 or so according to Vicky. And that's in a short month.

> Surely one is enough.

We'll never put a man on the Sun with that sort of attitude.

"Tommo ³"  wrote in message 
news:5p-dnYnOdpojJzranZ2dnUVZ8sijnZ2d@bt.com...
> Joe Horowitz wrote:
>> How many 0-0's away to Bolton in November would you expect in a typical 
>> season?
>
> Err, 20 or so according to Vicky. And that's in a short month.

Well, she is currently winning the SBL.  And if her mood swings are anything 
to go by, _every_ month is a short month.  This all must be connected in 
some strange way but I'd rather not put my finger on it.

>> Surely one is enough.
> We'll never put a man on the Sun with that sort of attitude.

I'm glad you'll never put me on the Sun.


-- 
Joe

"I am the fat puddin', but a single puddingness" - Vicky Conlan

On Feb 5, 3:26 pm, "Joe Horowitz" <my_n...@youblunder.co.youghey>
wrote:
> "Tommo ³"  wrote in message
>
> > Err, 20 or so according to Vicky. And that's in a short month.
>
> Well, she is currently winning the SBL.  And if her mood swings are anything
> to go by, _every_ month is a short month.  This all must be connected in> some strange way but I'd rather not put my finger on it.
>

Hmm. The more I read, the more I believe we are approaching the
imminent End Of Teh Days. Scientists tell us that as the universe
approaches the Great Splattering Event, time will appear to speed up -
hence the short months. Plus you have the distinct possibility that
Joe will win the Superheores this season. If Ben pops up and says that
he has found a meaningful and fulfilling relationship with a laydee
I'll barricade myself in the cellar and put my tinfoil hat on.

Apocalyptic times.

M

"Mister M"  wrote in message 
news:4967898f-4707-438e-986a-5d38734f2dad@i12g2000prf.googlegroups.com...
> If Ben pops up and says that
> he has found a meaningful and fulfilling relationship with a laydee
> I'll barricade myself in the cellar and put my tinfoil hat on.

Funny you should say that, Martin.  The great man and I have
devised a brilliant, fool-proof scheme that, if all goes according to
plan, will see my Facebook stalker become BTN's loving wife and
the mother to his children.

And, consequently, not my stalker anymore.

Everyone will be a winner.

Probably.


-- 
Mike

Mister M  wrote in news:4967898f-4707-438e-
986a-5d38734f2dad@i12g2000prf.googlegroups.com:

> Hmm. The more I read, the more I believe we are approaching the
> imminent End Of Teh Days. Scientists tell us that as the universe
> approaches the Great Splattering Event, time will appear to speed up -
> hence the short months. Plus you have the distinct possibility that
> Joe will win the Superheores this season. If Ben pops up and says that
> he has found a meaningful and fulfilling relationship with a laydee
> I'll barricade myself in the cellar and put my tinfoil hat on.
> 
> Apocalyptic times.
> 

It's because I'm heading up north to initiate Shambhala this year, Mart. 
I've been away 20 years and I'm finally returning the world to it's 
righteous state of peace, tranquility and happiness. Slowly, starting 
with East London, I'll be bringing on paradise with the centre, 
Olmolungring centred just outside of Hednesford.

Joe will leave Usenet to go and live ghey on Faecebook. Ben will get 
married and have a couple of kids, their names will be..., well, we've 
already been over this. Mikey will be shown the way to leave UKSF, but 
strangely, will elect to stay. Paul C will undergo a Dr Who-like 
transformation and end up as a young choir boy called Neil with soft 
downy pubes and buns like jelly on a bedspring. Poleson will sober up, 
start running  triathlons, Roo will develop a taste for nonny nonny music 
etc...

And you will be fucking marooned with your family as the South Pacific 
wilts into a melanomic hell hole.

Karma, it's a bitch.

-- 
Cheers, Os

"Joe Horowitz" <my_name@youblunder.co.youghey> wrote in message 
news:JPNpj.87750$Kt4.2968@fe3.news.blueyonder.co.uk...
>
> "Tommo ³"  wrote in message 
> news:oPadneOiHvd33jra4p2dnAA@bt.com...
>> Sir Benjamin Nunn wrote:
>>> I'm not even sure Boro have had a 0-0 this season. I know for a fact 
>>> they've had a load of 2-1s and 1-2s that were 1-1 until the last few 
>>> minutes!
>>>
>>
>> We've only had a single 0-0 away to Bolton in November this season.
>
> How many 0-0's away to Bolton in November would you expect in a typical 
> season?
>
> Surely one is enough.


Heh. I like questions like this.

For a current Premiership team, I suspect the expectation is around 0.025.

But if one extends the scope of the sample, then the expectation is far 
lower. For instance, my penis can expect a 0-0 away to Bolton in November 
approximately 0.00000000000000000000001 times per season, mostly because 
it's not in the same division and Bolton and it doesn't even play football.

BTN

According to :
>>> We've only had a single 0-0 away to Bolton in November this season.
>> 
>> How many 0-0's away to Bolton in November would you expect in a typical 
>> season?
>
>Err, 20 or so according to Vicky. And that's in a short month.

I don't believe I mentioned a number.  In fact, I don't believe I said
that you had them at all.  I just mentioned that in my head there is
an automatic association with Boro and 0-0.  I didn't ever make the
outrageous claim that my head had any relation at all to reality.

--

According to <my_name@youblunder.co.youghey>:
>>> Surely one is enough.
>> We'll never put a man on the Sun with that sort of attitude.
>I'm glad you'll never put me on the Sun.

You don't have the tits for it.
--

"Vicky Conlan"  wrote in message 
news:fo9ej6$1rir$1@magenta.plig.net...
> According to :
>>>> We've only had a single 0-0 away to Bolton in November this season.
>>>
>>> How many 0-0's away to Bolton in November would you expect in a typical
>>> season?
>>
>>Err, 20 or so according to Vicky. And that's in a short month.
>
> I don't believe I mentioned a number.  In fact, I don't believe I said
> that you had them at all.  I just mentioned that in my head there is
> an automatic association with Boro and 0-0.  I didn't ever make the
> outrageous claim that my head had any relation at all to reality.


Your head is about as related to reality as Nick is to your kids, tbh.

BTN

According to :
>> I don't believe I mentioned a number.  In fact, I don't believe I said
>> that you had them at all.  I just mentioned that in my head there is
>> an automatic association with Boro and 0-0.  I didn't ever make the
>> outrageous claim that my head had any relation at all to reality.
>
>Your head is about as related to reality as Nick is to your kids, tbh.

Blimey.  I hadn't realised things were /that/ bad.

--

"Osbourne Ruddock"  wrote in message 
news:Xns9A3BCC7159B0Cstrikeboyhotmailcom@130.133.1.4...
> Joe will leave Usenet to go and live ghey on Faecebook. Ben will get
> married and have a couple of kids, their names will be..., well, we've
> already been over this. Mikey will be shown the way to leave UKSF, but
> strangely, will elect to stay.

Never.  I'm three months shy of the tenth anniversary of my first post
to Youksef (BTN's anniversary is 13 days later, for those of you who
like to keep tabs on such things). Ten fucking years.  As soon as I
figure out where the exit door is around here, I'm gone for good.

I'll probably go and live with Joe on teh Facebook.  It may not be any
healthier than Youksef but at least girls try to hit on me over there.

That's got to count for something.


-- 
Mike

"Michael Cunningham"  wrote in message 
news:fo9roh$c53$1@aioe.org...
> Never.  I'm three months shy of the tenth anniversary of my first post
> to Youksef (BTN's anniversary is 13 days later, for those of you who
> like to keep tabs on such things). Ten fucking years.  As soon as I
> figure out where the exit door is around here, I'm gone for good.

Youksef seems to be a bit like that room in 'Human Nature' where Tim Robbins 
tells his story.  There's exits all over but they all lead back into the 
room.

It sucks.

> I'll probably go and live with Joe on teh Facebook.  It may not be any
> healthier than Youksef but at least girls try to hit on me over there.

The words 'try to hit' and 'me over' are probably extraneous in that 
sentence.

> That's got to count for something.

*pokes Mikey*


-- 
Joe

"I am the fat puddin', but a single puddingness" - Vicky Conlan

"Joe Horowitz" <my_name@youblunder.co.youghey> wrote in message 
news:6J_pj.91679$Kt4.20246@fe3.news.blueyonder.co.uk...
> Youksef seems to be a bit like that room in 'Human Nature' where Tim 
> Robbins tells his story.  There's exits all over but they all lead back 
> into the room.
>
> It sucks.

AWTWP.  The only thing I find that makes it all bearable is the knowledge
that cunts like Poleson and Conlan have been here even longer.

Suckers.

>> That's got to count for something.
>
> *pokes Mikey*

*Sends Joe a 'Be My Valentine' request*


-- 
Mike

"Michael Cunningham"  wrote in message 
news:fo9u96$kmp$1@aioe.org...
> AWTWP.  The only thing I find that makes it all bearable is the knowledge
> that cunts like Poleson and Conlan have been here even longer.
>
> Suckers.

AWTWP.  For me it's even better, because there's even more poor cunts who've 
been here longer.  Except Ben, of course, who's a relative newbie and 
probably doesn't even quite realise yet what he's in for.

>> *pokes Mikey*
> *Sends Joe a 'Be My Valentine' request*

*votes Mikey 100% Hot or Not*


-- 
Joe

"I am the fat puddin', but a single puddingness" - Vicky Conlan

Michael Cunningham wrote:

> count

ITHTSITD?

Mister M wrote:
> On Feb 5, 3:26 pm, "Joe Horowitz" <my_n...@youblunder.co.youghey>
> wrote:
>> "Tommo ³"  wrote in message
>>
>>> Err, 20 or so according to Vicky. And that's in a short month.
>> Well, she is currently winning the SBL.  And if her mood swings are anything
>> to go by, _every_ month is a short month.  This all must be connected in
>> some strange way but I'd rather not put my finger on it.
>>
> 
> Hmm. The more I read, the more I believe we are approaching the
> imminent End Of Teh Days. Scientists tell us that as the universe
> approaches the Great Splattering Event, time will appear to speed up -
> hence the short months. Plus you have the distinct possibility that
> Joe will win the Superheores this season. If Ben pops up and says that
> he has found a meaningful and fulfilling relationship with a laydee
> I'll barricade myself in the cellar and put my tinfoil hat on.
> 
> Apocalyptic times.
> 
> M

I think there are two scenarios : One where the universe stops expanding 
and falls back in on itself for another big bang. Perhaps one of many. 
This would see time move backwards jut at the point of optimum suction.

The other is the slightly sad prospect of a dimming universe where the 
stars all die and the lights go out slowly.

I must mention that I'm a retard though, so you're probably best to 
disregard. Also, by this time we could end up being atoms in an an 
alien's penis, so bring it on I say.

-- 
"Watching Newcastle and Boro fans attempt to score points off each other 
is truly just like watching two bald men fight over a comb."
sjmbeef on 606

Vicky Conlan wrote:
> According to :
>>>> We've only had a single 0-0 away to Bolton in November this season.
>>> How many 0-0's away to Bolton in November would you expect in a typical 
>>> season?
>> Err, 20 or so according to Vicky. And that's in a short month.
> 
> I don't believe I mentioned a number.  In fact, I don't believe I said
> that you had them at all.  I just mentioned that in my head there is
> an automatic association with Boro and 0-0.  I didn't ever make the
> outrageous claim that my head had any relation at all to reality.
> 

Must admit I call them "Boro Nil" in jest, but usually there are plenty 
of goals at the other end.

"Tommo ³"  wrote in message 
news:edCdnZLtH8Q9EjXanZ2dnUVZ8h6dnZ2d@bt.com...

>> Hmm. The more I read, the more I believe we are approaching the
>> imminent End Of Teh Days. Scientists tell us that as the universe
>> approaches the Great Splattering Event, time will appear to speed up -
>> hence the short months. Plus you have the distinct possibility that
>> Joe will win the Superheores this season. If Ben pops up and says that
>> he has found a meaningful and fulfilling relationship with a laydee
>> I'll barricade myself in the cellar and put my tinfoil hat on.
>>
>> Apocalyptic times.
>>
>
> I think there are two scenarios : One where the universe stops expanding 
> and falls back in on itself for another big bang. Perhaps one of many. 
> This would see time move backwards jut at the point of optimum suction.


Right, so just as I'm cuddling up to GIL, and she's decided that deep in her 
heart she really lovely me and she wants to spend the rest of eternity with 
me... everything starts moving backwards, and I have to relive my 
rubbishcunt existence in reverse.

Fuck that! I'd prefer the slightly sad prospect of a dimming universe where 
the stars all die and the lights go out slowly.


> The other is the slightly sad prospect of a dimming universe where the 
> stars all die and the lights go out slowly.


That's right, the slightly sad prospect of a dimming universe where the 
stars all die and the lights go out slowly, yes.

BTN

"Tommo ³"  wrote in message 
news:c8mdnYdjrfZcDTXanZ2dnUVZ8svinZ2d@bt.com...
> Vicky Conlan wrote:
>> According to :
>>>>> We've only had a single 0-0 away to Bolton in November this season.
>>>> How many 0-0's away to Bolton in November would you expect in a typical 
>>>> season?
>>> Err, 20 or so according to Vicky. And that's in a short month.
>>
>> I don't believe I mentioned a number.  In fact, I don't believe I said
>> that you had them at all.  I just mentioned that in my head there is
>> an automatic association with Boro and 0-0.  I didn't ever make the
>> outrageous claim that my head had any relation at all to reality.
>>
>
> Must admit I call them "Boro Nil" in jest, but usually there are plenty of 
> goals at the other end.


Not when we play there!111one11

BTN

"Vicky Conlan"  wrote in message 
news:fo9etk$1rir$2@magenta.plig.net...
> According to <my_name@youblunder.co.youghey>:
>>>> Surely one is enough.
>>> We'll never put a man on the Sun with that sort of attitude.
>>I'm glad you'll never put me on the Sun.
>
> You don't have the tits for it.

Oh, and you do?


-- 
Joe

"I am the fat puddin', but a single puddingness" - Vicky Conlan

"Sir Benjamin Nunn"  wrote in message 
news:60qqonF1shhthU1@mid.individual.net...
> Heh. I like questions like this. For a current Premiership team, I suspect 
> the expectation is around 0.025.
>
> But if one extends the scope of the sample, then the expectation is far 
> lower. For instance, my penis can expect a 0-0 away to Bolton in November 
> approximately 0.00000000000000000000001 times per season, mostly because 
> it's not in the same division and Bolton and it doesn't even play 
> football.

Ladbrokes are offering odds of 0.00000000000000000000003.

That has to be worth a few youks.


-- 
Joe

"I am the fat puddin', but a single puddingness" - Vicky Conlan

According to <my_name@youblunder.co.youghey>:
>>>>> Surely one is enough.
>>>> We'll never put a man on the Sun with that sort of attitude.
>>>I'm glad you'll never put me on the Sun.
>> You don't have the tits for it.
>Oh, and you do?

I believe this is where all the best tits can be found:
http://www.uksf.org.uk/archive/humour/2001/tits.html
--

"Vicky Conlan"  wrote in message 
news:foatvl$5mb$1@magenta.plig.net...
> I believe this is where all the best tits can be found:
> http://www.uksf.org.uk/archive/humour/2001/tits.html

I'm not sure that gag has aged all that well.


-- 
Mike

"Tommo ³"  wrote in message 
news:edCdnZLtH8Q9EjXanZ2dnUVZ8h6dnZ2d@bt.com...
> I must mention that I'm a retard though, so you're probably best to 
> disregard. Also, by this time we could end up being atoms in an an alien's 
> penis, so bring it on I say.

But who's to say we're not that already, hmm?


-- 
Mike

According to :
>> I believe this is where all the best tits can be found:
>> http://www.uksf.org.uk/archive/humour/2001/tits.html
>I'm not sure that gag has aged all that well.

:-<

--

"Vicky Conlan"  wrote in message
news:foc3ba$pqg$1@magenta.plig.net...
>>I'm not sure that gag has aged all that well.
>
> :-<

It's Poleson who should be doing a sad face, Vicky.  As the writer of the
gag and supreme ruler of the universe, he should really have had the
foresight to see it would become a bit dated seven years later.

Or maybe it's due to come back into fashion in a couple of millenia.
Comedy can be a fickle mistress.


-- 
Mike

"Michael Cunningham"  wrote in message 
news:foch24$pj3$1@aioe.org...
> "Vicky Conlan"  wrote in message
> news:foc3ba$pqg$1@magenta.plig.net...
>>>I'm not sure that gag has aged all that well.
>>
>> :-<
>
> It's Poleson who should be doing a sad face, Vicky.  As the writer of the
> gag and supreme ruler of the universe, he should really have had the
> foresight to see it would become a bit dated seven years later.
>
> Or maybe it's due to come back into fashion in a couple of millenia.
> Comedy can be a fickle mistress.


AWTWP. Remember that old saying:

'Comedy - the GIL of Comedy'

BTN