Waiting at Musselburgh for the First Bus No 124 to North Berwick this 
morning. Nice day, school holidays, bus nearly full only three more allowed 
on. Next bus in an hour. The service was being operated by a new single 
decker, in the winter they were running a practically empty (old) double 
decker.
Derek.

On Wed, 13 Jul 2005 20:43:32 +0000 (UTC), whilst Carstairs had his
head thrust between the maids thighs a note arrived from our good
buddy "Derek F"  .
As Caruthers did not hear the bell, I answered it.
Our buddy, "Derek F"  wrote:


>Waiting at Musselburgh for the First Bus No 124 to North Berwick this 
>morning. Nice day, school holidays, bus nearly full only three more allowed 
>on. Next bus in an hour. The service was being operated by a new single 
>decker, in the winter they were running a practically empty (old) double 
>decker.
>Derek. 
>


Gosh!!!

"Grimsby"  wrote in message 
news:pi3cd1tchlcf3lfra4t5phl41d8bb9gb7t@4ax.com...

> On Wed, 13 Jul 2005 20:43:32 +0000 (UTC), whilst Carstairs had his
> head thrust between the maids thighs a note arrived from our good
> buddy "Derek F"  .
> As Caruthers did not hear the bell, I answered it.
> Our buddy, "Derek F"  wrote:
>
>>Waiting at Musselburgh for the First Bus No 124 to North Berwick this
>>morning. Nice day, school holidays, bus nearly full only three more 
>>allowed
>>on. Next bus in an hour. The service was being operated by a new single
>>decker, in the winter they were running a practically empty (old) double
>>decker.
>>Derek.
>>
>
> Gosh!!!

Yes, Golly Gosh:-) They should know that we Oldies with bus passes will be 
out in force on a nice day. Someone actually asked the driver if they would 
be putting on a Duplicate. Ah, for the good old days when SMT provided such 
a service.
Derek.

On Wed, 13 Jul 2005 20:43:32 +0000 (UTC), whilst Carstairs had his
head thrust between the maids thighs a note arrived from our good
buddy "Derek F"  .
As Caruthers did not hear the bell, I answered it.
Our buddy, "Derek F"  wrote:


>Nice day, school holidays, bus nearly full only three more allowed 
>on.


You seem to have time on your hands. Here is a problem for you to
ponder on whilst you are waiting for the bus. I am sure you can help
with this little problem.

After years of training and practice I can now shite perfectly shaped
shites, blunt at one end tapered at the other, (I have been told that
this stops the anus from closing with a bang. Evolution again. Closing
with a bang would have been a dead give away to predators!!), 9 to 12
inchers in length with a girth of 3inches without 'em touching the
cheeks of my arse. Not only that but my eyes no longer water nor do
they sink into the back of my head as the shit pulls away, my ears no
longer pop, and I don't feel it tear away from my inside and my arse
no longer gets frayed at the end . Its not perfect yet.  I still have
to use my rectal sphincter muscles to control the thickness and shape
so that my rectum does not get badly stretched and I still feel it
pull away from the back of my throat(!). Another thing skid marks no
longer appear. Thats a bonus! The only annoying  problems I have occur
after I have eaten pop corn. On the way out it feels like little razor
blades and pins. Also the shite is not so well shaped. The other is
the colour. It sometimes appears quite black. I put this down to what
I am drinking at the weekend. 

In the interests of perfection I would be interested in any advice
given.

Meatloaf

"ML"  wrote in message
news:4v6dd1dejcpk9co5a5fo1qf3ct3km4q005@4ax.com...

> On Wed, 13 Jul 2005 20:43:32 +0000 (UTC), whilst Carstairs had his
> head thrust between the maids thighs a note arrived from our good
> buddy "Derek F"  .
> As Caruthers did not hear the bell, I answered it.
> Our buddy, "Derek F"  wrote:
>
>>Nice day, school holidays, bus nearly full only three more allowed
>>on.
>
> You seem to have time on your hands. Here is a problem for you to
> ponder on whilst you are waiting for the bus. I am sure you can help
> with this little problem.
>
> After years of training and practice I can now shite perfectly shaped
> shites, blunt at one end tapered at the other, (I have been told that
> this stops the anus from closing with a bang. Evolution again. Closing
> with a bang would have been a dead give away to predators!!), 9 to 12
> inchers in length with a girth of 3inches without 'em touching the
> cheeks of my arse. Not only that but my eyes no longer water nor do
> they sink into the back of my head as the shit pulls away, my ears no
> longer pop, and I don't feel it tear away from my inside and my arse
> no longer gets frayed at the end . Its not perfect yet.  I still have
> to use my rectal sphincter muscles to control the thickness and shape
> so that my rectum does not get badly stretched and I still feel it
> pull away from the back of my throat(!). Another thing skid marks no
> longer appear. Thats a bonus! The only annoying  problems I have occur
> after I have eaten pop corn. On the way out it feels like little razor
> blades and pins. Also the shite is not so well shaped. The other is
> the colour. It sometimes appears quite black. I put this down to what
> I am drinking at the weekend.
>
> In the interests of perfection I would be interested in any advice
> given.
>
> Meatloaf

So long as you don't drop your load at the bus stop, carry on crapping. The
bus service is shite as well.
Derek.

> You seem to have time on your hands. Here is a problem for you to
> ponder on whilst you are waiting for the bus. I am sure you can help
> with this little problem.

> After years of training and practice I can now shite perfectly shaped
> shites, blunt at one end tapered at the other, (I have been told that
> this stops the anus from closing with a bang. Evolution again. Closing
> with a bang would have been a dead give away to predators!!), 9 to 12
> inchers in length with a girth of 3inches without 'em touching the
> cheeks of my arse. Not only that but my eyes no longer water nor do
> they sink into the back of my head as the shit pulls away, my ears no
> longer pop, and I don't feel it tear away from my inside and my arse
> no longer gets frayed at the end . Its not perfect yet.  I still have
> to use my rectal sphincter muscles to control the thickness and shape
> so that my rectum does not get badly stretched and I still feel it
> pull away from the back of my throat(!). Another thing skid marks no
> longer appear. Thats a bonus! The only annoying  problems I have occur
> after I have eaten pop corn. On the way out it feels like little razor
> blades and pins. Also the shite is not so well shaped. The other is
> the colour. It sometimes appears quite black. I put this down to what
> I am drinking at the weekend.
>
> In the interests of perfection I would be interested in any advice
> given.
>
> Meatloaf



Meatloaf, repeat after me ten times:
"I am a wankstain".

> You seem to have time on your hands. Here is a problem for you to
> ponder on whilst you are waiting for the bus. I am sure you can help
> with this little problem.

> After years of training and practice I can now shite perfectly shaped
> shites, blunt at one end tapered at the other, (I have been told that
> this stops the anus from closing with a bang. Evolution again. Closing
> with a bang would have been a dead give away to predators!!), 9 to 12
> inchers in length with a girth of 3inches without 'em touching the
> cheeks of my arse. Not only that but my eyes no longer water nor do
> they sink into the back of my head as the shit pulls away, my ears no
> longer pop, and I don't feel it tear away from my inside and my arse
> no longer gets frayed at the end . Its not perfect yet.  I still have
> to use my rectal sphincter muscles to control the thickness and shape
> so that my rectum does not get badly stretched and I still feel it
> pull away from the back of my throat(!). Another thing skid marks no
> longer appear. Thats a bonus! The only annoying  problems I have occur
> after I have eaten pop corn. On the way out it feels like little razor
> blades and pins. Also the shite is not so well shaped. The other is
> the colour. It sometimes appears quite black. I put this down to what
> I am drinking at the weekend.
>
> In the interests of perfection I would be interested in any advice
> given.
>
> Meatloaf



Meatloaf, repeat after me ten times:
"I am a wankstain".

"Jim"  wrote in message 
news:db7rbr$omj$1$8300dec7@news.demon.co.uk...

>> You seem to have time on your hands. Here is a problem for you to
>> ponder on whilst you are waiting for the bus. I am sure you can help
>> with this little problem.
>
>> After years of training and practice I can now shite perfectly shaped
>> shites, blunt at one end tapered at the other, (I have been told that
>> this stops the anus from closing with a bang. Evolution again. Closing
>> with a bang would have been a dead give away to predators!!), 9 to 12
>> inchers in length with a girth of 3inches without 'em touching the
>> cheeks of my arse. Not only that but my eyes no longer water nor do
>> they sink into the back of my head as the shit pulls away, my ears no
>> longer pop, and I don't feel it tear away from my inside and my arse
>> no longer gets frayed at the end . Its not perfect yet.  I still have
>> to use my rectal sphincter muscles to control the thickness and shape
>> so that my rectum does not get badly stretched and I still feel it
>> pull away from the back of my throat(!). Another thing skid marks no
>> longer appear. Thats a bonus! The only annoying  problems I have occur
>> after I have eaten pop corn. On the way out it feels like little razor
>> blades and pins. Also the shite is not so well shaped. The other is
>> the colour. It sometimes appears quite black. I put this down to what
>> I am drinking at the weekend.
>>
>> In the interests of perfection I would be interested in any advice
>> given.
>>
>> Meatloaf
>
>
> Meatloaf, repeat after me ten times:
> "I am a wankstain".
>
>
>

The Guy obviously has an arse fixation, even his spurious address has bottom 
in it.
Derek.

"Derek F"  wrote in message 
news:db7v9m$sir$1@nwrdmz02.dmz.ncs.ea.ibs-infra.bt.com...

>
> "Jim"  wrote in message 
> news:db7rbr$omj$1$8300dec7@news.demon.co.uk...
>>> You seem to have time on your hands. Here is a problem for you to
>>> ponder on whilst you are waiting for the bus. I am sure you can help
>>> with this little problem.
>>
>>> After years of training and practice I can now shite perfectly shaped
>>> shites, blunt at one end tapered at the other, (I have been told that
>>> this stops the anus from closing with a bang. Evolution again. Closing
>>> with a bang would have been a dead give away to predators!!), 9 to 12
>>> inchers in length with a girth of 3inches without 'em touching the
>>> cheeks of my arse. Not only that but my eyes no longer water nor do
>>> they sink into the back of my head as the shit pulls away, my ears no
>>> longer pop, and I don't feel it tear away from my inside and my arse
>>> no longer gets frayed at the end . Its not perfect yet.  I still have
>>> to use my rectal sphincter muscles to control the thickness and shape
>>> so that my rectum does not get badly stretched and I still feel it
>>> pull away from the back of my throat(!). Another thing skid marks no
>>> longer appear. Thats a bonus! The only annoying  problems I have occur
>>> after I have eaten pop corn. On the way out it feels like little razor
>>> blades and pins. Also the shite is not so well shaped. The other is
>>> the colour. It sometimes appears quite black. I put this down to what
>>> I am drinking at the weekend.
>>>
>>> In the interests of perfection I would be interested in any advice
>>> given.
>>>
>>> Meatloaf
>>
>>
>> Meatloaf, repeat after me ten times:
>> "I am a wankstain".
>>
>>
>>
> The Guy obviously has an arse fixation, even his spurious address has 
> bottom in it.
> Derek.
>


If he took lots of acidophilus he'll never have problems.  Live bio yoghurt 
might help.

As he wants to worry us about it lets worry him.  Black is sometimes a sign 
of bleeding inside.  Too much strain perhaps?

Skeats

"ML"  wrote in message 
news:4v6dd1dejcpk9co5a5fo1qf3ct3km4q005@4ax.com...

> On Wed, 13 Jul 2005 20:43:32 +0000 (UTC), whilst Carstairs had his
> head thrust between the maids thighs a note arrived from our good
> buddy "Derek F"  .
> As Caruthers did not hear the bell, I answered it.
> Our buddy, "Derek F"  wrote:
>
>>Nice day, school holidays, bus nearly full only three more allowed
>>on.
>
> You seem to have time on your hands. Here is a problem for you to
> ponder on whilst you are waiting for the bus. I am sure you can help
> with this little problem.
>
> After years of training and practice I can now shite perfectly shaped
> shites, blunt at one end tapered at the other, (I have been told that
> this stops the anus from closing with a bang. Evolution again. Closing
> with a bang would have been a dead give away to predators!!), 9 to 12
> inchers in length with a girth of 3inches without 'em touching the
> cheeks of my arse. Not only that but my eyes no longer water nor do
> they sink into the back of my head as the shit pulls away, my ears no
> longer pop, and I don't feel it tear away from my inside and my arse
> no longer gets frayed at the end . Its not perfect yet.  I still have
> to use my rectal sphincter muscles to control the thickness and shape
> so that my rectum does not get badly stretched and I still feel it
> pull away from the back of my throat(!). Another thing skid marks no
> longer appear. Thats a bonus! The only annoying  problems I have occur
> after I have eaten pop corn. On the way out it feels like little razor
> blades and pins. Also the shite is not so well shaped. The other is
> the colour. It sometimes appears quite black. I put this down to what
> I am drinking at the weekend.
>
> In the interests of perfection I would be interested in any advice
> given.
>
> Meatloaf
>
>
> My advice would be to fuck off and die somewhere under a stone. 

"Fizziwig2"  wrote in message
news:kzMBe.70310$G8.61481@text.news.blueyonder.co.uk...

>
> "Derek F"  wrote in message
> news:db7v9m$sir$1@nwrdmz02.dmz.ncs.ea.ibs-infra.bt.com...
> >
> > "Jim"  wrote in message
> > news:db7rbr$omj$1$8300dec7@news.demon.co.uk...
> >>> You seem to have time on your hands. Here is a problem for you to
> >>> ponder on whilst you are waiting for the bus. I am sure you can help
> >>> with this little problem.
> >>
> >>> After years of training and practice I can now shite perfectly shaped
> >>> shites, blunt at one end tapered at the other, (I have been told that
> >>> this stops the anus from closing with a bang. Evolution again. Closing
> >>> with a bang would have been a dead give away to predators!!), 9 to 12
> >>> inchers in length with a girth of 3inches without 'em touching the
> >>> cheeks of my arse. Not only that but my eyes no longer water nor do
> >>> they sink into the back of my head as the shit pulls away, my ears no
> >>> longer pop, and I don't feel it tear away from my inside and my arse
> >>> no longer gets frayed at the end . Its not perfect yet.  I still have
> >>> to use my rectal sphincter muscles to control the thickness and shape
> >>> so that my rectum does not get badly stretched and I still feel it
> >>> pull away from the back of my throat(!). Another thing skid marks no
> >>> longer appear. Thats a bonus! The only annoying  problems I have occur
> >>> after I have eaten pop corn. On the way out it feels like little razor
> >>> blades and pins. Also the shite is not so well shaped. The other is
> >>> the colour. It sometimes appears quite black. I put this down to what
> >>> I am drinking at the weekend.
> >>>
> >>> In the interests of perfection I would be interested in any advice
> >>> given.
> >>>
> >>> Meatloaf
> >>
> >>
> >> Meatloaf, repeat after me ten times:
> >> "I am a wankstain".
> >>
> >>
> >>
> > The Guy obviously has an arse fixation, even his spurious address has
> > bottom in it.
> > Derek.
> >
>
> If he took lots of acidophilus he'll never have problems.  Live bio
yoghurt
> might help.
>
> As he wants to worry us about it lets worry him.  Black is sometimes a
sign
> of bleeding inside.  Too much strain perhaps?
>


Indeed, yellow/brown is the desired colour I believe.