As you were asking for Scottish jokes the other day, and as St.Paddy's day
dawns closer, here are some pearls of The "oirish" wisdom for you..

A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, 
   "I almost had an affair with another woman." 

  The priest said, "What do you mean, almost?" 

  The Irishman said, "Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but 
   then I stopped." 

  The priest said, "Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. 
  You're not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail 
  Mary's and put $50 in the poor box." 

  The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked 
   over  to the poor box. He paused for a moment and then started to 
  leave. 
   The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, "I saw 
  that.You didn't put any money in the poor box!" 

  The Irishman replied, "Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and 
   according to you, that's the same as putting it in!" 

  ~~~~~~~

An elderly man walks into a confessional. The following conversation 
  ensues: Man: "I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, 
   many children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. Yesterday, I 
  picked 
   up two college girls, hitchhiking. We went to a motel, where I had 
  sex 
   with each of them three times." 

  Priest: "Are you sorry for your sins?" 

  Man: "What sins?" 

  Priest: "What kind of a Catholic are you?" 

  Man: "I'm Jewish." 

  Priest: "Why are you telling me all this?" 

  Man: "I'm 92 years old .... I'm telling everybody."