My Grandma died this afternoon after a short time in hospital. I didn't go 
to see her to say goodbye and now I feel really bad. I choose not to but I 
feel really guilty even though I know she would be cross at me for feeling 
like this.

I have not experienced a great deal of coping with death and just feel 
overwhelmed.

Jennie

Jennie wrote:
> My Grandma died this afternoon after a short time in hospital. I didn't go 
> to see her to say goodbye and now I feel really bad. I choose not to but I 
> feel really guilty even though I know she would be cross at me for feeling 
> like this.
> 
> I have not experienced a great deal of coping with death and just feel 
> overwhelmed.
> 
> Jennie 
> 
> 
Sorry for your loss, I can remember feeling very upset when my Gran 
died, especially as she was the only grandparent I had known. They are 
so much a part of our childhood, the sense of loss is overwhelming 
sometimes. Try to remember the good feelings associated with her, and be 
sure she would not want you to be unhappy.

Jennie burbled:

>My Grandma died this afternoon after a short time in hospital. 

Awww - sorry about that.

Do something that she would have liked e.g. an activity or give to a
charity she gave to.
-- 
Sheel          (Change me to me2 to email.)

Printer not ready. Do you have a pen? 

This signature was made by SigChanger.
You can find SigChanger at: http://www.phranc.nl/

On Thu, 28 Aug 2008 18:20:58 +0100, Jennie wrote:

>My Grandma died this afternoon after a short time in hospital. I didn't go 
>to see her to say goodbye and now I feel really bad. I choose not to but I 
>feel really guilty even though I know she would be cross at me for feeling 
>like this.

You have my sympathy.

I didn't visit my Gran before she died either, and even worse I used
my baby as an excuse to not go to the funeral.  Big mistake - I should
have gone - and I did feel guilty for a while.  I just hated that she
got ill and I felt that she wasn't my Gran any more. My Gran had "gone
away" a year before her body gave up. 

 After a while it got easier to remember the good times - playing hide
and seek behind the plants in her garden, making toast with a toasting
fork at the open fire, taking the empty Corona bottles back to the van
when we went to choose new (full) bottles, eating the generously thick
and crispy pancakes she made one lunch time. (Yes, my Gran loved
food!)  Hang on to your good memories.
-- 
Liz

"Liz"  a écrit dans le message de news: 
33qdb4lhso91jas0jq3fvvm8i48219rupn@4ax.com...
> On Thu, 28 Aug 2008 18:20:58 +0100, Jennie wrote:
>
>>My Grandma died this afternoon after a short time in hospital. I didn't go
>>to see her to say goodbye and now I feel really bad. I choose not to but I
>>feel really guilty even though I know she would be cross at me for feeling
>>like this.
>
> You have my sympathy.
>
> I didn't visit my Gran before she died either, and even worse I used
> my baby as an excuse to not go to the funeral.  Big mistake - I should
> have gone - and I did feel guilty for a while.  I just hated that she
> got ill and I felt that she wasn't my Gran any more. My Gran had "gone
> away" a year before her body gave up.
>
> After a while it got easier to remember the good times - playing hide
> and seek behind the plants in her garden, making toast with a toasting
> fork at the open fire, taking the empty Corona bottles back to the van
> when we went to choose new (full) bottles, eating the generously thick
> and crispy pancakes she made one lunch time. (Yes, my Gran loved
> food!)  Hang on to your good memories.

Memory is a many splendoured mystery... hang on to it and try to do what 
your Grandma would have liked you to do in such difficult times. My Grandma 
loved to watch me reading and tell her about books she could not read 
anymore : so when she died I chose a book, thinking of her.

Jennie warbled...
> My Grandma died this afternoon after a short time in hospital. I didn't go 
> to see her to say goodbye and now I feel really bad. I choose not to but I 
> feel really guilty even though I know she would be cross at me for feeling 
> like this.
> 
> I have not experienced a great deal of coping with death and just feel 
> overwhelmed.
> 
More bad news.
<BigUg>

So sorry, and I hope you can come to terms with not going to the 
hospital. I'm sure that you did what you thought at the time was best 
and I'm equally sure it wasn't an easy decision. Sadly, there are no 
second chances for things like that, so please try to accept that your 
gran would have understood how you felt perfectly, and wouldn't have had 
you feel any more uncomfortable than you already did.

-- 
Bev.

Please take time to read the Charter & FAQs for uk.education.staffroom:
http://staffroom.wikispaces.com/Charter
http://staffroom.wikispaces.com/FAQs+for+ues

Liz warbled...
> I didn't visit my Gran before she died either, and even worse I used
> my baby as an excuse to not go to the funeral.  Big mistake - I should
> have gone - and I did feel guilty for a while.  I just hated that she
> got ill and I felt that she wasn't my Gran any more. My Gran had "gone
> away" a year before her body gave up. 
> 
My gran was relatively healthy until a very short while before her death 
in hospital 2 days after her 90th birthday.
My sister couldn't bring herself to visit at all, and felt guilty about 
it for ages afterward.
Me - I visited daily but I had a different kind of guilt. My Mum would 
be sitting at the bedside willing her not to give up, and all I saw was 
a frail old husk of a lady who'd had a good innings and was now tired 
and ready for the end... so where my mum would be whispering words of 
encouragement, I'd be telling her that we loved her and would miss her 
but it was OK to let go and rest. My first feeling after she died was 
one of relief that she'd done just that - the guilt didn't set in for 
several days, but it lasted longer than the feeling of relief.
-- 
Bev.

Please take time to read the Charter & FAQs for uk.education.staffroom:
http://staffroom.wikispaces.com/Charter
http://staffroom.wikispaces.com/FAQs+for+ues

Jennie wented:
>My Grandma died this afternoon after a short time in hospital.

Hi Jennie. Not really sure what to say to you that will help, so a
virtual hug and a virtual bar of chocolate is the best I can manage.

I never knew one of my grandmas and barely knew the other, and similarly
with my granddads,  and my parents are alive, even if no longer kicking,
so I can't say that I I've been there.
-- 
greebs

"Bev"  wrote in message 
news:MPG.23210a84be89700498af79@news.fireflyuk.net...

Jennie, you have my thoughts.

>>
> My gran was relatively healthy until a very short while before her death
> in hospital 2 days after her 90th birthday.
> My sister couldn't bring herself to visit at all, and felt guilty about
> it for ages afterward.
> Me - I visited daily but I had a different kind of guilt. My Mum would
> be sitting at the bedside willing her not to give up, and all I saw was
> a frail old husk of a lady who'd had a good innings and was now tired
> and ready for the end... so where my mum would be whispering words of
> encouragement, I'd be telling her that we loved her and would miss her
> but it was OK to let go and rest. My first feeling after she died was
> one of relief that she'd done just that - the guilt didn't set in for
> several days, but it lasted longer than the feeling of relief.

My experience was different.  I also told my Mum we loved her but it was 
time to go as Dad was so unhappy seeing her as she was in the hospital.  I 
have never [yet] felt guilty, even when I saw his grief, but did feel the 
relief, as the body in the bed, at the end, was not my Mum.
With Dad it was different.  Though I agreed to the DNR, I willed him to 
live.  When he died, I didn't feel any guilt, but it was a couple of weeks 
before the relief, at the thought that he was no longer unhappy without her, 
set in.

-- 
Kathy

It's pointless to try and discuss ethics with a spider.

On Aug 28, 6:20 pm, "Jennie"  wrote:
> My Grandma died this afternoon after a short time in hospital. I didn't go
> to see her to say goodbye and now I feel really bad. I choose not to but I
> feel really guilty even though I know she would be cross at me for feeling
> like this.
>
> I have not experienced a great deal of coping with death and just feel
> overwhelmed.
>
> Jennie

Sorry folks am google groping again. I was just telling myself to
switch the computer off and have a bath and an early night when the
fan casing snapped and my computer switched itself off. I think I was
being told!

I have never really believed in spiritualism at all but something
strange hqappened yesterday. As my Grandma had just died a Lancaster
plane flew over the hospital. My Grandpa was in the RAF and flew
Lancaster planes. Their guest house in Paignton was named the
Lancaster guest house because of this.

Both my mum and her sister were stunned by it.
Jennie

On Fri, 29 Aug 2008 03:53:04 -0700 (PDT), Jennie wrote:

<><
>I have never really believed in spiritualism at all but something
>strange hqappened yesterday. As my Grandma had just died a Lancaster
>plane flew over the hospital. My Grandpa was in the RAF and flew
>Lancaster planes. Their guest house in Paignton was named the
>Lancaster guest house because of this.
>
>Both my mum and her sister were stunned by it.
>Jennie

That IS spooky!  You so rarely see a Lancaster now.  Google tells me
that there is only one that still flies in Britain - part of the
Battle of Britain Memorial Flight.
-- 
Liz

Jennie burbled:


>I have never really believed in spiritualism at all but something
>strange hqappened yesterday. As my Grandma had just died a Lancaster
>plane flew over the hospital. My Grandpa was in the RAF and flew
>Lancaster planes. Their guest house in Paignton was named the
>Lancaster guest house because of this.
>
>Both my mum and her sister were stunned by it.
>Jennie

I'm sure there are things that happen like that for a reason that
humans can't understand.
-- 
Sheel          (Change me to me2 to email.)

Printer not ready. Do you have a pen? 

This signature was made by SigChanger.
You can find SigChanger at: http://www.phranc.nl/

On Aug 28, 1:20�pm, "Jennie"  wrote:
> My Grandma died this afternoon after a short time in hospital. I didn't go
> to see her to say goodbye and now I feel really bad. I choose not to but I
> feel really guilty even though I know she would be cross at me for feeling
> like this.
>
> I have not experienced a great deal of coping with death and just feel
> overwhelmed.
>
> Jennie

You'll feel really confused for a while. Don't feel bad though, about
not going to see her. Remember, she'll want you to remember HER as
WELL, not as ill. Your memory of her is what's important - and it'll
be a more pleasurable one than if you'd been at her bedside. Most
family would want you to remember them as healthy and happy. Funerals
are for those left behind, not for those who have died, really, if you
think about it. It's closure. You probably feel you haven't had
closure because of not going to see her. But you chose not to remember
her as an ill, frail woman. You chose to remember her fondly, as I
said above - healthy, happy, or however she was when you most enjoyed
being with her.

I've unfortunately had a LOT of experience coping with death. In time,
your feelings will sort themselves out. Keep on a schedule, if you
can, because that helps. Grief is an odd thing...it comes out at the
weirdest times, subsides at the oddest times. You'll get through it...