Probably been seen a thousand times before...but I thought it was
funny!

Kate

from: http://www.sff.net/paradise/overlord.html

102. I will design my ship's tactical systems so that I do not have to
personally direct every single shot fired.
103. I will put surge suppressors in the circuitry of my ship, so that
a shot striking some distant portion does not cause a control panel on
the bridge to explode.
104. I will design my ships so that command and control functions
cannot be hot-wired from a wall panel in the recreation bay.
105. I will design redundancy into all ship systems, so that the loss
of one component will not cripple the entire vessel.
106. When combat is imminent, my ship's computer will be programmed so
that enemy troops beaming aboard will be immediately beamed into empty
space, or the originating ship's reactor core if possible. It will
also deliver a kilo of antimatter to the bridge of the ship in
question.
107. When the enemy ship decloaks and is arming weapons, I will
immediately open fire on it, instead of waiting for it to fire three
or four times.
108. When a comrade defects to the enemy, I will have all passwords
changed, and as soon as it is practical I will have the computer
disconnected, its memory flushed, and the approved software reloaded
from the original secured CD-ROMs.
109. Anyone who cannot be entertained by books, music, a good game of
cards and a well-stocked bar will not be allowed to crew my ship.
Hence there will be no need for a holodeck on my ship.
110. After capturing a space station from an enemy, I will have the
enemy's computer systems removed, melted down into slag, and dumped
into the nearest stellar object. A new computer will then be
installed.
111. If a crew member is a sanctimonious coward who continually gets
us all into trouble through his greed, I shall, after the third or
fourth episode of this behavior, act to preserve myself and other
comrades only, and let him be destroyed by the mess he made for
himself.
112. Under no circumstance will I agree to not develop or employ any
particular technology.
113. If I have a technologically superior foe who is intent on
eliminating my whole civilization, and I am offered a means of utterly
annihilating this foe for all time, I will use it.
114. I will install seatbelts in my space vessels, and have pressure
suits and pressure locks at regular intervals.
115. Technology that chronically malfunctions will be removed from my
ship.
116. To prevent the computer from being reprogrammed by every Tom,
Dick and Harry that sneaks on board, its software will be stored in
ROM chips that are soldered to the motherboard; RAM will be reserved
for data only.
117. I will design the greatest possible degree of manual back-up into
my space vessels, so that when my on-board computer begins to act
strangely, I can power it down via a switch located next to my seat on
the bridge, and yet not be left totally helpless.
118. I will not allow anyone to read the technical manuals and
blueprints of my ship unless they work in Ops or Engineering and
therefore have a need-to-know. All personnel will be properly cleared
prior to assignment to Ops or Engineering. The technical manuals and
blueprints of a totally fictitious craft will be freely available.
119. If my ship's drive or weapons systems require lengthy charge
times between uses, I shall research and develop equipment that can
handle a heavier duty cycle.
120. My ship's computer will have a clock rate of at least one
megahertz and be programmed in C or assembler so that important
calculations take a few milliseconds instead of an hour or so.
121. If a member of my crew can perfectly mimic my voice giving the
commands to take control of my ship, additional security measures they
cannot mimic will be added, such as palmprints or retinal scans.
122. If my ship is constantly being bugged, robbed, invaded, or taken
over, I will replace my security officer, no matter how cool a
character he is.
123. If knowledge of the operating frequency of a ship's system aids
in efforts to disable that system, I will employ an arcane development
known as "frequency-hopping."
124. Before letting crewmembers take leave on a planet, I will ensure
that they are welcome and that its government recognizes concepts like
Rule of Law, Trial by Jury, Presumption of Innocence, and so forth. I
will also check out the local laws so that none of my crew ends up on
death row for scratching his nose in public or some other stupid
thing.
125. If one of my crewmembers is unjustly imprisoned and/or condemned,
and the officials with whom I speak express a marked disinterest in
his actual guilt or innocence, I will not waste time trying to gather
exonerating evidence. Instead, I will immediately mount a rescue
mission.
126. When beaming into hostile territory I will instruct my
transporter chief to beam me into a defensible position, with the
landing party facing outwards in a circle. I will have my weapon in my
hand (not my pocket) before I beam down.
127. If I beam off of a vessel that is still hostile, I will arrange
to leave behind as large an explosive device as I can obtain.
128. I will not have both rotating and non-rotating sections on a
ship. If I need rotational gravity, I will spin the whole ship. Any
navigational computer that cannot deal with this will be replaced with
one that can.
129. I will follow the advice of my Chief Medical Officer. If I am not
at 100% of my usual level of physical fitness, I will stick to desk
duty unless the fate of something genuinely important hangs in the
balance.
130. I will assume that all super-weapons are operational until proven
otherwise, especially if they appear to be unguarded.
131. All critical data and software will be backed up in off-line
storage.
132. A random alien's claims about his/her/its race's cultural values
and attitudes will be given no more credence than a random human's
claims about human cultural values and attitudes.
133. My crew shall be trained in the fine arts of tactical combat,
such as dispersing assets, walking point, advance, flank and rear
guards, etc.
134. I will not throw infantry into close-quarter combat with
creatures of leviathan stature, but shall turn such affairs over to
the artillery crew.
135. If my ship is whisked to the far side of the galaxy, leaving us
with a seventy-year journey home, and a super-being offers to take us
home instantly in exchange for having his baby, I'll agree and ask
what we can get for two babies.
136. If anyone beams down and their personal communicator drops
carrier, all life forms within ten meters of the last known location
shall be beamed directly to the brig. A large well-armed security
detail will be waiting.
137. The people in charge of Sick Bay, Engineering, and R&D will not
be the only people staffing those functions, nor shall they accompany
away teams.
138. I will not ask "What does God need with a space ship?" and then
order a torpedo strike. I will order the torpedo strike first, and
ponder theology on the trip home.
139. My people will be assigned duties commensurate with their skills.
I will not task pilots with leading a ground assault, infiltrating
enemy camps, etc.
140. If I board a derelict ship, and it appears that the former crew
and passengers all died in some horrible fashion, I will immediately
leave the ship, destroy it, and toss the wreckage into the nearest
stellar object.
141. If I am in red alert status and discover that it was a false
alarm, I will stay in red alert for a while before standing down.
142. Anyone I imprison will be stripped, scanned, and given a prison
uniform. This will prevent them from assembling weapons from pieces
hidden in their regular clothes.
143. Any crew member who begins to act strangely will be immediately
relieved of duty and confined to the sick bay, pending a complete
screening to determine if their personality has been subverted.
144. I will not let the Whiz Kid conduct research aboard my ship. If
he's got a theory that he's itching to test, I will deposit him on an
uninhabited planet in friendly space, and make sure that I'm out of
the system before he's done unpacking.
145. I will not depart the starbase unless my complement of Marines
are on board.
146. I will hold repel-boarders drills on my ship. These drills will
be held at random hours so that everyone learns what in Klotho's name
they're supposed to be doing, no matter what the circumstances.
147. My junior officers will be notified that Academy cadets cannot be
field-commissioned, and should they come upon a ship crewed entirely
by such, they will immediately take command and return them to where
they can receive adult supervision.
148. I will never send the infantry down on missions that are better
suited for orbital bombardment.
149. If the issued zap guns have "stun" and "kill" modes, they will be
set to the former only when the user is about to fire at something
that is wanted alive.
150. If my opponent can adapt to various forms of attack, rendering
them useless, I will use some imagination and start attacking in as
many different ways as possible.